tidak memahami.

pelik lah. im reading my own blog and i dont recognise my own words. apa bendalah aku tulis ni..... the way i write my blog has change so much, no? aaha. whatever lah kan. like you care.

its 1am in kursk and i cant sleep. i dont know why. and i don't know why i feel like a loser these past few days. self esteem takde. looking at my physics test results and judging by how many repeat tests i have to do soon, i am a loser. and no one is here to make me feel better. so many acquaintance, so little friends. you could tell me that to be strong, that i can do it, i just need to work hard and smartly, and manage my time, and blablabla. save it. i can tell myself that. there's no one to consult me other than myself. i feel like a lunatic, talking and motivating myself in my head. restraining myself to do the things i shouldn't be doing. at times it works but sometimes i stumbled, because i am weak. my soul is weak. let's feed them and make it awesome. insyaAllah, when the soul is strong, our mind, body & heart will be strong as well.

jiwa kosong = minda kosong = hati kosong.

penat

penat.
penat dengan perkara yang tak significant.
penat dengan karenah yang mnyakitkan hati.
penat dengan semua penipuan.
penat bertoleransi.
penat untuk memendamkan semuanya.

tapi,
perlu bersabar.
perlu bertenang.
perlu berdikari.
perlu tabah.
perlu bijak berfikir.

moga-moga hari esok & seterusnya akan menjadi hari yang lebih baik & bermakna.

kutuk kutuk kutuk!

apa kejadahnya semua ini??????
(ayat famous suatu ketika dahulu)

kau tak payah lah nak kutuk2 kat blog. APA BARANG WEH KUTUK KAT BLOG. seriously, kalau kau tak puas hati, mai sini, kita slow talk. cakap elok2 dgn aku. tak payah lah nak tulis segala macam sumpah seranah dan segala perkataan tak senonoh, utk menunjukkan kemarahan kau. kau kan berakal. cuba guna dan fikir, kau tulis kat blog tu nak bagi aku baca ke nak bagi seluruh dunia tau apa "kesalahan" aku?? itu pun kalau aku bersalah weh. kalau aku tak bersalah dan kau tersalah anggap, tak ke kau rasa MALU? daripada kau mengaibkan aku, baik kau cakap dgn aku face2face, berdepan, selesaikan problem. org yg kutuk2 kat blog ni ialah org yang PENAKUT tapi nak tunjuk berani.

segala penulisan dalam post ni tiada kena mengena dgn hidupku. ini ditujukan khas kepada sesiapa yang pernah mengutuk org lain dlm post mereka. kalau korang tak sedar2 diri lagi, aku pun tak tau nak cakap apa la. bak kata pepatah, "bagaikan budak kecik je mengadu kat mak sbb kakak curi mainan transformers dia!" pepatah la sgt kan! ni pepatah zaman 2009. HAHA.

hello hello hello~

OH HELLO, WORLD.
it seems that im updating this blog so often nowadays. *laughs to self* kenapa? mengapa? why? aku pun tak memahami daaa.

cepat gila dah jumaat! and im not the only one who feels that. even madam victoria. ira. niza. eli. eli ckp lagi best "baru saja aku rasa smlm usrah, esok usrah lagi!" hhaaha. KAN! "dunia dah nak kiamat ke???" idk la but we just prepare for our afterlife k :) tonight wanna go watch "house", nak melepak, tmrw class lewat. weeehuiuu. then tmrw night wanna watch "the arrivals" with eli and tasneem. seriously cerita tu open our minds and timbulkan keinsafan. huhu.

hari ni friday the 13th. siapa yang superstitious sgt mesti ada benda tak baik berlaku kan kan? *laughs evilly* :)

YOU.

you make me feel like crap! thanks a lot!!!

deep and meaningless

saznxkvdshjbhj otak nak pecah dah (menipunyaaaaaaaaaaa)

no lah im normal im normal!

nowadays everyone is falling sick. my groupmates, 3 of them are sick, 2 of them had to be quarantined for a week starting today. AH. i dont wanna get sick!! i didn't get any jabs before i came here. carol and satish did. i dont wanna get sick. cos when im sick, i love to seek for attention, dibelai dan dikasihi. sooooooooooo mengada!! even i hate myself when im sick. hmph.

am i supposed to be studying? idk. i feel like some kind of slacker these past few weeks. kept failing my tests. i got tonnes of atra!! physics tak pernah2 pass. maths 2 kali fail. bio ada 3. PERGHHHH. when is my study mood gonna come. marilah datang study mood, marilaaaaah.

i feel like such a failure.

plus, at one point i miss home so much, im so annoyed im missing it. get it? get it? get itttt? GET IT LAH. D: haha. emo pulak. tu la pasal weh! lama tak beremo. kat sini aku beremo2 nanti orang igt aku gila cos they dont know my "emotional state".

masa chem pagi tadi punya la sleepy! i was cranky cos i dreamt of this ghost kacau me when i sleep. i wasn't sure la i was dreaming or it is really there. bottom line, i rmmbr how it happened. so anyway as some of u ppl know me getting not enough sleep equals to crankyness. so i was cranky. this satish was reading the notes for us to copy and he read mcm kabut gila. i was so annoyed, my notes are all jumbled up. and when i was copying the notes, dr nick ask me irrelevant questions, makes me feel so annoyed. (oh well dr nick is in good mood a.k.a not drunk, thats why he's making small talk with us but hello, cranky person here!) ANNOYED GILA TIME TU. rasa mcm nak menjerit and get out from the class. but i was fasting, so i had to suck it up, calmed myself down. and i did. alhamdulillah. if i did blew up in class just now. everyone would be shocked. lalalalaaaaaaaaaaa.

tmrw's friday. the 13th. of nov. happy bday drinnyyy, yasmineee ;) YEAY weekends is coming! i cant waaaaaaaaaaait. weekends nowadays feels like normal days to me. and saturday is not much of a weekend to me anymore. sad. sad. sad. im so occupied with stuffs on weekends. :{ i guess thts good. at least i dont take one whole night to blog about crap. *coughlikethispostcough*

biar ah my blog my words my WISH la dehhhhhhhhhhhh.

i am changing. i cant really be myself here. i think its cause i dont want ppl to have the wrong impression of who i am. i am slightly complicated. i might laugh with you but do you really think i'm laughing inside??? i mean, i tolerate with everything so much till i realise i am not myself right now. i miss being my oldself. i feel so fake, i feel like the knock off of PRADA. (AHHA WTF)

badabingbadabung.

my phone is officially dead. i depend on my laptop for alarm. oh lappy, pls dont die on me. <3 your 2ndhand owner.

sah sah aku jadi gila doh duduk sini! MERAPU tahap GABAN!

top 10 artists

STOLE this from PARASQEEN. :P

List 10 musical artists you like, in no specific order (do this before reading the questions below). Really, don’t read the questions below until you pick your ten artists!!!

(A fun one for the music buffs out there- if you have time to waste, I’d love to see some of your answers!)

01. Paramore
02. The Academy Is…
03. Raygun
04. The All-American Rejects
05. Demi Lovato
06. Taylor Swift
07. Hey Monday
08. Lady Gaga
09. Oh Chentaku
10. 3OH!3

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
-Teardrops on My Guitar. :)

What is your favorite song of 8?
- lotssss. just dance, paparazzi, lovegame. hihii.

What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?
-pretty big. HAHA. :P

What is your favorite lyric of 5?
"you got me laughing while i sing, you got me smiling in my sleep".

How many times have you seen 4 live?
-Once only. AHHH I WANNA WANNA MORE!

What is your favorite song by 7?
-homecoming!

Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?
-nope. i only know 3 songs. i want their albummmm!

What is your favorite song by 9?
- POLAROID.

When did you first get into 2?
-when they were on snakes on a plane OST. then i checked out their songs.

How did you get into 3?
-MTV World Stage. and Toby's gorgeous eyes. AHHA.

What is your favorite song by 4?
- classic : swing swing / paper heart. current : another heart calls, real world.

How many times have you seen 9 live?
-neverrrrrrrr even tho theyre from my neighbourhood. hmmm. haha

What is a good memory concerning 2?
-oh lots. but the oldest memory was me and amir singing along to TAI's song when were in f3. (yeah i still rmmbr tht!) and we called "black mamba" song as "nigga mamba" LOL.

Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
-no. hm does she actually make sad songs?

What is your favorite song of 1?
-Can’t choose! Too many! HAHA. ok currently : all i wanted, playing god, where the lines overlap. :D

How did you become a fan of 10?
-found out their first single through dana. and dload their album. and digging other songs as well. eventho theyre all explicit -.-