In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
I'm starting to feel like I'm turning into the most hypocrite person in the universe.
*dizzy*
I need air. I need You. I need Your love. =(
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been.
-
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
berapa peratus dapat serap dalam otak? aku rasa kurang dari 10%. silap-silap boleh jadi -10%.
*menghela nafas panjang*
aku sangat tak suka bila aku perlu belajar dan aku tak dapat nak belajar sebab dalam minda aku berpusing-pusing pasal sesuatu benda yang tak dapat aku selesaikan. benda yang tak penting pun waktu ni, tapi asyik aku fikirkan.
sudah aku bincang dengan sasa & minah. tapi masih lagi benda ni berlegar dalam kepala aku.
sudah puas aku suppress perkara ni supaya aku tak perlu fikir. sejak minggu lalu lagi. sebabnya aku tahu minggu ni dan minggu depan aku ada major test.
tapi sekarang?
it's all out. i feel that it's suffocating me. aku lemas. l e m a s !
ada ke mior kata masalah bf? *gelak terguling-guling*
lawaklah kau, mior.
alangkah bagusnya kalau kawan baik aku berjaga waktu ni. aku sms tapi takde respon. ketara lah dia sedang dibuai mimpi.
:|
*menghela nafas*
selain kawan, aku ada Dia untuk menenangkan fikiran aku.
syukur.
setelah 20 minit, fikiran aku waras sedikit.
ok biologi, masuk! masuk!
bismillah.
:)
force.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
ok. force. i'm not gonna speak in terms of physics or whatnot. this is about, memaksa. paksaan. forcing to do something.
ok, force is good at times, it gives us a push to do something (good) that initially we don't want, and have benefits out of it.
i do admit, sometimes i need a good push (force) to do something because i'm too lazy, none of the words in the world can describe my laziness. but at other times, i just feel like, "it's too much".
bear in mind, i'm a human. i have my patience limits, i have conscience, i have a heart. ok, the point is, i'm a HUMAN.
i don't like it when people forcing me to do something i don't like (let it be good or bad) and when i insist on not doing it, they make me feel guilty for doing so. W H A T ?!
i easily feel guilt out of things, and after analysing my own behaviour, i usually feel guilty out of stupid things. (some might say it's not stupid)
so i usually ended up doing the things i don't like because i just want you to stop talking about it or i just want to end my guilt. are you satisfied? you've succeed making me doing things i don't want, without my own will.
on the note of doing good things :
"mula-mula rasa terpaksa, tapi dah lama-lama baru rasa ok dan akan suka sendiri".
true. i don't deny this. it has happened to me. it takes time, and i actually thank the person who gives me the push on this matter. certain things, dear, certain things.
i have friends who doesn't like to be forced to do things so i understand how they feel. i tend not to force anyone to do anything they don't like, even though that might be a wrong thing to do at that time. they should come to sense by themselves, by our help. not by forcing them or anything.
sigh.
i just think that there's other ways to make someone to do things, without forcing anyone (directly anyway) and makes them feel guilty.
i just don't like it when you did this to me. i didn't see that coming, i just didn't think you'd do such things. maybe you're just doing your part of the job.
fyi, it kills me when i get the texts. first i feel guilty, after a few texts i feel annoyed and when there's more texts i just feel fed up. it feels like you don't understand me. and this has sadden me. i don't hate you, i just hate what you've done. can't really blame you.
i have thought about it, maybe i did have a change of heart, and maybe i start to act differently now and this has worries you, but that was not the way to make me feel better. it might just scare me away, didn't you think of that?
yeah, thought so.
yeah, dah masuk tahun kelima aku disentuh mak cik tarbiyah dan mak cik hidayah. sudah pun kononnya menjadi murabbiyah. tapi, adakah aku seorang murabbiyah?
yes, jalan dakwah dan tarbiyyah sangat panjang dan sangatlah payah. takkan ada adik mutarabbi yang senang trang-tang-tang gembira datang ke halaqah/usrah tanpa maslahatan diri. tapi recently aku asyik tanya diri, kenapa aku tak mampu menjadi seorang murabbiyah seperti mana murabbiyah itu ke atas aku?
aku rasa aku seorang murabbiyah yang gagal.
gagal memberikan semangat kepada mutarabbi.
gagal melaksanakan perintah Allah dengan istiqamah
gagal menyentuh hati mad'u di luar sana
gagal memberikan qudwah hasanah yang baik
gagal dalam pelajaran dunia
gagal juga dalam pelajaran akhirat, hadis dan hafazan dah ke mana..
aku cemburu dengan antunna yang bagaikan malaikat berjalan di bumi
yang mampu memikul tanggungjawab dakwah bagaikan mengangkat beg galas dan berlari ke sekolah
(ok, contoh yang sangat pelik)
yang mampu ikhlaskan hati hingga terpancar pada amal dan akhlaqnya.
aku rindukan biah solehah itu.
aku tahu aku lah yang perlu hidupkan hari-hari itu.
aku tahu aku lah yang perlu menggerakkan semua itu
tapi, ikhlas kah hatiku?
semua yangku lakukan -- inginkan 'likes' dan pujian semata kah?
tatkala beri nasihat
tatkala menulis status
tatkala memberi taujih
ikhlaskah daku?
kenapa senang sangat frust bila apa yang ku harapkan tidak menjadi?
kenapa senang down bila adik mula lari?
kenapa senang kecewa bila nasihat tak sampai ke hati?
kenapa rasa banyak kekurangan diri?
ikhlaskah daku?
ini ujian Allah.
Allah inginkan usahaku.
Allah rindu rintihanku
Allah mahu doaku
yang selalu menjagaku.
sia-sia amal tanpa ikhlas.
sia-sia ilmu tanpa amal.
sia-sia tak menuntut ilmu.
031214,
2:05AM
simply.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
some say "do to others what you want others do to you".
to which i say, YES, if you don't like when people say bad things about you, stop saying bad things about others. :)
some say "buat baik berpada-pada, buat jahat jangan sekali".
to which i say, why must we limit our good deeds? sangat kedekut kah kita? kan elok buat benda baik.
some say "ah, buat apa aku buat baik dengan dia, dia jahat gila dengan aku!" or "buat baik banyak sangatakan dipijak kepala".
to which i respond, dia buat jahat, itu urusan dia dengan Tuhan. dan kau buat baik, bukankah itu urusan kau dengan Tuhan juga? Tuhan suka orang buat kebaikan. memang rasa tak worth it lah konon tolong orang "jahat". tapi, we can't judge people like that. everyone is the same, deep deep inside. as for me, a medical student, takkan lah aku nak pilih kasih, tak mahu treat pak cik ni sebab dia penjahat, orang mafia. dan biarkan dia mati. < no. very unethical. mana lah tau, after kita treat pak cik tu, dia akan jadi LEBIH BAIK dari kita sendiri. point is, buat baik je. sebab apa-apa pun, itu untuk kebaikan kita juga.
kita buat baik = Tuhan suka = kita dapat benefit = kita pun suka. (it's sorta a long chain :p)
be good to others, even they're not good to you because trust me, that is the sweetest revenge. wait, no, i'm not telling people to take revenge or anything but, theoretically, isn't it the best revenge? for me it kinda is. ha ha.
let's do good.
but don't be naive.
:)
kenapa?
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
tapi bila orang lain buat salah, tak pulak disalahkan agamanya?
pelik, tapi benar.
darurat.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
i've always thought darurat = tak boleh keluar rumah = lockdown = perang dingin. haha.
but tu dulu lah. when belajar sejarah kan. itu je la aku faham. but now lain lah.
today we learn about transplantation, and one of the methods are transplant between animal to human, and the example was pig's organ.
"can you muslim use pig's organ for transplantation?"
"of course not, it's already haram to even touch it."
"but then, what if it's darurat?"
"then yeah, i think we can. it really depends on the condition. for example, you are dying of hunger and the only food you have is pork. you are allowed to eat it. but that is if, if you don't eat you're going to die."
"oh, so you can have the transplant if it's darurat"
"yes, it depends on the situation"
aku takut orang salah faham explanation aku. dan aku salah bagi explanation jugak. tapi, itu ikut kefahaman aku sendiri. tapi bagi aku, nak jadi darurat tu, sangatlah rare. dan bagi aku, aku sanggup tak makan even it's darurat sekali pun.
jangan pandang mudah pasal darurat.
Islam itu mudah, bukan untuk dipermudahkan.
edit : jazikillah for the info. it's quite true as well. but i was told the transplantation is only for temporary. tapi kalau dah bercampur dgn babi, apa lah maknanya? my friend pernah cakap, kalau termakan pork (especially us in the non muslim country) akan jadi darah daging kita. was horrified when i heard that. the explanation i gave was to my non-muslim friend btw. nak bagi info banyak2, saya sendiri kurang ilmu. nak cakap tak tau, apa pula yang akan dia fikir tentang Islam. (you know what they say, kita ni ibarat cermin agama kita. kadang kala kita yang salah, dia akan salahkan agama kita, haih)
and like i said, the real meaning of darurat is.. rather complicated. boleh jadi darurat like you said, kalau dying and the only food ada is pork and rasa nak hidup sbb nak berjuang, etc. for me, aku elakkan semua benda-benda ni. senang cerita. nak tau lebih detail, kena buat research sendiri.
on another note, sedih bila orang ambil mudah tentang halal dan haram.
as we all know, dogs are najis mughalazah. dikatakan haram disentuh. tetapi kalau tersentuh (tidak sengaja ataupun sengaja) hendaklah samak. like i learn before 1 kali air bercampur tanah, 6 kali air mutlak. ada yang guna je sabun mutaharah (betul ke namanya?) tapi i dont know how legit is that soap.
is just sad that people think its nice to touch dogs just like that , thinking we can samak later on.
simply pegang anjing, sebab boleh samak.
:[
seriously???!
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
"ok aku nak tidur 15 minit, nanti kejut aku."
*kacau2 aku*
"haih, jangan kacau aku"
*still mengacau*
"jangan laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kacau. aku nak power nap 15 min niii"
*diam 2 minit*
*starts talking again*
"blablablabla (responded to the conversation) ok, 15 minit"
*starts calling my name repeatedly*
"apa? hm, blablablablabla (responded to conversation again) haih, ok la aku nak bangun"
*stops me from waking up, pins me down and ask me to go to sleep*
"kau ni kenapa? aku tadi nak tidur kau nak ajak borak, skrg aku nak bangun kau tak bagi?" << sudah annoyed, tahap hampir menjerit.
*laughs*
"dah la, aku nak study."
*told me that she wants to sleep and not to disturb her*
"aku bukan macam kau, aku takkan kacau kau tidur macam kau kacau aku"
*sleeps*
"(bukak buku, study. pasang lagu. tenangkan hati)"
well dear, it may be a joke to you but it's not funny when you're the only one laughing while i have my eyebrows frown.
frown
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
felt so guilty.
plus the news of someone's dad passed away.
its just sad.
in a week, there must be a day that i'll be thinking, what if one of my parent leaves the earth?
not that i'm hoping they would but i know one day they will and i'm trying to imagine, how will i cope, what would i do, who will i be?
*mengeluh*
sometimes i just need to be left alone, where i should muhasabah myself, thinking what i've done. and i want some alone time now, but the timing was bad cos everyone is here. i outcast myself and they asked me "what's wrong with you?" here, there's nothing wrong with me, i just want to be alone.
*menahan air mata*
it has been a sad weekend.
i need to go for a walk. right now.
senyum
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
waktu aku pulang dari class, aku menunggu bas, ada seorang mak cik ni membawa satu karung besar, isi apa ntah lah, dia pun tunggu bas. then banyak bas dah lalu, she's still around. aku punya bas tak sampai lagi. then ada satu bas lalu, ada seorang wanita & anak lelaki kecil umur mungkin 4 tahun turun dari bas dan si kecil terus mendapatkan mak cik ni. she hugged him. and the lady greeted the mak cik, and they talked, smiled. and i was so amazed, i don't know why. si kecil kononnya mahu tolong mak cik tu angkat karung tu, (he is btw almost the same size of the karung) then mak cik tu mcm cakap tak payah la, then she took the karung. and gave him chocolate wafer. dorang pun senyum2, bual2. aku seriously amazed.
mungkin aku rindu rumah. rindu family. mungkin aku just rasa dorang sweet. hehe.
petang tadi went to the park with a few friends. the memorial park where they put up specially for those who died during the war. the park was alright, boleh tahan lah. but the trees, subhanallah. cantik gila. (it's autumn now, hehehe) there's one particular tree yang sangat yellow and sangat cantik! i like trees. and nowadays aku suka tengok langit. check out the awans.
heh. cantiknya. :)
pasal diri, aku sekarang rasa sangat bersalah, sebab aku tau apa aku buat salah, aku berada di tempat itu ketika semua mengata, menggosip tentang si A tapi aku diam, dan kadang-kadang gelak-gelak. aku try to avoid benda-benda macam ni. aku tak nak outcast A seperti orang lain buat. dia perlukan kawan. tapi kadang kala sikap dia buat aku regret concern pasal dia.
note to self : buat baik kerana Allah. *terdiam*
fyi,
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
alim. apa maksud alim? selalu disalah tafsir; dianggap orang yang alim = kuat agama.
"kau ni alim dah.."
"haela alim gile rilek aaa"
alim sebenarnya bermaksud berilmu. alim. ilmu. sama perkataannya dalam arab. orang alim = orang berilmu. tak semestinya ilmu agama. ada banyak gila ilmu kat dunia ni. jadi, sorang professor non muslim boleh dikatakan alim juga.
warak. warak ni pun konon kuat agama juga. warak pula maksudnya orang yang mengelakkan perkara shubhah. apa pulak shubhah ni?? shubhah adalah perkara yang samar-samar, tak pasti halal ataupun haram. jadi, kalau aku elak perkara2 ni, aku adalah warak.
bukannye pak haji je warak.
harap maklum.
:)
Hadis 15
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
Daripada Abu Hurairah r.a. berkata: Rasulullah saw. bersabda, "Ada dua golongan yang akan menjadi penghuni Neraka yang belum lagi aku melihat mereka. Pertama, golongan (penguasa) yang mempunyai cemeti-cemeti bagaikan ekor Iembu yang digunakan untuk memukul orang. Kedua, perempuan yang berpakaian tetapi bertelanjang, berlenggang lenggok waktu berjalan, menghayun-hayunkan bahu. Kepala mereka (sanggul di atas kepala mereka) bagaikan bonggol (goh) unta yang senget. Kedua-dua golongan ini tidak akan masuk syurga dan tidak akan dapat mencium bau wanginya. Sesungguhnya bau wangi syurga itu sudah tercium dari perjalanan yang sangat jauh daripadanya". H.R. Muslim
mengapa?
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
kenapa kau buat-buat buta bila kau ada mata?
ada telinga, pendengaran baik kau buat-buat tuli?
dan bila ada mulut, untuk bercakap, tak pernah kau cakap elok-elok?
dua perkataan buat kau;
BIKIN PANAS!!!
raya lagi.
from left : christina, haly, ira, bebby, myself, jenny. and penny with white baju kurung.@ open house ira, haly and bebby.
changes.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
I keep telling myself to not to try to be someone and just start being yourself. Right? But I don't even like myself. So I did some changing.
And maybe, just maybe on certain things, I change things way too much and it's just all happened too fast that the change doesn't stay permanently. It's just a cover. and inside, it's all lies.
Just for being home for 2 months and I've become such a horrible person again. I don't like this, I don't like me. I feel I'm being too hypocritical.
Clearly I still need guidance. A LOT OF THEM. I can't fly with my own wings, I still need to learn how to crawl before I run.
Strength & hope, I need you guys.
Syawal 1431
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
Syawal 1431
Selamat Hari Raya
Maaf Zahir & Batin
mickey
this is mickey. once own by kak ifa, who graduated. roommates with madhy. so now he's kind of madhy's. but mickey just walk around. currently crashing our place cos some of us give him food. and he just love that.
during summer he's super thin. should get his pic during summer. he's not cute then.
but during winter. SHO CUTE. chubbs. ;)
and this is him, fattening up.
randomise.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
anyway, yeah. i can't talk about the present with you, let alone the future. actually i can, but you wouldn't give a damn and that sucks. i'm not saying we shouldn't be friends at all. we're friends. and only that. nothing more and hopefully nothing less.
and surprisingly, it hurts me. why surprisingly? i've mentally prepared for this and i still feel like this. i wonder what will happen if i don't give myself a heads up. i'd probably die inside. a little. and of course not literally.
there's more to life than this.
this is indeed, a sad reality.
on the other note, raya is in few days. and my friends here probably have classes and all. who am i gonna celebrate with? :( nah, i'm kidding. i don't really mind. i've lost the meaning of raya many years ago. so, the heck with it. and i hate the fact people only ask for forgiveness during raya. and celebrated raya too much. but raya is the only time family and relatives gather around and see each other. hm. well. i've once said raya is just another holiday. but here we don't even get holidays. so. the heck with that.
here we go again.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
31 auggood day. mama's birthday. buka puasa with family. nabil & kerel stopped by. goood day.
1 sept
started bad. geram with my agent. bagi info sekerat, sekerat. tension. terus emotional tak sudah. mencarut-carut di twitter. ugh. not literally mencarut lah. but, cakap karut.packing dalam keadaan terpaksa. dah half pack, just nak finalised everything. hm.
pergi betulkan specs with mama at giant. tu pun emotional jugak secara tiba-tiba. i don't know why. hormones menggila hari tersebut. sikit benda pun terus nangis.
they came. dana, teri, casey, haris, man kit, chai theng. was so thoughtful of them. they made me feel better. they gave me stuffs. paramore tshirt, another turqoise top, 1 framed picture of dana, teri and i, another pictures of all of us plus sasa. and the rip curl bag. haha. when they're about to leave. when i hugged dana. i just couldn't tahan my tears. i'm just, haih. i'm just gonna miss my bestfriend & them.
continue to pack. then off we go to klia. met kak wani before she left to japan. she looked happy. duh, of course. haha. then met aisha and niza. waited for our flight. felt like we've been waiting for hours! checked in, had my last beef -- double cheese burger. kenyang gile. ahha. saw abu and his fiancee at mcd. heh.
2 sept
naik flight. cari-cari muka familiar. saw adrian and priscilla. tak nampak pun shane! hmm.
oh oh oh. hahaha. must tell this one. saw these bunch of dudes, FAM dudes lah kot. wore black tshirt, with nike logo and FAM logo. must be a footballer lah kan. wondering where they go. surprise, surprise, they also going to dubai. haha. nothing interesting lah. it's just that SOMEONE was eyeing them dudes. hahahaha. :P
at dubai. jalan-jalan. deeenggg, my bag so heavy. too many hand carry stuff. heh. got my 10 dirham. haha. saje je mengada nak jugak 10 dirham. :P jalan-jalan again. sad lah our flight mesti the gate is at the end of the airport. jauh gila kena jalan. then saw shane, savinder, some other familiar faces yang gua tak ingat nama. hehe.
sampai moscow like, 3pm. at the immigration, the dude keep looking at the pic of passport and visa and then look at me. yes yes i look diff now. lama gila dia observe. -.-"
then wait for luggage lama jugak. si hijau (the bag) lambat sampai. and niza tak dapat the bag. turned out her bag labelled as fragile.
yeah, then waited for the bus to kursk. tapau-ed some sandwhiches. nak subway tapi jauh la subway. so we tapau-ed cikai sandwhiches lah tapi knowing it's at the airport, mahal gilak. redha je lah. better than nothing.
bus sampai. my stuff were the last to put in the bus. bus tetiba penuh. my bag kena sumbat-sumbat in. kesian si hijau. and my kotak. :[ oh well. haha.
sakit tengkuk and belakang okay! bumpy ride. dah la i tidur dont know how but i moved a lot. haha. almost fell. :/
3 sept
it has been a good day. arrived at kursk around 3 am, angkat barang macam menggila cos heavy. luckily they helped, thanks. transport suddenly buck up extra 200 rubles in the last minute but hmm tak kisah lah. still okay ada transport.
naik atas, tengok bilik, bukak drawer, HOMAGAD. lipas madness! suicidal banyak-banyak kat dalam drawerku. aaa~ habis barang gua! tapi nak buat macamana. dah season mereka. ok next year i'll know what to do. hehehe.
fon and minah excited kami balik. hehe. yea lah, they were lonely. they even buka puasa with ibra and wan. kesian kakak-kakakku. :P
hm, went to uni and settle things. to my surprise, my biology result was settled. i got what the malaysian government wanted. alhamdulillah. gua serious terkejut, i guess the last sitting made a difference. :)
knowing them russian, to register or to get contracts or to deal any admin stuff, you have to wait. for hours. so we did. sakit kaki tunggu madam natalia.
myself and minah. taken by aisha's BB. ;)
after dah settle semua, we went back to our hostel. minah wanted to cook nasi lemak -- and she did!
it was really good! thanks to minah and fon. :)
alhamdulillah :)
racist
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
stop saying we're merdeka. cos we're not. even after 53 years we couldn't achieve a good merdeka like it was the first time. russia's victory day dah 65 tahun, kalau tak silap. and their spirit, lagi hebat. itu aku kagum.
our 53rd merdeka. kita masih racist, masih buat dakwaan tak berasas, masih amal rasuah, masih merempit dan masih tak tahu apa-apa pasal negara, especially belia-belia. aku pun clueless pasal negara ni. still dalam process ambil tahu sebab apparently, they don't teach us what we really suppose to learn. sejarah text book = lies. okay maybe not lies but not all truth. ada konteks yang kita tak tau. kita pun blur-blur. i dont like sejarah text book tapi kalau sejarah yang betul-betul sejarah macam peristiwa 13 may, aku suka ambil tahu.
i dont know if im racist if i feel like this :
melayu ni apa hal membabi buta buat statement tak pakai otak? melayu ni banyak masalah. dah lah asal usul pun tak tau. adat-adat melayu ni angkat dari mana? melayu does not equal to islam.
etc etc etc
sebenarnya aku tak suka benda-benda politik macam ni. like abang said, "kau cuba buang and tak nak peduli pun, kau akan terbaca something dan kau akan rasa geram." and yes, i feel geram.
the whole siti inshah and namawee thing.
sudahlah. focus on the real stuff? jangan perbesarkan benda yang kecik.
ps : aku tak setuju bendera dijadikan costume. disrespectful.
farewell august
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
ayah : berapa orang kawan adik datang nanti?
me : hm? nabil just datang nak hantar cookies.
ayah : ha? habis tu tak buka puasa sekali?
me : tak lah. he's coming after terawih.
ayah : ni kan your farewell, if your friends takde macamana?
=.=" right there. haha. tapi takpe. it's just =.="
and YEAH i got them cookies from nabil & kerel. thank youuu. but this year no mr gingy. :( no im kidding, im still happy. :)
kakak dropped by to send raya festive cookies as well. and little azizah is getting bigger! she's chubbierrr, i love her cheeeks.
kakak : eleh macam dia masa kecik tak tembam.and today i talked on the phone lama. with you know who (; i miss this! don't you? last time we always see each other and yet we still balik and talk on the phone for hours. haha. house phone boleh lah gayut. handphone? i hope your credit didn't die. sorry. AND I'M SO GONNA MISS YOU. *tahan diri untuk curse* :(
me : yeah but i cant play with my own cheeks. :P
kakak : tengok dia, macam you. hidung tak mancung, pipi tembam, dahi jendul, bulu mata panjang.
me : tapi dia sepet, hahaha.
kakak : hahaha.
me : tu lah, it's your genes anyway. recessive on you but dominant on her.
listening to oh chentaku album irfan got for me. dude, i forgot to pay you. :/ next year? lol. im kidding. i'll pass dana the money. this album cos i got them lyrics. finally know what myo sings in the songs. selalu tak faham apa dia cakap. haha.
sampai kat lagu "counting days and swings".
almost into tears.
aku akan rindu malaysia. not really the country tapi family and friends. tapi macam biasa, buat cool, happy, and like haris said before, just smile. and i will.
i have the rights to be emotional and i will post emotional stuff. so stay tuned for some emotional stuffs! :P
i had a great day. praise the Almighty.
paramore
nah, i just wanna say that paramore has been good to me. their songs, their melody, their energy. it's all gooooooood. i always quote from paramore's lyrics. cos they have one of the best lyrics. we can count good song lyrics nowadays. usually its all about sex, drugs, money and sex. -.- which i hate. harap je melody catchy. lyrics merepek. geram!
and paramore band members are young. i mean, they start at a very young age. heck the drummer, zack is a year older than me. and I'M YOUNG! :P ahhhhhh.
apa apa lah. aku suka paramore. takde band ada 3 album gempak berturut-turut. macam band-band lain i used to like - my chemical romance, panic at the disco, all one hit wonders kind of album. lepas album best, there comes the merepek phase of their talent ke apa.
but hey i know why the reason i won't be able to go to see them live. and when i know and remember always why, aku lega. :)
menghitung hari.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
ada reason kenapa diucap selamat. supaya tiada yang tercedera main bunga api, mercun dan sebagainya. tiada yang drink and drive. but hey, aku suka merdeka during ramadhan. AMAN. tersangat aman, takde konsert merepek dan less people getting into troubles and stuffs. which leads me to think, maybe the main corrupted minds are malays. ha ha. aku suka rasa racist terhadap race sendiri kadang-kadang dengan statement macam ni.
don't get me started what i really think of them malays. aku simpan thoughts tu untuk waktu lain. :P
hari ni hari jadi mama. dan aku, serba salah. sebab aku tak suka hari jadi, tak sambut dan sebagainya. aku just wish dia. the way she thanked me macam aku bagi sejuta ringgit kat dia. :')
okay, counting days to departure. dipaksa packing hari ni by mama. aku bukannya tak tau packing tapi aku tak nak. so. yeah.
part of me tak sabar nak pergi, the other part wants to stay with family and friends. :(
memories
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
when you have a bad day, just go and see them. hang out. talk about things. and there's no need to tell them your bad day, somehow they just make you feel better.
why do i keep taking a stroll down to the memory lane? and why to THOSE memories? go away memories. you might seemed all sweet but the truth is, you're bitter and ugly. someone had got you all covered with nice things to make it seems all pretty and nice.
biarkan aku merepek. biar aku je faham apa aku tulis.
kekecewaan
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
y o u
kenapa kan kau janji baik punya lepas tu still mungkir jugak? then, you said you wouldn't repeat the same mistakes and yet YOU STILL DO. what kind of human is this? i've never heard of your species before. you killing me. theoretically of course. sakit hati. pening kepala nak memikirkan, macamana nak ubah perangai kau. aku nak tolong, tapi kau sendiri weak, tak nak kalah dengan bisikan setan. i hate what you did, but i don't hate you. please remember that.
pedulikan aku type pasal siapa. it doesn't really concern you. this kinda between me, "you" and God.
ya tuhan. tolong lah "you" ni. aku tak tau macamana. dia tahu jalan, tapi tak nak ikut. hampeh bagai. -.-
jangan buat assumptions tentang siapa aku cakap ni. nanti jadi fitnah.
ah~
good temptations.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
for example. you have an examination coming up. let's say, biology. and yeah, you have to study for biology. lots of thing to be read. but, you don't feel like studying. you feel like you rather study your holy book all the time.
isn't studying holy book is good? yeah it is. but at that time, you have to study for your biology too. you can't be hogging the holy book and only the holy book. you gotta read some biology as well. exam - higher priority at the moment.
this is sort of what i'm feeling now.
the devil sure has various ways to detour us. sigh.
menegur.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
video tentang dosa 24 jam di facebook.
a convo somewhat happen la. edited for publication purpose. lol
A : orang yang buat video ni bangang.
B : kenapa tak puas hati dengan dia? apa salah dia?
C : hm, aku setuju, dia bangang.
B : no, i don't get it. apa yang dia buat tu salah? he just reminds people.
A : kenapa dia sibuk nak buat video camni?
C : orang suka critic orang lain tapi tak tengok diri sendiri.
D : ye la kan orang tak nampak kelemahan sendiri.
C : tu la, lain kali jangan tengok orang lain, tengok diri dulu. baru boleh cakap pasal orang lain.
B : *diam*
the subject were dropped.
mungkin kerana aku sudah adapt satu ideologi di mana, teguran tu bagus. walaupun datang dari seorang yang berakhlak buruk.
tapi, apa salahnya si jahat menegur orang supaya berbuat baik? apa kesalahannya? kenapa kita rasa kita tak perlu ikut nasihatnya? sebab dia jahat? cos it makes them hypocrites?
entahla. i still think that it's okay to accept an advise from anyone. i personally think the ego inside us that refuse to take the advise.
my theory : nak tunggu until diri sendiri perfect, untuk menjadi layak, baru boleh tunggu orang, takkan ke mana. takkan menjadi. sebab no one is perfect.
apa salahnya tegur sesama kita? okay, okay. tegur kena ada caranya. betul tu. tapi...
okay lah. everyone is different. different thinking, different ideology. different different.
tiba-tiba takde mood nak ulas panjang benda ni. bagus lah. nanti ada jugak yang sakit hati atau fikir aku ni ntah apa-apa.
2 in the morning.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
"serious?""ye la. sekarang dah pukul berapa. nanti dah subuh.""hmmm. okay"
belum sempat aku habis menaip dan tekan "publish post" aku bangun dan bersiap untuk keluar. kami jalan ke destinasi, memesan makanan dan makan. di luar tidak begitu sejuk, hanya suam-suam kuku. aku rasa duduk dalam rumah lagi sejuk. (kerana air-cond. hoho) kami berbual, dan satu headline menarik menangkap matanya. di muka surat khabar itu, terpampang sebuah gambar, seorang perempuan amerika memegang sepanduk menunjukkan ketidakpuashatiannya. headline itu berkaitan tentang perancangan binaan sebuah bangunan islam berdekatan "ground zero".
apa itu ground zero?
ground zero - the place where the world trade centre was on.
"the religion is already corrupted," he finalized."every religion is, because of the people," i said."yes, i didn't say that it was only Islam." he smiled.
dan mungkin aku tidak sepatutnya menaip post itu. jadi, biarkan ia diselubungi misteri. :p
guilt
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
tiba-tiba rasa.. tak selesa. physically dan emotionally. tiba-tiba rasa semua serba tak kena.
rasa bersalah.
i'm not doing whatever i'm supposed to do. my obligations are just abandoned. not on purpose, okay, maybe it is on purpose but i don't feel like doing so when the situation is like this. OBLIGATIONS, sya. it's not a little thing. and you're running out of time, sya. why are you doing this to yourself? why are you making things more complicated? i guess the evil side of me has spoken and it is dominant right now, and it says, "just forget about it." my conscience says, "YOU CAN'T." i have promised, to myself that i'll do them obligations but why am i breaking my own promise? such a hypocrite and selfish. and lazy!
i wanna start making a difference but i don't know if i can. actually i know i can but i don't know if i can continuously doing it. discipline has been the issue for most of my life.
when im here, (the city where the buildings are boring but neat, where there are less trees and more buildings, there are little land for spaces because they pretty much take the space) i don't feel like i belong here.
few days back i didn't even bother to pack until the very last hour. i forced myself to do so. either i forced myself or i get yelled by my parents. so. either way. and i told my best friend i wasn't excited for it at all. but she said it's normal cause my excitements are always late. but when i walked through the departure halls, sat down on a chair for more than 6 hours to travel, i still didn't feel anything. and the weird part? i couldn't help but to think, "what if this thing crash when i'm on it? whatever it is, it's in God's hand".
when i walked out the immigration counter, i smiled, when i hear the locals talk. i like hearing them talking even though i couldn't understand a word. it reminds me of this one show where the famous line was "I AM NOT GAY". i did laugh and smiling to myself. and i thought, wow, here it is, my excitement. but now, i don't think that was it.
i like the view, and i remembered who has created all these things. and i remembered the lines to "open your eyes". and i smiled even wider. i thanked the Almighty for giving me an opportunity to see the view from the other side of the world.
i just don't feel like taking a stroll in the park or something. i just feel like staying in and do my work, the one i procrastinated for a month. even though i told them i wanna go here and there, the truth was, i don't really wanna go anywhere. but i didn't wanna bring the mood down, you know. i don't wanna ruin this. that would make me even worse. selfish tahap melampau!
i even told them not to post any picture of me on anywhere. i think i kinda ruined it by saying this but this is vital. i really don't want any picture of me posted anywhere. sure, i wanna take some pictures but it's personal.
sigh.
i'm ranting so much on life when i can just be thankful to God for letting me breathe and live. for letting me to have wonderful family and friends. and the best nikmat ever : a little piece of iman. even though i don't have it all the time, (astaghfirullahala'zim) but i tried to keep it with me, and try to 'collect' them more. with God's will & my effort.
sorry for the trouble. i just feel like putting this into an entry. i know i would like to read it one day and say something. hehe.
ramadhan menjelang lagi.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
“ Dan tetaplah memberi peringatan, kerana sesungguhnya peringatan memberi manfaat kepada orang-orang yang beriman”teragak-agak untuk menaip entri baru. tapi digagahkan juga diri untuk taip (macam la kena guna banyak energy) sebab, dalam kepala otak ada banyak benda aku fikirkan. somehow i have to let them out, kan? ingatkan diri sendiri sambil share dengan kawan-kawan.(Surah Azzariyat: 57)
malam semalam, sudah diumumkan bahawa hari ini bermulanya bulan ramadhan. bulan berpuasa. dan seperti yang sedia maklum, berpuasa merupakan rukun ketiga dalam rukun islam kita. ingatkah lagi kita dengan rukun-rukun islam?
p u a s a
adakah sekadar menahan lapar dan dahaga dan perkara lain yang membatalkan puasa? sudah tentu tidak. ustazahku di sekolah pernah memesan kepada kami, masa puasa kita kena puasa dalam segala-galanya.
puasa mulut bukan sekadar menahan lapar dan dahaga tetapi tidak mengeluarkan kata-kata yang kesat. tidak menipu, gurau senda yang melampau, mengadu domba, mengumpat, ataupun bertengkar.
sebaik-baik kurangkan berkata-kata dan lebihkan zikir.
puasa mata - jaga penglihatan kita. jangan ditengok benda yang bukan-bukan. jangan ditenung lelaki hensem atau wanita cantik. ingat, pandangan pertama adalah untuk kita kenal pasti siapakah mereka. tapi takde la sampai nak tenung diorang, ye tak? of cos, pandangan kedua and seterusnya adalah pandangan syaitan. elakkan menonton filem ataupun series, mana lah tahu ada benda yang tak sepatutnya tengok.
puasa telinga - elakkan mendengar lagu-lagu yang melalaikan. jangan dengar orang lain mencarut. sebab member non muslim manade puasa. tapi ada certain member yang memahami, alhamdulillah.
puasa anggota-anggota badan - jaga anggota badan khususnya tangan dan kaki jangan sampai melakukan hal-hal yang terlarang. aku tahu semua boleh fikir benda ni dengan logik.
jangan melakukan benda-benda yang lagha (melalaikan)
dan yang paling penting, bulan ini kita mendapat untuk upgrade iman kita.
upgradekan kesabaran kita. jangan marah-marah~ inhale and exhale. kalau boleh, jangan terlintas niat untuk marah-marah dalam hati sekalipun.
melakukan solat sunat. bukan tarawih & witir sahaja. ada solat-solat sunat yang lain boleh kita lakukan. dan jika kita terkejar-kejar melakukan solat sunat, jangan pula ditinggalkan solat yang fardhu.
solat tarawih, jangan lakukan quantiti instead of quality. ;)
jangan lupa sahur! sahur bukan je penting untuk perut tapi memang dituntut. ditegaskan oleh Rasulullah untuk bersahur. iA akan diberi pahala kepada yang bersahur. ada sebuah hadis yang diriwayatkan oleh Muslim yang bermaksud lebih kurang gini "perbezaan puasa kita dan puasa ahli kitab ialah sahur". sebaik-baiknya melewatkan sahur. :)
dan segerakan berbuka - rasanya ni takde masalah :p tapi ada rasanya yang suka solat maghrib dulu baru nak "concentrate" makan. >> saya macam ni lah dulu -.- lepas tu tak buat dah, sebab at least berbuka sedikit sebelum solat. :)
apa lagi ye? saya tak ingat lah. apa-apa pun, kita mahukan QUALITY ibadah kita, bukannya quantity. remember, everything is lillahi ta'ala.
oh ye, jangan pula ibadah-ibadah kita berakhir apabila berakhirnya bulan ramadhan. moga-moga ianya berterusan. takkan nak beribadah time ramadhan je dan bermaafan time syawal je? bulan-bulan lain jeles la nanti. (;
harap-harap ramadhan ini adalah lebih baik dari sebelumnya.
this is, none other than a reminder for myself, and at the same time, a reminder for all muslims out there. yang baik datangnya dari Allah dan yang buruk datangnya dari saya sendiri.
selamat menyambut ramadhan al-mubarak.
si setan
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
mari-mari. aku nak rant pasal chenta lagi. hiahiahihaiha.
kenapa aku cakap you're not in love when you claimed you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back? sebab kau memang not in love. kau boleh bagi aku simptom-simptom dan tanda-tanda orang in love and aku still dalam hujahku, IT'S NOT LOVE.
kata-kata sumbang, "kau apa tau. kau pernah ke bercinta? kau couple pun tak pernah."
and you know what, alhamdulillah aku tak pernah. sebab bercouple hanyalah menambahkan dosa yang sedia ada. tapi aku tau asal usul perasaan cintan cintun ni.
dalam Al-Quran, ada ditulis tentang pasangan. setiap orang diciptakan pasangannya. and lebih kurang it's meant to complete each other.
tapi, bukan bermaksud kau kena bercintan cintun lebih-lebih. seperti post aku sebelum ni, lahirnya perasaan cinta yang sejati, adalah cinta kepada seseorang kerana Allah. bila kau tengok dia, kau ingat Allah, kau syukur yang kau diciptakan, kau turut mengagungkan ciptaan Allah. dan sebaik-baik teman ialah teman yang mengingatkan kita kepada mati.
"tapi aku serious rasa aku jatuh cinta. setiap kali aku tengok dia, aku rasa sangat tenang.."
that's my dear, the work of satan.
tahukah anda, satan berbakat, haaa, berbakat dia ni. bakatnya ialah menghiaskan perkara-perkara buruk. contohnya, bergaul bebas adalah perkara yang sangat buruk, sangat hodoh dan haram. tapi satan boleh edit baik punya, sampai nampak semua ni indah. pegang tangan bf indah, peluk-peluk indah, kissing pun indah. tapi hakikatnya TIDAK.
tell me, siapa yang dapat tahu bila masa setan berbisik kepadanya?
aku bagi contoh paling simple. bangun subuh.
time nak bangun subuh punya la susah. alarm dah bunyi. kau fikir, "ala, baru pkul 6, ada 1 jam lagi. tidur kejap". alarm bunyi lagi "hmm baru 6.30, lelap kejap lagi" alarm bunyi dan bunyi! "ALLAH ! dah pukul 7. mati la aku terbabas subuh!"
kau agak suara siapa la yang cakap "tidur kejap" dan "lelap kejap" tu. tu bisikan setan tu. tapi kau dengar macam suara sendiri kan? mcm sendiri yang merelakan tapi bila betul- betul sedar, which is too late, kau menyesal.
jadi segala benda yang tak baik tapi kau rasa FUN, BEST, AWESOME tu, adalah hiasan yang diedit oleh si setan ni. dia tak payah guna software apa-apa pun nak edit. jap, itu wallahualam, aku tak tau dia guna apa bagi edit-edit ni. tapi yang pasti, dia edit la.
dia juga memberikan kita pandangan yang serong. sampai sesetengah fikir, pergi ceramah agama = tak cool. pergi concert katy perry= sangat cool. okay ni pun sebahagian propaganda yang sedang berleluasa. orang fikir benda buruk = cool. benda baik = tak cool.
who defines the word cool anyway? it's yourself.
kawan-kawan. hakikatnya, hati semua orang bersih. suci. tapi kita sendiri mencemarkannya dengan buat benda-benda tak elok. at one point, you will think benda tak elok tu benda biasa sebab dah selalu buat.
kenapa aku cakap couple-couple haram, dating tu haram?
dating tu antara 2 pihak je, lelaki dan perempuan. dan selalunya bila ada seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan duduk berdua, akan datang pihak ketiga. aku bukannya cakap pasal perempuan lain ke apa. pihak ketika tu si setan la. apa lagi. then dia pun ayat korang dua baik punya, mengindahkan perkara yang buruk, sampaikan korang dua terjebak dalam maksiat. terus jatuh haram.
couple-couple pun sama je. couple mesti dating kan? aah. sama la hukum
"macamana aku nak kahwin nanti kalau aku tak couple sekarang. nanti aku takde experience.."
kau nak experience apa? tak payah. banyak sangat experience nanti kau tak boleh handle dengan kekasih sorang. hahaha.
aku tahu ramai kawan-kawan aku yang berchenta-chentun ni. aku tulis semua ni untuk korang.
"kau jealous sebab bf aku hot"
ya Allah aku tak jealous la. kalau boleh aku nak cakap : ambik la bf kau aku tak mau pun. tapi aku tulis semua ni untuk korang baca, dan mungkin ada sedikit kesedaran. sebab aku tau kadang-kadang kita tak tahu certain things kan. sebab benda ni tak diterapkan sejak kecik. ada ke kecik2 pandai kiss anak orang? pengaruh barat habis la. semua jadi kebiasaan.
kau tau tak perasaan aku pergi shopping mall dan witness semua ni? aku sakit hati. sakit yang teramat. sebab aku rasa kalau aku tak cakap, siapa nak cakap? aku dah terangkan. pada yang tak puas hati, sila tinggalkan comment ataupun contact je aku. tak payah cakap belakang, kau cakap je dengan aku. aku takde hal.
"eleh, kau tipu. aku tau kau jealous sebab kau tak pernah rasa nikmat cinta"
...... takde maknanya nikmat cinta. nikmat cinta hanya pada Allah. tak mau aku rasa nikmat yang haram.
dan aku admit, aku bukannya sempurna. aku masih ada cacat cela, siapalah aku nak berhujah lebih-lebih tapi, kalau aku nak tunggu aku perfect, time tu mungkin aku dah terlalu lewat untuk berhujah dan tak sempat nak mengingatkan kawan-kawan.
lagi-lagi dekat bulan puasa ni. siapa betul-betul percaya setan kena ikat time puasa? mungkin setan yang freelance kena la ikat. tapi kalau setan tu dah sebati dengan diri kita, takkan kita kena ikat kot? jadi dia stay je la dalam diri kita. jadi, suppress syaitan dengan mengupgradekan iman. insyaAllah, you'll find a way.
menjadi kejam seketika.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
anyway. aku tak puas hati. sebab. ntah. just tak puas hati. i've been reading blogs and aaaaaaaaah tak puas hati !! bukannya apa. sebab kawan-kawan blogger aku yang meluahkan perasaan diorang, dan aku rasa, benda tu kici punya hal, tapi jadi benda besar sebab benda tu diperbesarkan. walaupun takde kena mengena dengan myself, aku tetap rasa tak puas hati.
okay, sebagai teenager, atau to be exact, teenage girls. these are the main things you blog about.
1) how sucks your life is.
"today my mom shouted at me and took the remote control away. omagad! so annoying and tiba-tiba je hi-jack remote control tv tu apahal? menopausal ke? eeee. i nak tengok cerita gossip girl pun tak dapat. dah la season finale!!! EEEE FML"
girl, it's just a tv show. you won't die if you didn't get to see an episode of it. and heck, i think your life would be better without a show like gossip girl cos it's a CRAP show. and to kutuk your momma like that? it's a no no. God's watching ya!
2) how your friends hurt you
"ada ke patut dia tak ajak aku gerak ou sekali. wadahek. aku kalau keluar ajak dia. EVERYTIME!!! *toot *toot* betul mamat ni. geram aku. lain kali jangan harap aku nak ajak kau. pergi mati la kau. ingat kau bagus sangat. ingat kereta kau gempak sangat? pfft"
.... okay, memang terasa sebab tak diajak. tapi mesti ada reason sebab dia tak ajak. mungkin kau ni annoying? kau selalu pau dia time bayar lunch? atau whatever reasons lah. kalau orang suka kau confirm dia akan ajak kau keluar sekali. kalau kau perangai buruk, siapa nak lepak dengan kau, brader??
3) how you saw your crush today
"hari nampak dia :))))) dia sangat hensem aaaaaaaaaaa. kiutttt. and he smiled and said hi. omagad cair. i kept looking at him. ok best day in this week~~"
*MUNTAH* believe it or not, for me to tulis ayat-ayat diatas tersebut memerlukan guts yang banyak sebab aku GELI. nampak je dah cair. kalau cakap-cakap dengan mamat tu ntah kau dah tak bernafas dah kot? ha ha.
4) how you are in love with someone you're not supposed to be in love with
"sigh, aku nampak dia dari jauh je. pilu. aku tak tau nak buat macamana dah. he's all i've been thinking about. dia pulak buat bodoh je. kau tau tak aku terseksa!! and stop hanging out with that ugly b***** !! aaaa. jeles :((( im in love with you la bodoh"
where do i even start? he's not meant for you so MOVE ON. it's hard? try doing it, then you'd know it's possible or not. gila ke apa kesian kat laki tu kena maki sebab kau yang beriya-iya suka kat dia. and jangan cakap you're in love. cos you're not!
nanti aku post kenapa it's not love. ni satu topic yang panjang. haha.
5) things at school
"aku benci betul cikgu bm tu. apahal selalu attack aku ni? aku buat kot homework kau semua. yang si X tu tak buat langsung kau tak nak attack? eee benci."
hahahaha. cikgu nak mengajar pun salah. ntah la. all i can say is, one day you'll thank her for being like that cos if not you wouldn't be studying.
6) for the ones ada gf/bf
"it's our 7 weekaniversary today. i love you sayang. you're my only one, baby. rindu hugs and kisses from sayang :( nanti kita celebrate okay hubby sayang"
MAK AIH GELI GABAN. maaf, aku allergic benda-benda ni. sejak bila pulak kau kahwin dengan mamat tu? aku rasa ramai orang melayu ni tak sedar yang dating tu haram, dan couple-couple before marriage tu haram.
akanku elaborate issue ni lagi.
7) the must have words in blogs
F***
S***
C****
L*****
babi < the only word aku mampu taip sebab dia binatang.
konklusi? aku pun pernah lalui zaman muda-mudi teenager ni. jadi aku tau la sikit-sikit. aku mengaku, aku pun ada entry pasal tak puas hati dengan kawan-kawan, benda yang terjadi kat sekolah and etc. tapi aku takde la sampai mencarut setiap ayat.
contohnya :
"F*** bodoh gila minah ni aku dah cakap jangan kacau babi l***** setan sial."
apa kau dapat dari mencarut ni? puas ke hati? aku rasa lagi kau sakit hati ada la.
dan aku, alhamdulillah sedar akan perangai buruk tu so aku stop. aku kalau boleh nak sedarkan orang ramai jugak tapi nampaknya orang ramai lagi suka berperangai buruk, mungkin dia ingat macam tu cool kot. aku pun confuse.
sudah-sudah lah tu. sedar la wahai kawan-kawan.
aku tengok malaysia ni future dia tak cerah sebab pemuda pemudi perangai macam ni. orang kata, nak predict future negara kena tengok belia-belia. belia sekarang pun ke arah kehancuran. apa nak jadi wehhhh?
masa.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
aku rasa aku kesuntukan masa.
nak beli barang, settlekan sijil, post barang.
aku tak sempat nak jumpa dengan kawan-kawan. kalau ada masa, jumpalah, iA.
sebab aku plan punyalah baik, hari ni buat ini dan itu, tapi akhirnya, rasa tak sempat juga. next wednesday dah mula puasa. which is really great, aku excited. :) dan sabtu depan ni aku menghilang seketika, harap maklum.
there's one thing that always lingers in my mind. sifat aku yang suka judge orang. aku rasa aku terlalu judgemental. aku cuba suppress perasaan ni tapi dia tetapi terlintas dalam kepala. aku rasa the root of the problem is hati aku. kalau hati aku tak judgemental, takde lah dia sampai kat otak aku kan? haih. moga-moga aku dapat suppress perasaan ni dengan jayanya.
sekarang tengah tengok cerita tv3. cerekarama tu. crap juga la in sense of lifestyle modern, datin-datin konon. ada sugar mummy and all. tapi acceptable sebab dia nak tunjuk keburukan berbomoh-pawang ni. jadi aku layan. kalau cerita macam akarasia, hotel mania, ntah apa-apa title dia, wasalam lah okay. banyak cerita merepek. ikutkan style barat sangat. hish. buruk betul.
sayang.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
---------------
Pada suatu hari, saya bertanya kepada emak,"Mana satu pilihan hati, orang yang sayangkan kita atau yang kita sayang? "Mak jawab,
"dua-dua bukan.."Saya tercengang.. Mak mengukir senyuman.
"Pilihan hati mak adalah yang sayangkan kita kerana Allah.."Saya menarik nafas dalam-dalam.
"Macam mana nak tau orang tu sayang kita kerana apa?"Mak diam sekejap berfikir dan kemudian tersenyum.
Rasanya mak dapat menduga apa yang sedang bermain dalam hati anak perempuannya. Mana mungkin saya mampu menyorokkan rahsia hati dari mak sedangkan sekilas saya pun mak mampu membacanya.
"Yang paling tahu hanya Allah.."mak merenung dalam-dalam wajah anaknya.
"Kerana hanya Allah mampu membaca hati hambaNya.. "mak menyusun ayat-ayatnya.
"Dan keikhlasan kerana Allah itu akan terserlah keberkatannya tanpa perlu sengaja ditonjokan oleh seseorang tu.."Saya memintas,
"Tak faham.."Mak menyambung
"Cinta di dalam jalan Allah.. Bertemu kerana sama-sama mencari redha Allah.."Mak menyambung lagi,
"begini, setiap insan yang bergelar manusia telah Allah ciptakan berpasang-pasangan. Rasa ingin dikasihi antara seorang suami dan isteri suatu fitrah. Automatik boleh ada daya tarikan magnet tu.."Wajah saya merah, sedikit cemas jika mak dapat mengesan gelora jiwa muda ini.. Mak menyambung
"Setiap manusia telah Allah tetapkan rezeki,jodoh dan maut sejak azali lagi. Persoalannya ialah, Siapakah jodohnya itu?"mak berhenti seketika. Saya tunduk malu, cuba menyorokkan rasa panas di pipi. Emak buat-buat tidak nampak.
"Kakak.. Jatuh cinta perkara biasa. Apabila kita jatuh cinta pada seseorang, itu tandanya ada sesuatu keistimewaan pada seseorang tu. Apatah lagi orang yang kita jatuh cinta tu di atas jalan dakwah ni..Tetapi kita kena ingat.. Kita tak akan dikahwinkan dengan seseorang atas sebab jatuh cinta atau saling cinta mencintai.. Bercouple mungkin.. Tetapi bukan berkahwin... Kerana kita berkahwin dengan jodoh kita, jodoh yang Allah dah tetapkan sejak azali.. Dan tak mustahil orang yang kita paling benci itulah jodoh kita yang kita akan dikahwinkan dengannya.."Tiba-tiba air mata saya mengalir. Argh! Ego saya kalah bila mendengar hujah emak. Emak meneruskan,
"Allah itu Maha Adil.. Dia tak pernah menzalimi hambaNya..Sesungguh nya, yang selalu menzalimi hambaNya ialah diri hamba tu sendiri.. Sebabnya hamba tu degil. Dia mahukan yang bukan haknya, yang bukan milik dia.emak berhenti seketika..
Mencintai seseorang tidak semestinya memilikinya.
Dalam Islam, kita dah diajar untuk saling mencintai antara satu sama lain seperti diri sendiri.. Jadi apabila kita mencintai saudara perempuan, kita bebas peluk dia. Tetapi bila dengan lelaki, kita ada batas-batasnya.
Orang kafir kata batas-batas ini suatu diskriminasi, tetapi sebenarnya batas-batas syariat itulah yang memelihara kehormatan seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan. Cuba kakak renungkan, kita mengenali seorang insan yang amat baik, sempurna agamanya dan rajin. Lalu kita jatuh hati padanya.
Ditakdirkan jodohnya dengan insan lain, kita pula dengan yang lain..
Tetapi itu tidak bermakna ukhwah antara kita dan dia terputus.. Kita dan dia sama-sama mencari redha Allah.. Kita dan dia masih boleh sama-sama bekerjasama untuk mencari redha Allah.. Perbezaannya, dia halal untuk isterinya sedangkan untuk kita, dia tetap lelaki ajnabi seperti yang awalnya."
Tentu kering tekak emak menerangkan kepada saya persoalan hati ini.
"Kakak.. jadi di sini mak nak kakak faham, jatuh cinta bukan perkara luar biasa..Dan berkahwin pun bukan suatu jaminan untuk tak jatuh cinta pada lelaki lain.. Kerana itulah ramai isteri yang curang, suami yang curang..
Ada orang tukar pasangan macam tukar baju. Apa yang penting ialah kita kena perjelaskan pada diri kita supaya setiap kali kita jatuh cinta, jatuh cinta itu kerana kita jatuh cinta kepada Pencipta dia. Kita bagi tau pada diri kita berulang kali yang kita mencintai Allah, kerana itu kita mencintai si dia. Letakkan Allah sebagai sempadan hati kita, segala perkara yang kita cintai dan sayangi termasuk mak abah adalah kerana mencintai Allah.. Dan apabila kita membenci seseorang atau sesuatu, beri tahu pada diri sendiri berulangkali yang kita benci sekian-sekian hal kerana Allah semata-mata. ."
"Kakak.. Hati kita ni walaupun dalam dada kita sendiri, ia tetap bukan milik kita. Kita tak mampu untuk mengawalnya. . Hanya Allah yang boleh memegangnya. . Sebab tu kita kena dekatkan diri dengan Allah.. Sebab kita nak dia pegang kukuh-kukuh hati kita. Bila dia pelihara dan masuk dalam hati kita, itulah nikmat lazatnnya bercinta. Masa tu biarpun satu dunia menyakiti kita, kita tak rasa sakit sebab kita asyik dengan nikmat bercinta dengan Allah..Bercinta dengan Allah sangat berbeza dari bercinta dengan manusia. Kerana tentulah pegalaman bercinta dengan lelaki kaya,rupawan, sempurna dan bijaksana tak sama rasanya bercinta dengan lelaki miskin, hodoh,cacat dan dungu.. Betapa nikmatnya cinta Allah, hanya mereka yang pernah merasai sahaja yang mampu mengerti. "
"Kakak.. Walau siapapun jodoh yang Allah hantarkan untuk kakak, terimalah dengan hati yang redha.. Tak mustahil dia adalah orang yang kita benci.Sekali lagi berjuraian air mata saya turun. Terasa lemah lutut hendak berdiri.
Kalau yang kakak sayang, tak jadi hal lah.. Tapi kalau dapat yang kakak tak nak, lantaran kelemahan yang ada pada dia, ingatlah bahawa dalam diri setiap insan telah Allah ciptakan dengan kelebihan masing-masing. Dan mungkin kakak ada kekuatan yang dapat mengubah si lelaki tadi supaya hidup dia bermakna dan mungkin kakak sahaja yang mampu mencungkil kelebihan yang ada pada dia.. Mungkin juga si lelaki ini ada sesuatu kelebihan yang kakak sangat-sangat perlukan yang satu dunia tak mampu bagi pada kakak..
Alangkah bertuahnya kakak kalau kakak mengerti setiap pemberian Allah dan belajar untuk bersyukur.. "
Emak menarik tubuh saya dan memeluk erat. Pelukan emak sangat-sangat kuat.
---------------
renung-renungkanlah.
grateful.
every seconds, minutes, hours, days of your life.
your life is precious, don't waste it away with something insignificant.
khamis.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
mula-mula pergi rehlah dekat shah alam with the sisters. aku lewat sejam, dari KL ke shah alam, took me an hour to reach. one hour! adoi. met mar, nad, nurul, azlin, farah, mun, farahin, ika and han. had a good time with them. :) iA we'll meet again next week. aku seriously excited. hehehehehe. tapi down sikit, sebab eli tak jadi pergi. haih. takpe. it's like what i've told her : next camp kau kena pergi, aku tak kira! hahaha.
lepas rehlah and said goodbyes, gerak ke taman sea, pick up dana and sasa. pergi mid valley untuk memburu kasut itu. lepas sejam baru sampai mid valley sebab berpusing-pusing cari parking. adoi. banyak gila kereta...
mencari-cari, jumpa kedainya. nampak kasut tu on display. terus laju je jalan masuk.
"boleh mintak kasut ni size 8?"try lah the kasut. mula2 ingatkan dia besar. tapi actually sama je. it looks big cos the lace is tied differently. mana la tau ada 8 lelaki 8 perempuan. sexist la pulak converse ni. then terus nak beli. tak kisah dah. lepas bayar and all, muka pun jadi macam ni >> :))
"8? lelaki ke perempuan?"
"err, perempuan?"
"hm? 8? kasut ni size berapa?" *tunjuk kasut yang aku pakai waktu tu. converse dark blue, 8*
"8.."
"hah? 8? tengok tapak"
*tunjuk tapak*
"ok"
*lelaki sales assistant tu pun mencari*
"takde la."
"hmm, boleh ambik yang display ni?"
"display tu size 7.."
"tak, dia size 8"
"oh? boleh."
maka, aku pun gembira. pergi bangsar kejap, dana ambik cake untuk mahesh then singgah tempat man kit, lepas tu pergi makan kat ara damansara. later on, teri and haris joined us. before they came, dana said "they're coming. act natural." i gasped. lol. saje je la.
pergi watson, beli ubat. sakit perut, HCl dah berkeledak dalam perut sebab lewat makan lunch. bayangkanlah, lunch at 4.30pm. niiice. -.- pergi bank, hantar dana balik, hantar sasa balik, stop kat al-hidayah, balik puchong.
PENAT. penat drive satu hari. walaupun ada masanya dana drive. adoi. nasib kereta auto. manual nanti ntah camana. dah dengan traffic jammed semua. adoi.
terlalu penat hinggakan aku tidur lebih daripada 10 jam. tak terbangun sahur dan subuh. :/ ni melampau sangat! geram dengan diri sendiri. :S
Pagi Yang Masih Gelap.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
"Who am I to you?"
"Who says there's nothing more complicated than E=mc²? It's called emotions."
Amie asked me to read all hlovate's novel. Best ke Amie? Gayanya macam best, tapi saya malas ohh bab-bab membaca ni. Serious...
I blame this novel for the tinnie tiny lovey dovey I'm feeling now. MUSHY. ew. =.=" Haha. Pernah I posted about what I wanted of love. *mencari entry lama* here it is! aku ada baca entri-entri Fynn Jamal dan buat statement berani macam tu. Little did I know she read that post. *maluuuu* I don't know why but when you're married, and you bercinta macam unmarried couple zaman sekarang = SWEET. :) Macam Fynn, macam Addin dalam novel. Aaaa. Comel gila ! Saya mahu macam tu? Kidding! Ha ha ha ha ha. Stop berangan lah. HEHEHE.
Semalam tengok Inception with gang wednesday. We broke the rules. We went out on Monday! Hahaha. Went to Pyramid, upon my request, semata-mata nak check out Converse Pyramid. Hehe. They had lunch kat Shihlin, we catch up on things. Inception, gempak la. I really like the movie. I'm starting to like C.Nolan's movies. :D The actors ramai famous juga. Ada J. Gordon-Levitt, tu penting. And C. Murphy. My favourite villain. Tapi dalam movie ni dia adalah mangsa. Haha. And Ellen Page! My Junebug :D And ada cameo by my favourite British actress, Talulah Riley. Ohsem line up. Not gonna write spoilers for the movie. Don't worry. :)
C. Murphy's eyes. Blue eyes. Why and why do I like blue eyed guys? Macam S. Knight. Gojes ais. :D Ok, did some digging on C. Murphy, aparrently he does not like the fame and all. He never reveal his private life with the press and never have interviews unless it's about his movie. Family man lah ni. Haha. He's part Irish. Lagi aaa suka. IRISH!
Athirah said J. Gordon-Levitt looked more manly in this movie. Yeap, he looked good. Smart.
After movies, went to Carl's Junior upon my request juga. HEHE, thank you kawans. ;) Chilli cheese fries + Chilli jumbo dog + Iced lemon tea = kenyang gila. Alhamdulillah~
Oh yea, TGV Pyramid macam apa je. Student price also RM9. Kepala paip betul. Mahal gila. Sunday GSC pun RM9. Apahal mahal sangat ni aku pun tak paham.
Saya dah takde duit. Sedih. Nak pegi MidValley! Nak check out Converse sana pulak. Siapa nak teman ni? Semua ada class, gang wednesday je lah free. Mari mari? :P Thursday ni iA ada rehlah. Macam excited tapi segan sikit. Hehehe.
Ada orang tu "marah" sebab schedule aku agak compact. Especially in August. Hey, apa kes? Ada plan masa cuti pun bising. :p
quickie.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
it's been quite sometime this thing started but no one really knew, except few ones were with me in Kursk. i do no wish people for their birthday. i do not celebrate birthday. i don't wanna sing the birthday song. i have my own reasons for this. too long to explain here, takut korang takkan faham persepsi aku. insyaAllah satu hari nanti aku explain. bukan sekarang. jadi, tolong jangan terasa kalau aku tak wish. sorry.
if nak tau reason sebenar, tanya je aku bila jumpa. settle. k?
tadi tengok despicable me & toy story 3. had a great time with my girls. despicable me made me teared, bcos laughed too much and toy story 3 ending sedih, teared lagi. (nasib baik aku tak obses dgn toys time dulu2 kalau tak balik rumah nangis2 selongkar toys lama2) hahaha.
btw, cerita / shows kat tv sekarang mcm crap. or it has always been like this but mentality aku berubah?
apa nak jadi dengan aku?
apa nak jadi dengan dunia?
ya rabbi, berikanku kekuatan untuk menepis segala keburukan. aku hanyalah hamba yang lemah.
chenta.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
balik je semalam kemas sikit dengan mama. lepas tu ingat nak tidur, tapi bila dah online.. haih. lalai betul. tiba-tiba tengok jam dah pukul 3am, tu sedar sebab aisha cakap dia nak tidur dah. adoi, aku nak buat apa? takkan nak tidur, alamat lepas lah subuh nanti. suddenly i remembered about the novel. okay, let's read!
baca dan baca, i couldn't put the book down, sampai lah pukul 6.30am. huish. aku bukan jenis yang membaca, and i don't really read malay novel. tapi bila kat kursk dulu si eli, aisha, ima recommend kan baca tunas, a novel by hlovate ni, i'm hooked. and aA+bB is the continuation lah kira, eventhough aA+bB was published first. i seriously don't like to read. tapi these 2 novels, i really like. not to say i love cintan cintun novel. last month i read pilot cafe novel i borrowed from nadia pun baca tak baca je. skip banyak sebab bosan. and it's a love story lah jugak. plus, i finish the book within a day je sebab banyak skip. wahaha.
aA+bB really is interesting. nak kata jiwang, tak jugak. main characters are trashers, tak main ayat cinta-cinta ni. girl named addin shah and boy named benz alif. addin sempoi, benz cool. tapi towards the end of the book diorang agak mushy lah but not so, so i can still tolerate.
cerita macam ni lah buat aku wonder maybe, there is someone out there for ourself. like really meant for us? i've heard that, girls are made from one of the guys rib cage. so each girl is meant for specific guy. (this is the saying because Hawa was made from Adam's ribcage) erk, entahlah.
this novel macam bittersweet love story. benz sweet lah. aku jatuh hati. hahah. dana cakap ni macam edward cullen aku lah konon. i said, benz is more realistic cos he's not 107 years old vampire. :P
itulah dia my point of view bila baca this novel. tapi bila snap back to reality, couples sekarang macam apa je. okay, not all of them, most of them anyway. haha. aku bukannya jealous dan aku obviously "tak rasa apa yang diorang rasa" which is "rasa berchenta" ni. aku rasa tak payah nak tunjuk kau berchenta tahap gaban lepas tu break. sebab aku tak rasa diorang rasa apa yang patut diorang rasa. mostly infatuation, please don't call it love. you have ruined the reputation of love by saying that you're in love but clearly you are not. (at least to me you are not, you yourself, apa you tau. hahaha)
strong like and love tak sama. sayang = love or cinta = love? sayang and cinta lain kay.
apa2 lah. aku rant pasal chenta ni takkan habis punya. aku dah pernah post pasal cinta ni kat blog lama pun. haha.
chenta je lah pada yang satu, pada yang Esa, padaNya kerana hanya Dia takkan kecewakan kita.
empty.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
aku rasa the cons of balik rumah is these feelings. perangai makin teruk. im back to my old self. mood swing tak pasal. is it really bcos of the enviroment kat rumah or i am what i am? aku tak suka dengan perangai sendiri, tapi bila cuba ubah, dia jadi macam tu juga. willing tak kuat. lemah! manusia yang hina!
aku buat benda2 yang aku tak sepatutnya buat, seperti buang masa. serious aku buang masa. aku balik 8 july kan? skrg dah hampir 2 minggu and satu apa pun aku tak achieve. buang masa, buang duit je kerja. menyusahkan parents. menyusahkan kawan2. seriously annoyed with my own self!
semalam pergi KL with parents, nak settlekan visa tokyo. lepas tu aku ckp aku nak keluar, yeah, aku actually nak makan naan, haha. aku ajak dana, dia ajak the rest of the gang. aku pun pergi lah KJ jumpa dorang semua. haris picked me up, cos i didnt have the car with me. pegi digital mall, got myself something. pergi baker's cottage. got my fav tuna filled bun. :) :) << mood happy.
lepas tu they decided to go makan kat picadilly. aku ikut je. aku tak jadi makan naan. diorang je la makan, aku lepak je. << mood dah turun.
lepas tu dana and teri had to go back, so haris send them home. aku terus diam, time tu dah almost 9pm. << mood start hilang.
aku tak rasa sbb picadilly tu aku hilang mood, aku sebenarnya marah dgn diri sendiri, tak tau kenapa rasa nak jerit je time tu, tapi cool, cool. jgn buat gila, buat scene dpn org. aku hampir nangis sebenarnya tapi tahan je lah, aku tak nak buat scene, like i said. after hantar dana, sasa cakap "sya is quiet already." << mood betul2 hilang.
aku cakap aku mengantuk, which was true pun. haris pun pelik kenapa aku ngan teri diam. teri sakit perut actually, haha. aku? ntah. lepas send off teri, we're on the way to puchong, my place. aku rasa sedikit bersalah sbb haris kena hantar aku, dah la jauh weh. tapi aku takde transport lain! lagipun dorang kata okay bila aku tanya boleh ke hantar aku balik. hm. << mood tenang.
bila sampai rumah, sasa and haris were so excited. aku pun melayankan je lah. showed them around. haris said this is his dream house. hahaha. sasa cakap ni cantik, tu cantik. semua la dorang suka. << mood dah okay.
at the end of the night, aku okay,
MOOD SWING GILA. aku rasa hormones aku pun menggila. jerawat banyak gila kat muka, macam aku stress padahal tak pun. ke memang aku stress duduk rumah? hahahaha.
part of me nak balik kursk, sebab kat situ aku WARAS.
weird, tempat yang tak waras buat aku waras. tempat yang waras buat aku GILA!
tak suka.
erghghghghg.
baca post entry blog pun tau time bila aku waras, time bila aku gila. dan time tu aku kat mana.
gileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..
;S
a trip down to memory lane
first of all meet John Denver, my current bf. :p
my fortune cookie said this. :o
form 5~ one of the best years. :'))
cantik kan tag. tgk laa siapa designer dia. HAHAHA *angkat bakul sendiri*
cantik kan tag. tgk laa siapa designer dia. HAHAHA *angkat bakul sendiri*
my primary school time where my obsession about barbie stuff. mannn.. i was THAT girl?
keychain. i dont rmmbr why but i was called chicken. i think we had our all animal names back then. f2 time
during primary. athirah gave me this. hahahahaha. i dont even remember! but this is the proof. i bet athirah pun tak ingat kan ;D
and the worst thing, my diary. i tak sempat tak pic of the front cover. but the content, omg! GELI GUA. EW EW EW EW EW EW. all those writings about hate and love. mostly hate lah kan, about this person and that person. the way i wrote. GELI. EW!!!
:D
but something caught my eye, i wrote there :
" i wanna be a doctor!"
aku terdiam. i wrote then when i was 12. i was determined back then, but why doubting it now? i should regain my strength and faith. i wanna be a doctor. :)
someone once said if you laugh at your old-self, that means you are growing up. yeay im growing up. :)
:D
but something caught my eye, i wrote there :
" i wanna be a doctor!"
aku terdiam. i wrote then when i was 12. i was determined back then, but why doubting it now? i should regain my strength and faith. i wanna be a doctor. :)
someone once said if you laugh at your old-self, that means you are growing up. yeay im growing up. :)
speaking.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
kalau aku cakap english, aku ni nampak arrogant ke? poyo? sebab tak reti2 nak berbahasa melayu?
sometimes i do feel comfortable speaking in english tapi most of the time aku hantam cakap melayu jugak.
hari tu time jalan2 with aisha, aku asyik ckp english. aku perasan, tapi bila try tukar cakap melayu, automatic akan tukar to english balik. macamlah aku duduk russia aku cakap english. kat russia aku cakap melayu selalu. sampaikan roommate aku yang tak paham melayu boleh cakap melayu dah sikit2.
serious time balik ni aku asyik ckp english. then lately, abang cakap aku punya english ada slang. MANA ADA. ke ada? hahahaha, aku rasa mcm takde. pelik ah.
aku tak cakap yang english aku power. tolong sikit. grammar english aku tunggang terbalik, tatabahasa melayu ntah ke mana. padesh ruski? ooohhh way beyond horrible.
i speak broken. malay. english. russian. i can't speak proper.
"can't you speak prop-er?" quote from a british movie. lol. tetiba xD
i can't! mostly sekarang i speak rojaks. english malay russian. tapi now in malaysia siapa je paham ruski, jadi kita buang ruski tu jauh2. :P
tapi best, time jln2 with aisha, we spoke russian so no one can understand. nyahaha. tapi aku pun pening laa kalau aku cakap russian aisha pun tak paham. ;[ haha
so tak kisah lah aku cakap bahasa apa. janji paham. nanti cek dok habaq kat hang macam orang kedah, hang dak paham, cek pun susah. keche' kelate kang mu dok pahe gok. nasib baik mek sik tauk kelakar sangat, mun sik kitak pun pening.
arai na? mai ru, mai kau chai. 55555555! (thai)
pahe dok? 555!
:)
oke lah explain sikit;
arai na? = apa dia?
mai ru = tak tau
mai kau chai = tak paham
5 = ha
5555 = hahahah
whatever it is;
SAY it don't SPRAY it.
weekends.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
abang : adik, kau jangan kahwin.dont get it wrong, bukan penat apa. penat nak buat preparation. the walimatul urus. the hantaran, the bunga telur, etc.
me : hahahha kenapa?
abang : penat !
PENAT ! and i'm not the one who's getting married. bayangkan laaa. like i said, we've been through this last year, during kakak's wedding. but i think last year lagi penat. tido like 3am to siapkan things. etc etc. eventhough i have to admit, i'm the lazy member. i only do maybe 30% of the work and i already complaining penat. kudos to mama. idk how she does it. shes a superwoman~ ayah can la also be superman. hehehe.
few months ago, i have this 'dream', that time wedding abang i wanna play the Barakallahulakuma song by Maher Zain. cos it's the doa for newlyweds. tapi tinggal mimpi je la. i don't have the song to pass the dj. :( ok la, here, i tujukan the song to them. haha.
and ramai suka buat joke pasal next year i pulak getting married, cos last year was kakak's and this year is abang's. =.=" sudah2 lah. i'm giving my parents at least 7 years of rest before my wedding begins. ;) haahaa.
it's nice to have abang around. and kakak. i like it when we're all here together. despite every bittersweet we've been through. *sentimental sekejap* lepas ni aku confirm solo. kakak has her own family now and abang gonna start his. wow, if i already feel like this, my parents lagi lah. with myself gonna be home for only 1-2 months in a year. i'm gonna missed out every exciting thing. :(
my niece is interesting. she's nocturnal. sleeps during the day, despite of all kinds of noises. wake up during the night, trouble her parents. huahuahua. little azizah. miow. :D
kakak doesn't look like a mom. and we still got mistaken as each other. old news. -.- most of ppl think i'm the elder. cos i'm taller. ha ha. heyy i'm taller than kak wani. kesianlah, she's been wearing 4 inch heels during the wedding reception. well you know what they say : beauty is pain. speaking of shoes, i wore my black sneakers to both events on saturday and sunday. on saturday still ok i think cos i was wearing black pants. on sunday i wore the sneakers with the turqoise baju kurung. what to do lah, i don't have any other shoes. i can't wear anyone elses' shoes cos my feet is 'delicate'. i thought i could wear teri's but, oooh dear. i couldn't. so the heck with it, not like people gonna notice. BUT, a'd noticed. that's bcos she always look at the shoes i think? she was like "next time, jangan pakai kasut ni!" hahahahhaah. i already warned my parents i'm gonna wear it. abang and ayah were like, just wear it. im like yeah !! the dudes in the family supportive gila. ahhahaha. on sunday abang mentioned about my shoes. kak wani was like "semalam pun dia pakai kan?" haha. black sneakers ftw! (Y)
it's good to be home. i thanked the Almighty for that. but one thing i dont like being home, my attitude changes. to my old self. the negative me. i don't know why but the environment makes me become so. i must learn how to control these behaviours. ;S
b-b-break
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
o well.
abang's back. i cant believe he still steals my blanket when i was asleep. i dono why but he always do that. i woke up in early morning (like really early) realising my blanket's gone. oh look, it's on the floor with a dude lying on it. oh, brother. -.- i had to get something else to cover myself. and i was like ahhh malasnyaa, i'm alrdy lying down. ok, think, you wanna be lazy and get cold for the rest of the sleep or be slightly rajin and go get the towel? (i seriously said that to myself) so i got up and grab the towel and cover myself, sambung balik tido. yeay me. lol.
when everyone else was awake, talking and talking, i just feel like sleeping. i think my mom or was it my aunt, fold the blanket my bro used and cover me up. lols.
oh yeah im pretty sure its my aunt. cos she would say something like "oo selimut, selimut. sexy, sexy." -.- i was wearing shorts je kot. not like i'm well... ahhaha, ok. :$
btw, abang bought this armani perfume, limited edition. it looked nice. didn't smell it. the reason he bought it? the limited edition perfume comes with a limited edition playing cards. i knew it. hahaha.
mama wanted said, "we shud do bbq end of this month.." and im sure, by we, she meant me. -.- not that i dont wanna do, i just think there's not much time. with the wedding this weekend, and the post-wedding tire. hoho. we've been through this last yr ppl. it's not that easy.. i wonder why women, like mama, aunts and grandma, gets soooooooooooooo excited to plan the wedding. so many things to do. so tiring. so. so. so. tiring! (even if its not me who do most of the stuff, can u imagine?) and the dudes just laid back. ok not really goyang kaki but pretty laid back lah.
oh women. sometimes i dont get you. my idea of shopping, go to the shop, get the things, go back home. yeap. not going around every store and well, look at everything and then decide which to buy. i don't really like shopping much. i mean, i like when i get to buy something i like. but not the idea of going to every stores and check out everything. thats why i rarely shop. hoho. i dono. i like to think that sometimes i do think like a dude. hahahahahaha.
oh, watching the friday prayer thing on tv1. i dono why the camera ppl are so close to the ppl whos praying and with the camera flash and all. distracting la. plus, this particular saying like haunts me (in a good way) everytime i thought of friday prayer. something like this :
"takkan ada jemaah subuh yang lebih ramai dari jemaah jumaat".
SO TRUE. :S
what is the diff anyway? subuh prayer is no less wajib as jumaat prayer. but of cos, to pray as jemaah is optional but wouldn't it be great if we could build jemaah subuh as many as jemaah jumaat?
hm.
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