move along

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

time bagi nasihat, kata-kata semangat kat orang aku memang yakin. yakin gila la.

time kena kat batang hidung sendiri, kedu. terduduk, dengan mutiara kat pipi.

*layan perasaan mode*

okay. now I know for sure kenapa aku deactivate all my feelings. because I don't wanna be sad.

people always leave.

so why bother holding on?

I mean, I do hold on to some people (as in to be close with one) but once we're apart, I'm not gonna hold on like I did.

aku tak suka melayan perasaan.

I rather go on 3 months or even 5 occupied with my uni life, without talking to you rather than wanting to talk to you everyday / everyweek but I can't and then I'll be emoing like a little child.

faham tak?

faham tak?

I can go on months without talking to you. really. proven and done that.

thing is, sekarang ni je macam terhegeh-hegeh lah nak talk you. tapi time was never right for us. so ended up aku camni la. layan perasaan.

so, aku bukan nak cari pasal + tak bersyukur.

I'm just protecting my heart.

#np Move Along - AAR

Move along je lah. Like I know I'll do.

aku.muzik.kamu

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I still remember the times Khadeejah played Maher Zain's Allahi Allah Kiya Karo and I thought to myself (and may or may not say it out loud) "Apasal la pasang lagu hindustan ni?"

And then I heard "Insha Allah". I was like, mehhh, it's okay. He has good voice.

The thing is I've always into music and I loved Paramore -- for they are the only band that has decent music and lyrics without sex/booze/drugs in it. Some of their songs have meaningful lyrics. Anyhow, point is, I loved music. I had like 16 GBs of songs. Mostly rock genre because I despise RnB due to their lyrics that is just so eww.

Until one day I had a change of heart. That very day He opened the doors for me.

When I listened to "Insha Allah" after that day, my heart was moved. I mean, it's not like I'm listening it for the first time but it was truly a moment for me. His lyrics was just amazing and I love the song ever since. and maybe had a crush on the guy. Haha! Jahiliyah moment there. I was reminded to love the lyrics, not the singer. I was like, okay, blessed this guy for having a beautiful talent, given from above. -- LOL

Then came the time when his fame shoots up. Got famous all over asia and what-not. I dislike things that most people like. So I didn't like it as much as I did.

The point I'm writing this is just that I miss that feeling I had when I listened to the song. It feels so awesome. And now I'm miles away from that very feeling. I've missed the times I felt confident with every thing I did, that I did because of Him. Nowadays is just blerghhhh.

The attack of Mr. Futur. :(

I just don't know how I ended up like this. Okay I think I know how.

They say the non-beneficial stories, dramas, music darkens your heart bits by bits. You won't feel it darkens but when you've gone to far, you realised you've changed. :(

I feel like shutting down all those unnecessary entertainments. I have this habit of watching HIMYM but I think I'm getting bored of it so it's good. But I still burst words into songs. Because I've always have them in my head. Remember those time I used to sing along to anything? Yes, that. -______-"

So many jahiliyah things I've never removed. And how do I expect myself to move forward?

It's like going uphill, it's already freaking difficult, for unhealthy-because-never-exercise-me and I'm holding a huge baggage. A baggage full of my jahiliyah stuff. Now tell me how I'm gonna reach the top of Kinabalu Mountain weh? Difficult liao!

[Note : Jahiliyyah stuff : things I'd like to refer that are not beneficial and wasting time. It's not really meant jahiliyyah but I just love to call it that. Ha.]

So. Let's leave the baggage behind, Syahaneez. Never run back and open it. Throw it away in the ocean, let it be lost and never be found.

*INHALE*

I need my heart to be purified again.

Dear Qalb of mine, please be good and love the only one that deserve to be loved. Oh, you know who!