I don't know where to begin..
This clearly isn't the best time to write a post, considering I have exams next week and I barely read anything -- but I think I need to pen it down.
I wasn't sure what I was going through for the past couple of months. Heck, I am still unsure of it. I was having panic attacks and it was getting more frequent. I'd like to think I could manage things through but apparently I couldn't because it is still haunting me. As I write these down, I can feel such anxiety started to hover me. It's not even out for the world yet, and I already feel crappy.
I don't know what happened or triggered that made me this way but one thing for sure, I don't feel like the same person I was few months back. I'm starting to lose myself as days passed by and I was just living one day after another. I started to lose appetite, gained them back and lost it then it came back. Like a tennis ball being hit back and forth.
I spoke to few people about it, just the surface of it. Some asked whether I was stressed. I don't think I was, to be honest, because it all feels normal with no addition stress or whatsoever. I then realised that maybe certain things that happened before, was still lingering and I wasn't getting over them. It was buried deep inside and now it finally is eating me up. It didn't feel like a big of a deal or maybe I'm just in denial? I don't know, man.
Lately, there are so many people I care and love were sad, broken and just lost; I couldn't do anything to help and I just feel I am breaking too, inside.
When you think when you get older you'd figure things out and turns out - you can get lost along the way.