Contemplating

I so want to pass this exam on the first try because it will be pain in the butt if I don't do so. I have been saying this since october/november itself. But now I'm just not able to put myself together for this exam. The previous 2 exam I dragged so badly and alhamdulillah I made it through. This one, I don't know how I'm going to make it. Everything is just scattered and I can actually feel I'm going kinda insane. I don't know what to do, I don't want to talk about it to anyone because it feels like I'm ranting the same thing again and again and people can't relate or they're just sick of hearing the same thing. I keep letting down myself again and again, knowing that it's doing no good but I can't help it. I wanna cry but I can't cry anymore. I was crying watching some dramedy show and when I rewatch it the next day I've no feelings anymore. I think my heart has darkened. I'm trying to fix myself. I am. and I will.

Remember how we used to like ourselves?What little light that's left, we need to keep it sacredI know that you're afraid to let all the dark escape yaBut we could let the light illuminate these hopeless places

idle