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Aku tak tau macamana nak luahkan perasaan ni.

ceyy ayat, bajet habis.

tapi seriously, this is madness. i need to get this out my chest.

I seriously hate the tv shows in Malaysia. Especially those on Astro Channels.

THERE. I've said it.

Why?

Because it is full of sampah sarap yang busuk menusuk hidung.

First of all, KILAUAN EMAS. whadhupp with that? Ala-ala AF tapi untuk orang tua-tua? (mengikut pemahaman sendiri about the show) sebab aku tak nak tengok show tu, geli, malu dan bermacam-macam perasaan ada.

Ingatkan bila dah makin berumur, makin ada usaha nak dekat denganNya. I'm not saying that we as teenagers need to wait till we're like 50 to actually seek for God but, USUALLY, when we're aging we tend to look for Him because we're tired of the world. Ini tak, macam dah world end aku rasa. Seram ok. It's like they're trying to make their old dreams come true. Yea lah, AF tu untuk budak2 muda.

Okay?

Whatever shows berkaitan with dancing. Dari dulu yang sehati berdansa tu aku dah rasa tak sedap dah. Mari Menari ke. Showdown ke. Whadhupp la? SEMUANYA nak tiru orang barat. Silap-silap hari bulan kau tiru show "16 & Pregnant" tu. Naa kan, macam tak tau kat Malaysia ni banyak kes buang bayi. Jangan nanti ada yang tampil ke hadapan dan bagi solution ni :
Bagi mengelakkan kes pembuangan bayi makin berleluasa, kita buat realiti tv yang bertajuk '16 dan mengandung' supaya mereka ni ada sense utk tanggungjawab kat baby tu

MALAYSIAN, Y U NO THINK?

Betul kata-kata seseorang tu (aku tak ingat siapa) yang kata kita sebenarnya tak merdeka pun. Sebab fikiran dan mentality kita serupa dengan orang barat.

Arak? cool.

Pre-marital sex? cool.

Sexy? cool.

Drugs? cool.

Clubbing? cool.

Who says these things are super cool? It's all up to you man. If you think these things are cool, then 'cool' it will be. Kalau kau bukak minda sikit, kau akan fikir, apa kejadahnya benda ni buat kat body aku? Arak and drugs rosakkan minda and judgment, pre-marital sex & being sexy buat aku macam murahan, clubbing yang kononnya nak release tension tu seronok sementara je.

If you are doing these things to get away your problem, let me tell you a fact, you can never run away from your problem. Makin lari darinya, makin dikejar. Problems won't go away if you don't sit down and settle them. Kalau judgement samar-samar camana nak settle betul2?

ok, aku dah detour habis jauh dah.

back to tv shows.

tv shows plays important role in one's life sbb semua benda kat tv 'cool'. tengok laki caring sikit dgn awek, terus si perempuan nak laki camtu. boo. (contoh je lah) then, tv kalau dah tunjuk benda2 sampah, menjadi sampah la masyarakat tu KALAU dia tidak berpikir.

again, MALAYSIAN, Y U NO THINK?

judgement kita lemah, tak boleh nak beza mana satu ok dan tak ok. even kita tau, kita tak follow, sbb kita lemah.

aku kalau ada anak aku tak nak anak aku tengok tv. huhu. nanti rosak. anak-anak kecik asyik ikut tagline celebrity AF. wow so cool. so comel. SO ROSAK.

ape anak kau dpt if dia ikut2 AF, nak jadi celebrity, jadi artis.

ada satu show kat mtv tu dia train anak dia dari kecik utk jadi celebrity. ohmy. americans. desperate nak anak dia famous. pastu dia famous then what? oh im sorry, we are talking about getting gazzilions of money cos of being famous.

yeah 'who says money cant buy happiness?'

sure. it can, but bukan eternal happiness. keseronokan yang sekejap, pastu duit habis, happiness pun habis. kalau we find a deeper meaning about life, that's like the ultimate happiness.

ok. detour teruk dah.

done for the day.

post-reading

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

All I can say after reading my old entries, I had seriously anger management problems and I was one of heck emo kid. Seriously emo. Like, I-hate-my-life, I-hate-my-parents, blablabla. Aku pun tak tau apa jadi. Padahal entry paling lama pun 2008. 3 tahun tu. So many changes in 3 years.

and all those high school drama. makes me feel like uni life is rather boring, hahaha.

Alhamdulillah I have become a more decent person. I now proudly state, I LOVE my parents. and life is great. :)

and I'd like to share a link on a blogger, quite famous lah. He has good point this time. Hear him out.

I'm still laughing at myself. My old self, writing those meaningless entries. Adoii, nasib aku jadi insan baguih sikit. Kalau aku terpele'ot dan sungkur? Ya Allah, syukur, aku masih di sini.

top of the world

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Alhamdulillah, dapat jejak lagi di tanah airku.

I've been sitting around my home, doing nothing significant. I did write down my to do list. Most of them requires me to go out of the house and frankly, I don't feel like it. I like my home. It's too comfortable to go out. Despite the hot weather, (mind you, the sun directly shines through our huge window panes) I still love it. Plus, watching Ma and Ayah entertained by baby Melor. It's a bless. *tearing* They are so GOOD with kids! I mean, just look at them handling baby Melor and other kids of our relatives. It seems like they've done it so many times. Come to think of it, they had us 3 as their kids. So. Yeah. Baby Melor is 5kg now. That's pretty heavy for a 3 months old. Her cheeks are like pao. I'm gonna eat it soon. :)

I feel so glad that my parents are not 'bored' anymore since now Melor is around. I was so worried with them being alone, bored. Looking at each other and wander around the house. Lol. It's good that Melor's here. Abang and Kak Wani will come here more often. It's like we're holding their baby for hostage. *evil laugh* Nah, just kidding.

Back to the real world, it's eerie out there. I don't feel like going out at all. I don't know where to go. Bosan kot pi shopping mall. Pi makan = buang duit. Tengok wayang = buang duit. Pi main games = buang duit. Bowling = definitely no no. Absolutely buang duit. Nak buat apa lah pi mall? Bosan I tell you. Looking at Teri's album on Bukit Gasing, macam menarik. Dapat tengok alam. Hoih, I wanna go see the beach, the trees, the wonderful seas! Haa ni kurang buat duit. Hihi. Tapi buang duit minyak lah. Haha.

I think I'm gonna go stay with grandma soon. I think she'll love that.

Oh I feel like baking! But we have no oven! I feel like cooking to but I can't cook at home, well, actually I can but I don't like to cook for other people when I know they can cook better. Hehehe. Tadi masak nasi lemak jap sebab craving and didn't get the chance to eat since I came back. I said I wanted to cook only for me. Then Mama mcm, hinting. I'm like, yeah sure I can cook some extra but if it's not edible than it's not my problem. Hahah. Well. Aku bantai ja la. I'm the type that when I cook, I can eat my cooking. Really. I'm not picky. :D

Can't wait for CAMP! and I feel like going pre-departure. And Kak Wan's wedding. and Ramadhan! Indahnya nikmat. :)

Bee-tee-dubs, I did the I'm-so-emo-I-want-to-cut-my-own-hair.

The regrets are kicking in right about... NOW.

pasrah

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

it's done.

what's done is done.

I'm pretty much prepared for what I'll get tomorrow but I know I screwed up. I didn't study well.

no one to blame but myself.

why can't I learn my lesson? this is not the first time i've been through this.

WEAK.

-________-

tau dah nak exam tapi tak study betul2. memang carik pasal la. pastu nak emo, salahkan diri.

sesal kemudian memang langsung tak guna.

therapy.

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

just when i said one day i'll bake, it turned out to be today. but it was for khadeejah & adnin mostly, bcos they wanted it. and i was like, ok lah, got the ingredients from khadeejah that bebby left behind and its not that hard to bake butter cake. this time i made it 3 colors, red, orange, yellow. :) did little experiment by sprinkling those strawberry powders on top. haha. it was just a small amount of cake, i didn't get to give everyone. sorry.

i figured out that baking could be my therapy. i'd feel better after doing so, even when the cake turned out to be a disaster. i don't really eat them, i just kinda like baking them when i'm in the mood. and yeah, i'm in the mood -- i should be out studying but i don't feel like it. baking is a good therapy!

and made dinner super banyak. homemade pizza. it's gonna be our breakfast tmrw, sasa. haha. it's my therapy too. its fun lah. its a bonus if it tastes good.

the day before did a little clean up. a little. cos im super lazy. ha.

conclusion : cooking and cleaning are a good therapy! one should try it when one not in a mood!