as the days passed by I felt more and more the need of me waking up from this dream. once, long before this day, I've dreamt of waking my friends up from the fire that's burning down the building while they were in deep sleep.
and today, I think I have fallen asleep just like them. yes, the fire is still going on.
am I becoming far worse than I have before? honestly, I'd say yes. but by realising this I could have done something to overcome this matter.
and I have done nothing.
it's such a shame that I have disappoint the people around me and most importantly my Creator by being this way. have I not sin enough to erupt His anger?
worse when I feel I had no support on this matter cos no matter how hard I tried to explain my situation I'd end up saying -- I don't know. I don't feel like opening up this matter to anyone unfortunately. and then they say it's a sign for me to depend on Him 100%. trust me, easier said than done, in my case. I've been letting my heart gone dark and now it has a problem accepting things; not like the days before.
I truly believe whatever He sent to me, no matter how hard it is, I am capable of overcoming it. sadly I feel disappointed cos most of the times, it is myself who's letting myself down.
it's hard to fight your ownself. it's a fighting battle all the time. you win some, you lose some. hence, the importance of having someone to support you whenever you're down.
then the mind starts to wander, on who I wanted to talk with so I'd feel better. cut. it. out.
but then again, when you're down, it's vital to get up as soon as you can so you won't stay in the darkness for so long.
as of today, I try, and insyaAllah I will keep on trying to keep my heads up. no one's gonna save you but yourself, they said. and only I can change things, for He has spoken that "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." (13:11)
right?
du'a for me, please.
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