reminiscing

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
istighfar banyak-banyak sikit.
gelak dah banyak sangat tu.
gelak sakan, duduk menghadap Facebook macam apa je.
dah terlalu entertaining dah orang-orang kat sana.
taip suka-suka hati. cakap tak fikir. fakta ntah ke mana. dunia oh dunia.
tapi teruk gila kot, sebab duk gelakkan diorang.
jadi -- istighfar.

*senyum*

terjumpa cebisan nota bertarikh 2009 dulu.
waktu mula-mula datang sini.
serius, tak pernah bayangkan aku berada pada tahun 2013 dengan keadaan macam ni.
banyak; sangat banyak nikmat Tuhanku berikan.
hadiah tarbiyyah dariNya buat aku di bumi soviet.
belajar untuk merangkak dan bertatih semula.
sehinggakan orang-orang yang aku berkawan dulu waktu mula-mula datang sini dan kawan-kawan aku sekarang -- bagaikan langit dan bumi bezanya.
sebab aku dah merasai kemanisan berkawan keranaNya --
bukan kerana kami sukakan muzik yang sama
bukan kerana kami sekelas
bukan kerana dunialah senang cerita
tapi kemanisan berkawan kerana sama-sama cuba mencari redhaNya
tak ramai -- serius tak ramai kat sini yang faham tu.
salah; tak ramai kat dunia ni yang faham tu.

tapi biasalah, bila down, mula lah diri buat apa benda ntah
sampai bila dah waras semula, fikir balik dan berkata
"apa bodoh ke aku ni buat benda macam tu? *gelak*"

tarik nafas -- tahan -- hembus!

jangan dambakan pada benda yang tak manfaatkan iman. walaupun keinginan tu membuak-buak.
kena ingat tu, wahai diri.
nanti menyesal.

Islam kaffah

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
another post. err.
suddenly so eager to write so much.
I think I'm back to channeling my thoughts here.
and I miss so much writing something in a proper English; yes, I know this isn't a proper one. trust me, my grammars are all topsy-turvy. truly I do miss writing in English. :')

but then again, I sometimes write in Malay for a better impact. if I were to stressed something out, I'd write it in Malay.

--

my fingers are itchy again. I found myself stumbling upon old posts on Facebook, and now the past is running through my head. it got me thinking, have I changed for better? did I turn to a better Muslimah & better 'abid? or am I just being stagnant? or worse, have I went to the dark side?

*tears*

I know I've been better.
life's a struggle to keep myself together, to be His best 'abid that I could be-- even when I know my efforts are not even up to 50%.

*pause*

I know these thoughts will get me no where, but static, stagnant or maybe worse. I know, I believe, I need to do something to make myself a better Muslimah.

A practicing Muslimah. by day and night as a Muslimah. not only during usrah, daurah, halaqah, solah, saum, eid and etc. All the time. 24/7!

Think like a Muslim, act like a Muslim. Be a true Muslim!

It's so scary. We did tafsir on surah al-Qalam and one of the points in the tafsir said, haq (truth) and batil (dishonesty/lies) will never meet. Islam is pure, it will never mix with anything else and let it be called Islam. any impurity that is mixed with Islam is not Islam!

O Believers! Enter into Islam as a kaffah (whole) and never follow the footsteps of the satan (devil).

I don't want to be a half Muslim and half God-knows-what.. :(

ya Allah..

seriously, struggling with yourself is the hardest battle.

anyone could give tips or anything on fighting with your own nafs? do share!

wake up call.

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
it's been a while since I've read something out loud and those words make me shaken, some palpitation (our medical term when the heart's beating fast) pretty afraid but still hoping for some mercy -- all at once.
















that's the power of Quran when we read with our opened hearts, mind and soul; biiznillah.


subhanallah.
walhamdulillah.
wala ilaha illallah.
allahu akbar.


how I've miss this 'feeling' so much...

resolution.

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
after a few days being the way I was, I have finally came up with a resolution.
although, I felt a little dumb for mentioning it later because the answer was so obvious.

too obvious.

what is it?
-- just submit yourself to Him and by submit, it's not only by our body but by mind & heart as well.

the 3 main components of a human being :
- heart / qalb
- mind / aqal
- body / jasad

*ingat balik daurah hakikat manusia keh* hehe

because in this world, no matter how close you are with your family and friends;

• He is indeed closer than all of them. 50:16
• never going to burden us with something we can't handle. 2:286
• never break His promises. 3:194
• He is the one is going to bring us peace at heart. 13:28
• He always listens (As-sami') even though He knows what's in our hearts (67:13)
• He is all-loving (al-wadood), the most merciful (ar-rahman),  the most beneficent (ar-rahim)

what more can I possibly need when I have Him?

*smile*

--theoretically I've got it. but nevertheless, I'd still need your du'as. jazakumullahu khair <3 p="">
may Allah ease!

how?

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
as the days passed by I felt more and more the need of me waking up from this dream. once, long before this day, I've dreamt of waking my friends up from the fire that's burning down the building while they were in deep sleep.

and today, I think I have fallen asleep just like them. yes, the fire is still going on.

am I becoming far worse than I have before? honestly, I'd say yes. but by realising this I could have done something to overcome this matter.

and I have done nothing.

it's such a shame that I have disappoint the people around me and most importantly my Creator by being this way. have I not sin enough to erupt His anger?

worse when I feel I had no support on this matter cos no matter how hard I tried to explain my situation I'd end up saying -- I don't know. I don't feel like opening up this matter to anyone unfortunately. and then they say it's a sign for me to depend on Him 100%. trust me, easier said than done, in my case. I've been letting my heart gone dark and now it has a problem accepting things; not like the days before.

I truly believe whatever He sent to me, no matter how hard it is, I am capable of overcoming it. sadly I feel disappointed cos most of the times, it is myself who's letting myself down.

it's hard to fight your ownself. it's a fighting battle all the time. you win some, you lose some. hence, the importance of having someone to support you whenever you're down.

then the mind starts to wander, on who I wanted to talk with so I'd feel better. cut. it. out.

but then again, when you're down, it's vital to get up as soon as you can so you won't stay in the darkness for so long.

as of today, I try, and insyaAllah I will keep on trying to keep my heads up. no one's gonna save you but yourself, they said. and only I can change things, for He has spoken that "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." (13:11) 

right?

du'a for me, please.