The other day I was in my friend's house. I was wondering when is our therapy exam because the date was uncertain. I did ask a friend and my groupmate to ask for me about it. So I waited and waited because I need to know for sure; if there will be exam on the next day, I'd need to go to dekanat and take a permission.
So happens my friend forgot to ask about it. She was occupied; and I told her it was okay. I was secretly anxious. Later, I texted my my groupmate, he didn't reply. 10 minutes later, I called him; he didn't pick up.
I felt this sudden of overwhelm feeling.
Then came the worse thoughts.
Tears dropped.
I know. That was so uncalled for.
That moment itself, I was hoping they couldn't notice that I was crying.
Okay. I need to calm myself down. I wanted to search for some soothing music but then I remembered, the best remedy is the al-Quran.
I read few pages. I came across a few verses that made me in tears even more.
Why must I felt so negative about this if i know for sure Allah owns everything? I must've forgotten the tawakal concept and forgotten to rely on Him the most.
I stopped reading, lie down and tried to calm myself down. I honestly felt like some kind of loser. Why did ever think of such provocative thoughts before? Allahu..
Lied down, still in tears.
Still overwhelmed, just on different side.
I inhaled, exhaled, istighfar. Did myself some introspection.
Alhamdulillah. I felt better. Much better. As if my burden was lifted. The power of inner peace. ♥️
I glanced at my phone;
"Kak, sorry I was asleep. Still no news about the exam."
And later that day;
"Next week will be the exam. Let's sit together."
See? Allah was just testing me with a little issue and I failed to overcome on first strike. While all along, He has planned for my exams next week without any of us knowing. (Means more time to study! More chances for me to put my effort)
God, I don't know where all these feelings that came flew in suddenly. I felt too many things at once. Such a woman to feel 1001 at the same time. 😅
So happens my friend forgot to ask about it. She was occupied; and I told her it was okay. I was secretly anxious. Later, I texted my my groupmate, he didn't reply. 10 minutes later, I called him; he didn't pick up.
I felt this sudden of overwhelm feeling.
Why didn't I ask the teacher myself? Was I that lazy? (Kinda) Why must I rely on someone to do something I could do my own? Why?
Then came the worse thoughts.
Why would I cross an ocean for someone I barely knew but I couldn't rely on someone else for myself? Why must I rely on someone when I can do it on my own..
Tears dropped.
I know. That was so uncalled for.
That moment itself, I was hoping they couldn't notice that I was crying.
Okay. I need to calm myself down. I wanted to search for some soothing music but then I remembered, the best remedy is the al-Quran.
I read few pages. I came across a few verses that made me in tears even more.
Why must I felt so negative about this if i know for sure Allah owns everything? I must've forgotten the tawakal concept and forgotten to rely on Him the most.
I stopped reading, lie down and tried to calm myself down. I honestly felt like some kind of loser. Why did ever think of such provocative thoughts before? Allahu..
Lied down, still in tears.
Still overwhelmed, just on different side.
I inhaled, exhaled, istighfar. Did myself some introspection.
Alhamdulillah. I felt better. Much better. As if my burden was lifted. The power of inner peace. ♥️
I glanced at my phone;
"Kak, sorry I was asleep. Still no news about the exam."
And later that day;
"Next week will be the exam. Let's sit together."
See? Allah was just testing me with a little issue and I failed to overcome on first strike. While all along, He has planned for my exams next week without any of us knowing. (Means more time to study! More chances for me to put my effort)
God, I don't know where all these feelings that came flew in suddenly. I felt too many things at once. Such a woman to feel 1001 at the same time. 😅
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