Placebo

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
Currently in the midst of confusion, whereby I feel so frustrated and disappointed with the system here and myself for actually not being a genius.
But.
I felt loads better after talking to abang. Although i didn't address what was the reason i was upset about, we just talked about our usual discussion and that really calms me. He didn't even have to try i guess. Is this a placebo effect of love? Acewah. Suddenly I'm clear of what I'm supposed to do now. Well actually I've known it all along, I just need someone to remind me to. And I hope I'd be that someone for him too. 🌹

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In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.
It so happens that the moment you wanted to focus on things in life that are matters to you; you start to have doubts. Is this the life for me? Is this the journey for me? That was-was was aweful.
Then came along the times that you started to dreamt of those who had left the dunya. Everyday. And it just tempered with your conditions slightly worse.
I'm missing the whole point here. What am I doing with my life, seriously?
Am I living my life for dunya or for akhirah?

Say No to Procrastination!

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

"If you're in the evening, don't think you're gonna see the morning. If you're in the morning, don't think you're gonna see the evening. Make the best of your health, before you're sick. Make the best of your life, before you die." - translation of 40th hadith from Imam Nawawi.

Let's be firm about this, say no to procrastination. It literally put you in bad situation later. I haven't got the chance to beat this procrastination yet but I am trying to and determine to kick it out from my life. I already have tonnes of work piled up on my desk and it's going nowhere. Frankly speaking, writing out this post does not really help either but I have really missed writing and you might realised how bad is my grammar now. *sigh* I haven't logged on in here for a really long time; and commenting in kak Aisyah's page really triggered me. I hope and wish all the best to kak Aisyah in her conquest of building awesome murabbi out there. It is true; there are so many people who wanted to join usrah/halaqah but there are not many who are able and want to become a murabbi. It's like a booster for me; to prepare myself here to become a murabbi when I will go back for good. In the mean time, I gotta deal with the things that will get me through this university in order to graduate. Allahu yusahhil! As for writing, I will write more and more when I have the chance. And I do hope I'd get the chance to actually share good things with others, insyaAllah.

Ayahku (Part VI)

"Aku rasa dia macam tahu dia akan pergi," said abang, looking towards me. 

"Dia prepare banyak benda before dia pergi. Macam rumah kat Bukit Bayu tu dia siapkan piping pokok kat luar semua tu. Kau taukan style ayah buat kerja biasanya. (Ayah takes time to do stuff)," abang continued. 

Ayah also prepared lots of stuff for mama before he left. Banyak pesanan-pesanan dia. 

"I miss my McGyver," said abang. 

Yeah. Come to think of it memang ayahlah McGyver kami. 

Ayahku (Part V)

That night, he was sent to HKL and the doctors tried to revived him. Standard protocols. 

"Doctor, stop. Tak perlu.." Mama held one of the doctors arm. 

She nodded. 

And filing report with the police was a breeze. All those business was settled then and then. As mama walked out of the room, the corridor was packed with humans. They were all her friends that came to support her. 

***

Abang came over and showered ayah's cold body. Even the pak cik there admitted "senang nak mandikan dia. Semua senang nak uruskan. Bersih." 

The next morning, ayah was brought to Masjid Subang Jaya and prayers was held. Bunch of crowd came to pray for ayah. Abang lead the prayer. And to abang, he has done his part as the rightful son. And I'm sure ayah is so proud of him. 

When mama wanted to give some donations to the imam at the mosque as a token of appreciation, he refused and shook his head,

"Takpa takpa. Tak perlu. Selama saya jadi imam di sini, tak pernah saya nampak ramai datang solat jenazah macam ni." he said sincerely.