To those who knew me, this will be something impossible to happened. Even when I was hospitalized for my surgery my appetite didn't affected at all. I'm a girl who loves food and loves to eat.
Couple of post back I've mentioned of losing my appetite every now and then. Last month, the situation got worse a little. I've gotten sick of food even when I'm supposedly famished. I felt nauseated after having few bites and was struggling to keep them in and not to throw up. There was once the girls came over and we had dinner together in a tray. I wanted to eat so I forced myself a little (also felt guilty cos she cooked for us) but I couldn't. I ended up crying later because I was so disappointed. 2 weeks of these, I've started to lose weight. It's not something I should be proud of because it's a freaking eating disorder. I got sad for a while but determined to eat better.
There are days I've eaten well whenever I'm with the girls. It came to a point that whenever I didn't feel nauseated I'd eat as much as I can - thinking I'll be compensating what I've lost. Turned out I've lose weight after another 2 weeks. I started to feel stressed out because of this. There was one day in class I had panic attack just because I couldn't bring myself to finish a snickers bar when the day before I barely ate. Some days I'd just fast because that's easier to be done than eating. At least there are some pahala for fasting, right?
I was open about this matter with few of my close friends. They encouraged me to eat. Some even tried to spoon fed me. (Yes it was that bad) and they were the victims whenever I couldn't finish my food, I'd asked them to finish it. 😏 But yes they are gems. They even suggested to eat spicy food so that my appetite will grow. It helps once in a while. I low-key worried of my gastric linings as I have had history of gastritis.
Come to think of it, this isn't the first time it's happening but it's the longest run so far. It happened earlier this year (when I posted here) and at that time I turned to this one friend and told her about this and guess what she said? "It's really good that you're losing weight". Look, I know I could have been needing the weight lost but this isn't what I'm looking for. It's depressing to have this because it's something that is not healthy. I didn't work out or anything. It's not good. So I stopped talking to her about this. She's still my friend, of course. But I just don't tell her about this matter anymore.
It also came to a point that I'd find it's offensive if someone said I look like I've lost weight. To which I'd reply no, I'm the same. The other day my friend was in a mood to buy food for me to which I ended up eating 1/3 of it; I asked him to finish it and he said jokingly "are you on a diet?" And i was super offended 😂 I just smiled and said the food is not nice.
Nowadays it's nothing to be worry much because it's the month of Ramadhan so I'll be fasting happily. I don't feel like checking my weight because I'm scared to know. I hope this shall pass! It's gonna be 2 months soon. Wait. It passed 2 months. Damn.