qowiyy!

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
feels I'm obliged to jot down a post, even though it truly has been ages since I last posted something. to be honest, I was quite surprised with my birthday gift to myself. haha. (note that, I scheduled that post in August for November 8th, so yeah)

I think it was really funny yet serious - funny because I actually used the term "ana" instead of "aku" but I understand, I was in the mood of that. but seriously though, I do not use the term with them here.

I've missed blogging.

I've missed it so bad, I actually write a long paragraph on my instagram posts with irrelevant photos.

I've missed having Ayah, Kakak commenting on my posts. yes, my friends too. it's just not the blogspot era anymore. people now digs something else I supposed. *roll eyes*

I've been through a lot, that I couldn't crammed every single thing in my memory space. but reading through the posts make me realised that I've been through a lot. I should be qowiyy (read : strong), right?

I'm in a midst of falling out of the line -- just because I am bored or keeping it all-together because that's the right thing to do.

to stay strong all the time,
I don't know how long I could keep this up.

I always feel that I want someone to complaint to, to tells my frustrations to, but no one could bear my frustrations well except for ayah. (k, gonna cry now) but he's not here now and I'm just stuck between my own self conscience and rebellious self. That's part of growing up, I supposed.

yes, it can be compensated. to tell your worries only to Him.
to hold on to Him and only Him.
to love Him entirely with your heart and soul.

I'm trying.
and I pray for steadfastness and lots of sabr.

cos I can feel that my heart out -- palpitation, and feels like about to blow up.