Unspoken

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
I tried to sleep early but I couldnt. Then I looked at my phone, realised my mother was online. She was sending me some pictures. I asked if she was busy, because I wanted to give her a call. I didn't realised I missed her until I heard her voice.

"This is the voice I've been listening to when I grew up. This voice may not be heard one day." I thought to myself. My head screamed "I miss you, ma" but I didn't utter it at all. We spoke briefly and ended the conversation.

Phone your parents while they're still around. You might never know when will be the last moment you'd talk to them.
P/s : missing ayah too. 

into the oven

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
After a long hiatus, i make amends  with my oven and starts baking again -- upon requests by friends. If not, i wouldn't

I secretly enjoy baking, but the fear of charging too much or having the cake taste awful always linger! I apologized to all my friends who have had my cake and didn't meet your expectations. Hence why I'm scared to mark up the prices, even when the ingredients are expensive nowaways. 😞

Well, I tried. No, I'm trying. I don't see myself as a good baker but I'm happy when they enjoyed my cakes. Like there's a glimpse of hope for me to be a good baker. Afterall, practice makes perfect. Once I get the hang of it, it will be all good.

I was happy when someone appreciate my work even when it's not even at par of good bakers.

Thank you for supporting. ♥️

Check out more cakes here.

Now if I have the urge to study as much as bake, that would be nice. 

Extroverted Introvert

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
Many would not believe me when I said I'm an introvert.

I am! I just learn to be an extrovert at times because in life, you kinda have to go out eventually and be social.

The thing is, I do love my "me" time alone, but at times I love having someone around as well. Sometimes I'll avoid having conversations with people (read : keep quiet) and at times I'll talk non-stop till my throat sore.

I do get anxious answering questions in classes, meeting unexpected people, asking strangers something (even for help, tbh) BUT ; I'm learning to control this anxiety, so that I didn't look so anxious and try to move pass it at one point. I may look confident and alright but deep down, bro, I struggle with myself.

Especially being in this field - be it dnt or medical - I need not this anxiety to be clinged with me. I gotta overcome this. insyaAllah one fine day. 

Reminder

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

When you lost something, Allah will replace it with something else

- Ukhti N


Somehow that lingers in my head for quite some time. Few months back I was tested; my health was deteriorating. It was so bad till there was a point I couldn't do anything but cry. After going back home and gotten under the knife, I truly realise that I would never be in one piece like I was before.

You are different now. Your body isn't the same as before.

when Dr. A said that, I wailed up mentally but tried to keep my face calm.

Don't worry. You can still go back to your life. There are people who had it worse than you - Dr. A continued

Today when ukhti N gave us a tazkirah, and said those words, I think I can move forward slowly without feeling so down about my health.

I cannot say that I've finally moved on and look forward to whatever I can do now; but I am trying my best to take care of my health. I am trying to eat well, exercise regularly and yada yada.

It's okay, dear self. Allah is replacing it with something better. With one condition, I must try to strive for the best. Be it in keeping myself healthy, be it in study or be in dnt. Of course, without good health, you can't continue to study  and do anything well, right?

💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

nonsense whatsoever.

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
I've been juggling with my emotions lately.
I'm trapped in the middle of something uncertain, and I feel confused.
I fear that day by day my heart sink and never able to surface once more.

I really feel lost without tarbiyyah. I haven't got some proper usrah lately, so I'm depending on the tarbiyyah dzatiyah itself, which has MANY ups and downs. Like, probably many downs. I know usrah isn't the only source of tarbiyyah, but I just feel so empty without them. I missed my support systems, and to tell you the truth, at times I feel so alone.

I convinced myself whenever I feel alone, it's time to turn to Allah and trust Him completely without depending on anyone. Unfortunately, not every day I was able to convinced myself. There are days I'd stare at the ceiling of my double decker bed and just cry myself to sleep. This feels hard, this feels so difficult to swallow alone. I have no one to completely talk about this rationally. The burden seems so heavy and it just kills me slowly.

No, I do not want to stop my tarbiyyah just because I feel so alone. I promise myself not to ever step out of this, even though life could be so much easier and less complicated without it. I need to be able to clear myself out, so I can decide what to do, and how to solve the problems.

sigh.