Feels the need to write since the last 2 posts are so depressing. I've been alright. Surprisingly so good these couple of weeks. Good doesn't mean I didn't ended up crying and hugging my brother -- but good as in I can move on from that 'storm' phase and live life.
There are so many things that I need to do, I can't focus on the things that's holding me back. I can't keep torment my mind about the things I couldn't do, so I just move on and do the things that I can do instead.
Few highlights since the storm in no particular order, good or bad :
- raya was awful for me.
- I went to work more in July and met with the boys and girls. They definitely takes some edges off of me.
- I went for IMARET mission for orang asli. wasn't reaaaally hyped up as I don't get hyped up about stuff but it felt so good to be able to join. I know I didn't do much but it was so awesome! I wanna go again :D
- my spectacles broke. wuuu T.T so I started wearing lens while scouting places to make cheap spectacles. as I need to pay for my own, sigh.
- I get to meet the people behind IMAM. which is awesome and inspiring
- went for Nouman Ali Khan talk with my lubov. it was so gooood
- went for usrah with the girls. talked about real life issues. I love this.
- spend time with my best friends. :)
- got a lot of self-hate one of the days. because I feel so stupid for letting someone does bad things to me. sigh
- went for medicorp course. it was a one week before decision as I feel the need to learn stuff and distract myself with something useful.
- hang out with friends and juniors who came home for summer break. they're nice :)
So in conclusion, life isn't bad if you choose to do something good in it. I broke down a little last night - hormonal stuff, I hate this - but I was all good afterwards. I just need time to collect myself, to do the right thing with an open heart.
You see, doing the right thing isn't as easy nowadays. Because of the feel of you're like shit and you wanna protect yourself from being hurt again. But then again, at the end of the day, the right thing is still the right thing to do. I just need to convinced my heart to be cool with it, with no negative emotional attachment.
Somehow, this blog ended up as letters to myself.
Hence, dear self, hang in there. Cry if you need to, talk to the ones you love -- and you will feel better and be able to do the right thing. :)