after a long hiatus, here I am again.
I think my interest to blogging started to fade and now it became like this.
I never knew I'd stand on this very day, thinking about this very matter.
I never expect myself to be like this, and yet this is the path I have chosen.
I never knew I'd change so much; as day by day the change does not even prominent. but as I look back, I see the difference.
"people change, it's just the matter of for better or for worse."
and in my case, it may be for worse. (because I think I have been better)
sigh.
BUT, this is not something that I regret. although there are some points in life that made me wished that I could turn back time and change them, God has written my life journey as it is for a reason. for me to become the way I'm suppose to be. He sends trouble for me to solve and it's up to me to crumble upon and cries or to stand up and get through it with courage.
the challenge to grab the chance to enter Jannah is never easy. because Jannah is too awesome for a small challenge. Jannah is for awesome people. and for that, you have to become awesome and that isn't easy. awesome in who's context here we're talking about? in human's eyes? or in God's view? something uncool can be cool if He approves it. *I swear!* and vice versa; something cool can be super uncool if He dislikes it.
I've said things I wouldn't do and here I am, doing it anyway. Allah. see how easy my heart turns away from my own words?
point is, you'll never know what you'll do unless you went through the situation yourself. I've said I wouldn't want to do this because I've never tested in that way; and now when I do, I tell you, it's hard to let it go. I blame myself for being weak. but yeah.
this reminds me of a sahabat that never gave advices on something unless he has experience on it.
well. may Allah grant us courage to get through any kind of difficulties we're having.
it scares me that it scares you but let's face it, we're terrified of all the what IFs that we talked about.
but hey, if He wills, so be it. and for now, let's cool down and see what's going to happen.
PS : I'm worried. but you'll be fine.