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move along

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

time bagi nasihat, kata-kata semangat kat orang aku memang yakin. yakin gila la.
time kena kat batang hidung sendiri, kedu. terduduk, dengan mutiara kat pipi.

*layan perasaan mode*

okay. now I know for sure kenapa aku deactivate all my feelings. because I don't wanna be sad.

people always leave.

so why bother holding on?

I mean, I do hold on to some people (as in to be close with one) but once we're apart, I'm not gonna hold on like I did.

aku tak suka melayan perasaan.

I rather go on 3 months or even 5 occupied with my uni life, without talking to you rather than wanting to talk to you everyday / everyweek but I can't and then I'll be emoing like a little child.

faham tak?

faham tak?

I can go on months without talking to you. really. proven and done that.

thing is, sekarang ni je macam terhegeh-hegeh lah nak talk you. tapi time was never right for us. so ended up aku camni la. layan perasaan.

so, aku bukan nak cari pasal + tak bersyukur.

I'm just protecting my heart.

#np Move Along - AAR

Move along je lah. Like I know I'll do.

aku.muzik.kamu

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I still remember the times Khadeejah played Maher Zain's Allahi Allah Kiya Karo and I thought to myself (and may or may not say it out loud) "Apasal la pasang lagu hindustan ni?"

And then I heard "Insha Allah". I was like, mehhh, it's okay. He has good voice.

The thing is I've always into music and I loved Paramore -- for they are the only band that has decent music and lyrics without sex/booze/drugs in it. Some of their songs have meaningful lyrics. Anyhow, point is, I loved music. I had like 16 GBs of songs. Mostly rock genre because I despise RnB due to their lyrics that is just so eww.

Until one day I had a change of heart. That very day He opened the doors for me.

When I listened to "Insha Allah" after that day, my heart was moved. I mean, it's not like I'm listening it for the first time but it was truly a moment for me. His lyrics was just amazing and I love the song ever since. and maybe had a crush on the guy. Haha! Jahiliyah moment there. I was reminded to love the lyrics, not the singer. I was like, okay, blessed this guy for having a beautiful talent, given from above. -- LOL

Then came the time when his fame shoots up. Got famous all over asia and what-not. I dislike things that most people like. So I didn't like it as much as I did.

The point I'm writing this is just that I miss that feeling I had when I listened to the song. It feels so awesome. And now I'm miles away from that very feeling. I've missed the times I felt confident with every thing I did, that I did because of Him. Nowadays is just blerghhhh.

The attack of Mr. Futur. :(

I just don't know how I ended up like this. Okay I think I know how.

They say the non-beneficial stories, dramas, music darkens your heart bits by bits. You won't feel it darkens but when you've gone to far, you realised you've changed. :(

I feel like shutting down all those unnecessary entertainments. I have this habit of watching HIMYM but I think I'm getting bored of it so it's good. But I still burst words into songs. Because I've always have them in my head. Remember those time I used to sing along to anything? Yes, that. -______-"

So many jahiliyah things I've never removed. And how do I expect myself to move forward?

It's like going uphill, it's already freaking difficult, for unhealthy-because-never-exercise-me and I'm holding a huge baggage. A baggage full of my jahiliyah stuff. Now tell me how I'm gonna reach the top of Kinabalu Mountain weh? Difficult liao!

[Note : Jahiliyyah stuff : things I'd like to refer that are not beneficial and wasting time. It's not really meant jahiliyyah but I just love to call it that. Ha.]

So. Let's leave the baggage behind, Syahaneez. Never run back and open it. Throw it away in the ocean, let it be lost and never be found.

*INHALE*

I need my heart to be purified again.

Dear Qalb of mine, please be good and love the only one that deserve to be loved. Oh, you know who!


Day 12

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Sampai sekarang, aku tak boleh nak betulkan diri lagi.

Don't know what's up, but this is it.

Tadabur hari ni ; (22:78)

78. Dan berjihadlah kamu pada jalan Allah dengan jihad yang sebenar-benarnya. Dia telah memilih kamu dan Dia sekali-kali tidak menjadikan untuk kamu dalam agama suatu kesempitan. (Ikutilah) agama orang tuamu Ibrahim. Dia (Allah) telah menamai kamu sekalian orang-orang muslim dari dahulu, dan (begitu pula) dalam (Al Quran) ini, supaya Rasul itu menjadi saksi atas dirimu dan supaya kamu semua menjadi saksi atas segenap manusia, maka dirikanlah sembahyang, tunaikanlah zakat dan berpeganglah kamu pada tali Allah. Dia adalah Pelindungmu, maka Dialah sebaik-baik Pelindung dan sebaik- baik Penolong.

Masih lagi aku rasa sukar. Kalau betul aku amalkan apa yang patut, takkan terasa sikit pun kesukaran tu, kan?

Dan jihad, bukan hanya dengan pedang dan apa segala senjata yang ada.

Berjihad menegakkan kebenaran.

Berjihad melawan nafsu.

Jihadlah yang sebenar-benarnya. Insya Allah.



Ujian

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Tak pernah terlintas akanku diduga sebegini.

Tak kira apa masalahnya sekali pun, aku hanya terkedu, kerana aku sedikit pun tak dapat nak kuatkan diri.

Ujian yang datang, tak pernah aku nak salahkanNya, kerana sesungguhnya susunan Dia itu sangat lah teratur, terperinci, dan ada hikmah di sebaliknya, for He knows what's best for us.

It's just I'm so stressed out with myself. Benda dah nak jadi, tak boleh nak buat apa melainkan melaluinya dengan sabar dan tabah, kan? Masalahnya I can't, and I'm being a baby to stressed out things that actually not so tough. Nak difikirkan, masalahnya tak besar mana pun, cuma bagai jatuh ditimpa tangga lah, and masa tu macam tak berapa nak mengizinkan, tu je. ITU sahaja. Dan aku tak dapat buat apa-apa dengan betul. Messed up sangat.
"La yukali fullahu nafsan illah wus'aha."
Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya.
Banyak kali aku cuba ingatkan ni pada diri sendiri. Ada tu hari tu siapa ntah cakap, kalau apa-apa pun ujian kita dapat, betapa susah atau senang, tarik nafas dan ucaplah 'alhamdulillah'.

Tapi tu lah, stress dengan diri. Diuji sikit terus merengek macam budak kecik.

Aku tahu aku ada tanda-tanda yang nak detour dari jalanNya, aku sendiri dapat rasakan futur tu sangat kuat, dan bila diuji dalam keadaan futur, inilah jadinya. Rasa tak senang je.

Solution dia senang je actually. Back to Quran; Back to Allah. Kalau ada hope & faith dalam diri, apa pun jadi, kita takkan goyah.

So. Let's start.

Islam Oversea

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Allah ghayatuna, Ar Rasul qudwatuna, Al-Quran dusturuna, Al-Jihadu sabiluna.

I've been hearing this phrase a lot lately. I'm loving it. *cue in music by Saff-One*

Allergic~
I wonder why nowadays people, most of people that is, is so allergic with religious-related matter?

I'm talking mainly about Muslims. Why are you allergic to any Islamic matter?

If there's anyone start to post anything about Islam, you'd be uneasy and annoyed. Terasa orang yang post tu super poyo and nak menunjuk-nunjuk dia alim.

*alim bermaksud mengetahui.*

Islam ni dah jadi macam agama keturunan. Maksudnya, sebab mak bapak Islam, kita pun Islam. Siapa sebenarnya cakap Islam tu dapat diwarisi? Tak semestinya mak bapak Islam, kau automatically Islam. Kalau tak diajar, tak Islam lah kan? Kalau tak practice, tak berapa nak Islam lah kan?

Kenapa aku cakap macam ni? Sebab aku budak belajar di Russia, yang tak nampak Islam di mana-mana kecuali dengan Muslim foreigners. Aku belajar balik Islam dalam keadaan sangat terasing. Masjid takde, surau pun limited. Tempat solat kat university takde, toilet dia takde paip air, dengan 4 musim dia yang buat waktu solat berubah-ubah.

Sangat untung ok budak-budak kat Malaysia ni. Masjid berlambak, surau kat mana-mana ada. Tempat wuduk tersedia. Sudah dipermudahkan tapi berapa ramai yang betul-betul manfaatkan semua tu?

So, aku dapat merasakan ada golongan tak suka apa-apa yang aku post related to Islam. Aku poyo. Student medic tetiba nak cakap pasal Islam. Apa kes kan?


Islam Oversea
kenapa term ni diwujudkan? sebab kitorang balik Malaysia, kitorang practice Islam macam kitorang kat sana. contoh : solat tanpa telekung.

dah la solat tak pakai telekung!
boleh je solat tanpa telekung, as long aurat kita dah ditutup dengan betul.

habis tu tangan tu nampak?
aurat wanita perlu ditutup seluruh anggota badan, KECUALI muka dan tapak tangan. problem?

ish, dah ada telekung, pakai je lah. -_-"
kalau dah tutup aurat, tak pakai pun takpe, ikut keselesaan individu.

ni la kot Islam oversea. ishish. nasib baik aku belajar kat mesia ni ha.
....

ada ustaz pernah cakap, kalau la dah bertepatan dengan syarak, tak payah nak argue benda tu, sebab dia SAH. remember :

do not argue on things that will not benefit you.

kadang-kadang kat surau / masjid boleh je aku pakai telekung tapi aku suka lagi solat pakai macam tu je (that is without telekung) 1) dah biasa. 2) saja, nak bagi orang tau yang actually tak salah pun. see whether ada orang nak cakap anything. haha.

aku tak kisah kalau orang tegur aku buat salah. lagi suka kalau dia tegur bukan dalam keadaan marah/menengking. ye la, siapa suka orang tegur marah2 kan? apa hal?!

so, there's no such thing as Islam oversea. ada sesetengah benda dipermudahkan bila di sana la, seperti jamak solat kalau tak sempat catch waktu time kelas. ye la. time winter kan waktu solat pendek2. tak sempat nak zuhur, tiba-tiba dah asar. jamak je la. TAPI bukan bermaksud hari-hari boleh jamak. dah tau tak sempat, pandai2 lah simpan wuduk, supaya save masa, habis kelas terus lari cari spot and solat.
Islam tu mudah, bukan untuk dipermudahkan.


Bodoh sombong
pernah dengar kan simpulan bahasa ni? unfortunately this type of people do exist. kalau kita tengok orang tu buat something yang kita rasa salah, cakap elok2 je, tak payah nak bagi muka "hek-eleh" dan cakap belakang. kurang sikit risiko untuk memalukan diri sebab kita tak semestinya betul at all times. kalau pun kita berilmu, mungkin ilmu tu tak cukup, kita tak tahu lebih lanjut so tak payah nak act so snobbish to others.
be modest.
ni tak, ilmu pun tak berapa nak cukup, yakin teramat, sampaikan gaduh mulut.

isu pegang anjing.
ye, anjing tu najis berat, tapi boleh disamak. 6 air campur tanah, 1 air mutlak. (ikut mazhab syafi'e)

yeay boleh guna sabun taharah~
ada fatwa cakap penggunaan sabun ni tak valid, sebab kandungan tanah liat dalam dia sikit. my opinion? kalau duduk kat msia banyak tanah, tak payah lah guna sabun ni, untuk budak duduk oversea insyaAllah okay, kalau tempat tu susah nak cari tanah.

seorang perempuan nampak puppy comel, and usap2 puppy tu.
eh, boleh sentuh pulak?

kan kalau bulu dia kering, tangan kita kering, boleh sentuh..
aku tahu, tak payah samak. yang kau duduk pegang dia tu in the first place, apa hal?

memang tak salah, tapi kalau boleh, elakkan lah. kenapa kita nak buat sesuatu yang might lead us to something that God doesn't like?

fikir-fikirkanlah.

style Doa
ni tak related sangat, tapi, I've read a post saying that, sekarang ni trend untuk berdoa kat facebook, twitter. certain doa memang boleh lah jugak nak share, contohnya doakan saudara di palestin ke. tapi sesetengah doa memang tak relevant. nak orang aminkan, tapi kalau kita sendiri tak mintak kat Allah, macamana Allah nak bagi. serupa nak duit dari mak ayah tapi post kat facebook/twitter. hoping they'd read the memo.

aku rasa kalau sesuatu doa tu kita selalu mintak kat Allah, kita tak perlu orang untuk aminkan doa kita kat facebook or twitter.

wallahu'alam.