Today after work we spoke as usual, talked about random stuff. When it gets a little bit personal, I can feel like I was going to have a breakdown.
True enough, I teared in the car.
I looked away. I don't wanna cry in front on him. It's just too awkward and weird. Oh my God, I felt the journey to LRT feels forever. At times like this lah the traffic light turns red. Adoii.
We both kept silence. It was a deafening silence. He turned on the radio to ease the awkwardness.
"Sya jenis pendam eh?"
I kept quiet.
"Takpe lah, nangis je kalau nak"
"Sorry," suara bergegar, antara dengar atau tidak. My tears fell even faster.
When we finally arrived;
"Thank you," I said, looking away.
"Take care."
I can't even look at him when I got down to say thanks. I feel so heavy in my chest. I feel like all the words are churning inside of me, not able to escape my mouth. It's slowly eating me alive.
It's been couple of times these 'meltdown' happened and usually either I was alone or I'm in the LRT or in the Grab. Never in front of someone I know.
Honestly, it's hard. It's hard to put into words with what I'm feeling. It's hard to stay positive when I'm all about negative. It's hard because I honestly feel I have no one to talk to; or at least no one I want to talk to.
Whatever it is, I hope this will pass.
Every storm shall pass..