a w a k e n

between you and me.

2011-12-21T05:46:00.000+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I sometimes ~~hate~~ dislike when someone said "You're more matured than you age".
Whaaat?
Tak faham macamana process maturation ini berlaku. [gelak sinis]
Adakah ianya seperti maturation of cell? [okay, lost]
I mean, tak faham macamana aku boleh jadi macam ni sedangkan aku anak bongsu.
Yes, the last of the last. I'm an adik. Aku manja. [menurut abangku dan kakakku ya] dan aku tak pernah duduk hostel / asrama. Tak pernah berjauhan dengan mama & ayah dan dikira duduk bawah ketiak mereka lama jugak la.

Macamana weh process tu berlaku? Kalau tau, boleh sikit share dengan orang. Supaya they act mature juga. Hahaha.

Bah, seriously. Kenapa juga mau begini kan? [err, sila hilangkan slang sabahan anda]

Takde la. Tak paham jugak kenapa aku boleh mature thinking ni sedangkan aku nak sangat act like a kiddo, care-free dan trouble maker tapi tak boleh! cis. Teori pertama aku adalah, aku berkawan dengan orang mature or bajet dia mature [tapi dia memang mature pun] *batukkeringbatukbatukCikDanaveebatukbatukkk* Naaa kan! Told ya.

Untuk umur macam aku, aku tak sepatutnya jadi macam mak orang. Membebel macam mama2 kata mereka. Haha.

Mature konon. ptuih. [ala-ala panglima pwtc]

Masalah sendiri tak pandai settle!

First of all;
Aku memang okay dengan orang, insyaAllah, asalkan orang okay je dengan aku. Sampaikan orang gelar aku hypocrite sebab aku boleh terima & berbincang dengan lain2 orang with lain2 pendapat. Aku jenis tak kisah jugak kau macamana dengan aku. Nak gelak ketawa, nak nangis, nak kongsi rahsia, nak ajak komplot buat surprise, sumpah aku tak kisah. Aku takde lah jenis yang buat semua orang rasa aku best friend dia, tapi aku just okay [baca : hanya okay, tak teruk, takdelah great] with everyone.

TAPI;
Aku jenis yang tak boleh sebenarnya dikongkong. In a sense that, do not cling on me 24/7 or else sumpah aku rimas. And that is why I never used DiGi! [gelak joke sendiri] Aku bukannya kejam or whatever tapi aku tak pernah cling to anyone sangat rapat sampai 24/7 melekat bersama. There's must be ME time. I need my human time. [ayat ala-ala Bella Swan; okay, Twilight readers je paham] Before this takde siapa pernah langgar etika ini until recently.

Bukan tak nak kawan, tapi berpada-pada. I know we used to be close tapi recently, after summer this year, it's not a mutual thing anymore. Okay, silap sendiri sebab dulu tak pernah cakap apa-apa dan aku sekarang pun tak cakap apa-apa, setakat lari je dari mereply message or whatever tapi truth to be told aku memang malas reply sms + whatsapp. Keyboard hp sekarang tak selesa dulu. Eh. cakap pasal apa tadi? Oh ye. Senang cakap : dulu lain, sekarang lain. Ada la beberapa masa yang aku try dan try to be okay with it tapi aku memang tak okay with it. Nak kata ada masalah macam takde. Tak tahu apa masalah dia? Mungkin masalah dia adalah aku sendiri. Jengjengjeng. Yeah sure, boleh kawan. Tapi tak macam dulu. I don't see we will ever be macam dulu.

Yang lagi sorang, entah. Sudah dikata jangan, tapi tu juga dibuat. Payah.

Ada certain masa aku tak merajuk / marah pun. Tapi buat-buat marah / merajuk. Sebab? Entah. Habit? It's actually main-main je tapi dah the person can't tell the difference. Biar je la.

Oh, I need to slow down my sarcasm. Orang tak paham + orang terasa + orang fikir aku jahat + aku hypocrite.

Hah. Dunia.

what does not kill me, can it really make me stronger?

2011-12-18T12:12:00.000+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

when we pray, we always ask God to lessen our burden, to ease our pain, to smooth any of our plans, etc.

me? I ask Him to make me stronger. the thing is, when we ask God to make us stronger, He didn't just make us stronger just like that. *chiiiing* << (failed magic sound) but no, no magic or whatsoever. He'd put us to test, so we can try to make ourselves stronger.

get it?

I've always wanna be stronger (read : tabah) because I was always and am always so weak and I couldn't pull myself through. even though most of the times I put on a brave face, I've always feel like running and screaming the top of my lungs out.

so, there it goes. I was tested to be stronger and I failed. badly. I brawled. disaster it was.

T.T

I can give advises to other on how to be stronger and I myself can't pull it through. even when my friend said I am strong, it's just I didn't realised it, I feel like, nah, if I'm strong enough I wouldn't be like this.

80% of the time I ran from my own problems, which are not really much of a big problems, really, but to me it was HUGE because I can't get over it. solution? back to God. it's a sign, it's His sign. if I feel like I have problems that as big as the world, I must've been missing in action in God's path. *shivers* what have I been doing?

few days back I was tempted to do something no-good and there I was, crumbled and did it anyway. not to humiliate myself or what-so-ever, my point here is, I was that weak! and now I feel like slapping myself for good. I can't seem to realise things any sooner, eh? annoyingnya kau, syahaneez! -_-"

now I hate myself for doing so more than ever.

that's it. just one solution, with many ways to do it. back to God. back to Quran.

ohmyrabb.

if only I would listen to myself when I give myself an advice. if only.

on a side note, happy birthday ayahku. we've always had that somewhat special connection that I can't never understand. may Allah bless and hope we'll be together in jannah. together with mama. ^^ I love you. I did bake something but I've always failed on the deco. it's choc cake btw. yes, yes, I owe you a cheese cake when I'm back. I know I'm always missing in action, never really call or whatsoever, but insyaAllah you and mama always in my prayer. *choked on tears* miss you both.

Ya Allah

2011-11-10T14:37:00.001+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Ya Allah jangan Kau coba aku
Melebihi batas mampu dan sanggupku

Ya Allah bila memang Kau coba
Aku percaya Kau sayang padaku

Ya Allah lindungilah diriku
Dari yang menjahati, menzhalimiku

Ya Allah Kaulah Maha Segala
Engkaulah pelindung hidup dan matiku

this. makes me tearing inside.

my wonderwoman.

2011-11-08T00:00:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Sudah aku 'buang' info tentangnya supaya tiada yang tahu.

Aku tutup 'dinding' supaya tiada yang berani menconteng dan mengucapkannya.

Aku tidak mahu tahu berapa tahun sudah aku bernafas dan ianya tidak setaraf imanku yang sedikit.

Aku tidak mahu diingatkan kegagalan aku, sedangkan si Fateh berjaya menakluki kota besar ketika usianya muda dariku.

Jangan diraikan aku. Dan siapalah aku tanpa wanita yang berjaya melahirkanku?

Mama. I still remember the tales you've told me. The very one you told about having me into this world. Do you still remember how did we came about that topic? I asked why didn't you take care of me when I was a baby? Why did grandma took me? And then you told me about your complications after giving birth to me. Don't even mention about the time they had to cut you (c-sec) because I couldn't go out through the 'door'. Silly me. :(

You were half-paralyzed. You couldn't eat properly at that time because you can't move your lips. You had to be hospitalized for a long time. You were told to be strong spiritually because your body were getting worse, or else you couldn't make it.

And with your super strong will, Ma, I was able to be around you for the past 20 years. Alhamdulillah, God is The Greatest. He has blessed me with a wonderwoman as my mother. MY mother. Words are not enough to express how grateful I am.

This is only the story about you giving birth to me, and not to mention all those countless seconds you've spent to raise me. Priceless.

Until this day I have never forgotten about this tale. Sadly, I was reminded of the times I hurt you by my misbehavior and there was a time where I have never failed to make you furious. I didn't know any better. I was naive, and sadly, being a typical teenager.

I love you, Mama. Although I had and still do have problems to utter it out loud, but yeah. I love you. Although I'm miles apart, I don't call and talk to you everyday like I did during Summer, my feelings stay the same. I miss you like so much but I gotta stand up, grow up, wipe those tears and start to be act like an adult to move on, right?

I hope I can be the daughter you always wanted me to be. I wanna be a wonderwoman like you too, one day, insyaAllah.

You never left in my do'a and I hope we'll be together in Jannah later. InsyaAllah.

And this goes wholeheartedly to my lady. My wonderwoman. My teacher. My counselor. My personal doctor. My mother.

move along

2011-10-30T14:25:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

time bagi nasihat, kata-kata semangat kat orang aku memang yakin. yakin gila la.

time kena kat batang hidung sendiri, kedu. terduduk, dengan mutiara kat pipi.

*layan perasaan mode*

okay. now I know for sure kenapa aku deactivate all my feelings. because I don't wanna be sad.

people always leave.

so why bother holding on?

I mean, I do hold on to some people (as in to be close with one) but once we're apart, I'm not gonna hold on like I did.

aku tak suka melayan perasaan.

I rather go on 3 months or even 5 occupied with my uni life, without talking to you rather than wanting to talk to you everyday / everyweek but I can't and then I'll be emoing like a little child.

faham tak?

I can go on months without talking to you. really. proven and done that.

thing is, sekarang ni je macam terhegeh-hegeh lah nak talk you. tapi time was never right for us. so ended up aku camni la. layan perasaan.

so, aku bukan nak cari pasal + tak bersyukur.

I'm just protecting my heart.

#np Move Along - AAR

Move along je lah. Like I know I'll do.

aku.muzik.kamu

2011-10-27T01:13:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I still remember the times Khadeejah played Maher Zain's Allahi Allah Kiya Karo and I thought to myself (and may or may not say it out loud) "Apasal la pasang lagu hindustan ni?"

And then I heard "Insha Allah". I was like, mehhh, it's okay. He has good voice.

The thing is I've always into music and I loved Paramore -- for they are the only band that has decent music and lyrics without sex/booze/drugs in it. Some of their songs have meaningful lyrics. Anyhow, point is, I loved music. I had like 16 GBs of songs. Mostly rock genre because I despise RnB due to their lyrics that is just so eww.

Until one day I had a change of heart. That very day He opened the doors for me.

When I listened to "Insha Allah" after that day, my heart was moved. I mean, it's not like I'm listening it for the first time but it was truly a moment for me. His lyrics was just amazing and I love the song ever since. and maybe had a crush on the guy. Haha! Jahiliyah moment there. I was reminded to love the lyrics, not the singer. I was like, okay, blessed this guy for having a beautiful talent, given from above. -- LOL

Then came the time when his fame shoots up. Got famous all over asia and what-not. I dislike things that most people like. So I didn't like it as much as I did.

The point I'm writing this is just that I miss that feeling I had when I listened to the song. It feels so awesome. And now I'm miles away from that very feeling. I've missed the times I felt confident with every thing I did, that I did because of Him. Nowadays is just blerghhhh.

The attack of Mr. Futur. :(

I just don't know how I ended up like this. Okay I think I know how.

They say the non-beneficial stories, dramas, music darkens your heart bits by bits. You won't feel it darkens but when you've gone to far, you realised you've changed. :(

I feel like shutting down all those unnecessary entertainments. I have this habit of watching HIMYM but I think I'm getting bored of it so it's good. But I still burst words into songs. Because I've always have them in my head. Remember those time I used to sing along to anything? Yes, that. -______-"

So many jahiliyah things I've never removed. And how do I expect myself to move forward?

It's like going uphill, it's already freaking difficult, for unhealthy-because-never-exercise-me and I'm holding a huge baggage. A baggage full of my jahiliyah stuff. Now tell me how I'm gonna reach the top of Kinabalu Mountain weh? Difficult liao!

[Note : Jahiliyyah stuff : things I'd like to refer that are not beneficial and wasting time. It's not really meant jahiliyyah but I just love to call it that. Ha.]

So. Let's leave the baggage behind, Syahaneez. Never run back and open it. Throw it away in the ocean, let it be lost and never be found.

*INHALE*

I need my heart to be purified again.

Dear Qalb of mine, please be good and love the only one that deserve to be loved. Oh, you know who!

Day 12

2011-09-18T23:35:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Sampai sekarang, aku tak boleh nak betulkan diri lagi.

Don't know what's up, but this is it.

Tadabur hari ni ; (22:78)

78. Dan berjihadlah kamu pada jalan Allah dengan jihad yang sebenar-benarnya. Dia telah memilih kamu dan Dia sekali-kali tidak menjadikan untuk kamu dalam agama suatu kesempitan. (Ikutilah) agama orang tuamu Ibrahim. Dia (Allah) telah menamai kamu sekalian orang-orang muslim dari dahulu, dan (begitu pula) dalam (Al Quran) ini, supaya Rasul itu menjadi saksi atas dirimu dan supaya kamu semua menjadi saksi atas segenap manusia, maka dirikanlah sembahyang, tunaikanlah zakat dan berpeganglah kamu pada tali Allah. Dia adalah Pelindungmu, maka Dialah sebaik-baik Pelindung dan sebaik- baik Penolong.

Masih lagi aku rasa sukar. Kalau betul aku amalkan apa yang patut, takkan terasa sikit pun kesukaran tu, kan?

Dan jihad, bukan hanya dengan pedang dan apa segala senjata yang ada.

Berjihad menegakkan kebenaran.

Berjihad melawan nafsu.

Jihadlah yang sebenar-benarnya. Insya Allah.

Ujian

2011-09-09T11:54:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Tak pernah terlintas akanku diduga sebegini.

Tak kira apa masalahnya sekali pun, aku hanya terkedu, kerana aku sedikit pun tak dapat nak kuatkan diri.

Ujian yang datang, tak pernah aku nak salahkanNya, kerana sesungguhnya susunan Dia itu sangat lah teratur, terperinci, dan ada hikmah di sebaliknya, for He knows what's best for us.

It's just I'm so stressed out with myself. Benda dah nak jadi, tak boleh nak buat apa melainkan melaluinya dengan sabar dan tabah, kan? Masalahnya I can't, and I'm being a baby to stressed out things that actually not so tough. Nak difikirkan, masalahnya tak besar mana pun, cuma bagai jatuh ditimpa tangga lah, and masa tu macam tak berapa nak mengizinkan, tu je. ITU sahaja. Dan aku tak dapat buat apa-apa dengan betul. Messed up sangat.

"La yukali fullahu nafsan illah wus'aha."
Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya.

Banyak kali aku cuba ingatkan ni pada diri sendiri. Ada tu hari tu siapa ntah cakap, kalau apa-apa pun ujian kita dapat, betapa susah atau senang, tarik nafas dan ucaplah 'alhamdulillah'.

Tapi tu lah, stress dengan diri. Diuji sikit terus merengek macam budak kecik.

Aku tahu aku ada tanda-tanda yang nak detour dari jalanNya, aku sendiri dapat rasakan futur tu sangat kuat, dan bila diuji dalam keadaan futur, inilah jadinya. Rasa tak senang je.

Solution dia senang je actually. Back to Quran; Back to Allah. Kalau ada hope & faith dalam diri, apa pun jadi, kita takkan goyah.

So. Let's start.

Islam Oversea

2011-08-27T03:57:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Allah ghayatuna, Ar Rasul qudwatuna, Al-Quran dusturuna, Al-Jihadu sabiluna.

I've been hearing this phrase a lot lately. I'm loving it. *cue in music by Saff-One*

Allergic~

I wonder why nowadays people, most of people that is, is so allergic with religious-related matter?

I'm talking mainly about Muslims. Why are you allergic to any Islamic matter?

If there's anyone start to post anything about Islam, you'd be uneasy and annoyed. Terasa orang yang post tu super poyo and nak menunjuk-nunjuk dia alim.

*alim bermaksud mengetahui.*

Islam ni dah jadi macam agama keturunan. Maksudnya, sebab mak bapak Islam, kita pun Islam. Siapa sebenarnya cakap Islam tu dapat diwarisi? Tak semestinya mak bapak Islam, kau automatically Islam. Kalau tak diajar, tak Islam lah kan? Kalau tak practice, tak berapa nak Islam lah kan?

Kenapa aku cakap macam ni? Sebab aku budak belajar di Russia, yang tak nampak Islam di mana-mana kecuali dengan Muslim foreigners. Aku belajar balik Islam dalam keadaan sangat terasing. Masjid takde, surau pun limited. Tempat solat kat university takde, toilet dia takde paip air, dengan 4 musim dia yang buat waktu solat berubah-ubah.

Sangat untung ok budak-budak kat Malaysia ni. Masjid berlambak, surau kat mana-mana ada. Tempat wuduk tersedia. Sudah dipermudahkan tapi berapa ramai yang betul-betul manfaatkan semua tu?

So, aku dapat merasakan ada golongan tak suka apa-apa yang aku post related to Islam. Aku poyo. Student medic tetiba nak cakap pasal Islam. Apa kes kan?

Islam Oversea

kenapa term ni diwujudkan? sebab kitorang balik Malaysia, kitorang practice Islam macam kitorang kat sana. contoh : solat tanpa telekung.

dah la solat tak pakai telekung!

boleh je solat tanpa telekung, as long aurat kita dah ditutup dengan betul.

habis tu tangan tu nampak?

aurat wanita perlu ditutup seluruh anggota badan, KECUALI muka dan tapak tangan. problem?

ish, dah ada telekung, pakai je lah. -_-"

kalau dah tutup aurat, tak pakai pun takpe, ikut keselesaan individu.

ni la kot Islam oversea. ishish. nasib baik aku belajar kat mesia ni ha.

....

ada ustaz pernah cakap, kalau la dah bertepatan dengan syarak, tak payah nak argue benda tu, sebab dia SAH. remember :

do not argue on things that will not benefit you.

kadang-kadang kat surau / masjid boleh je aku pakai telekung tapi aku suka lagi solat pakai macam tu je (that is without telekung) 1) dah biasa. 2) saja, nak bagi orang tau yang actually tak salah pun. see whether ada orang nak cakap anything. haha.

aku tak kisah kalau orang tegur aku buat salah. lagi suka kalau dia tegur bukan dalam keadaan marah/menengking. ye la, siapa suka orang tegur marah2 kan? apa hal?!

so, there's no such thing as Islam oversea. ada sesetengah benda dipermudahkan bila di sana la, seperti jamak solat kalau tak sempat catch waktu time kelas. ye la. time winter kan waktu solat pendek2. tak sempat nak zuhur, tiba-tiba dah asar. jamak je la. TAPI bukan bermaksud hari-hari boleh jamak. dah tau tak sempat, pandai2 lah simpan wuduk, supaya save masa, habis kelas terus lari cari spot and solat.

Islam tu mudah, bukan untuk dipermudahkan.

Bodoh sombong

pernah dengar kan simpulan bahasa ni? unfortunately this type of people do exist. kalau kita tengok orang tu buat something yang kita rasa salah, cakap elok2 je, tak payah nak bagi muka "hek-eleh" dan cakap belakang. kurang sikit risiko untuk memalukan diri sebab kita tak semestinya betul at all times. kalau pun kita berilmu, mungkin ilmu tu tak cukup, kita tak tahu lebih lanjut so tak payah nak act so snobbish to others.

be modest.

ni tak, ilmu pun tak berapa nak cukup, yakin teramat, sampaikan gaduh mulut.

isu pegang anjing.

ye, anjing tu najis berat, tapi boleh disamak. 6 air campur tanah, 1 air mutlak. (ikut mazhab syafi'e)

yeay boleh guna sabun taharah~

ada fatwa cakap penggunaan sabun ni tak valid, sebab kandungan tanah liat dalam dia sikit. my opinion? kalau duduk kat msia banyak tanah, tak payah lah guna sabun ni, untuk budak duduk oversea insyaAllah okay, kalau tempat tu susah nak cari tanah.

seorang perempuan nampak puppy comel, and usap2 puppy tu.

eh, boleh sentuh pulak?

kan kalau bulu dia kering, tangan kita kering, boleh sentuh..

aku tahu, tak payah samak. yang kau duduk pegang dia tu in the first place, apa hal?

memang tak salah, tapi kalau boleh, elakkan lah. kenapa kita nak buat sesuatu yang might lead us to something that God doesn't like?

fikir-fikirkanlah.

style Doa

ni tak related sangat, tapi, I've read a post saying that, sekarang ni trend untuk berdoa kat facebook, twitter. certain doa memang boleh lah jugak nak share, contohnya doakan saudara di palestin ke. tapi sesetengah doa memang tak relevant. nak orang aminkan, tapi kalau kita sendiri tak mintak kat Allah, macamana Allah nak bagi. serupa nak duit dari mak ayah tapi post kat facebook/twitter. hoping they'd read the memo.

aku rasa kalau sesuatu doa tu kita selalu mintak kat Allah, kita tak perlu orang untuk aminkan doa kita kat facebook or twitter.

wallahu'alam.

2011-08-26T05:56:00.002+04:00

aku rasa aku kecewa dengan diri sendiri.

i should have been stronger than this.

Politics and whatnot.

2011-08-24T07:31:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

From what I've heard yesterday, 2 speech from 2 people, I can't tell whether it's a different person, because both of them are in the government team, it's very contradicting.

I'm not taking any sides, I'm not pro-gov, or pro-opp. I'm neutral.

What does that mean? It means, I only listens & agree whatever they say/do that's good. Or so I think so it is good. Haha.

So the first who gave the speech, was all you-must-love-the-1-malaysia-campaign. I was like o-kay? Honestly, I didn't like his speech, it was like almost telling us, "come join us, we've done so many things for you". I can't remember exactly what he said, I was falling asleep, but from what I've processed, he basically kiss up to the whole 1 Malaysia thing (and to who came with that idea), saying now the integration bond between all races are better than ever. Is it really?

I don't know. I have multiracial friends, but I have to admit, they are not typical of their kind. They are unique. From what I see, we are still in racist phase.

Example : Kalau bab-bab curi, mesti india. Bab-bab tak nak bagi potong kereta mesti Cina. Bab-bab penunggang motor tak bertauliah mesti Melayu.

This is not my opinion, this is what I see others (mostly) thinks. More or less lah.

Aku sendiri pun tak suka dengan bangsa sendiri. Adakah aku racist, kalau macam tu?

Sebab aku tak pandang semua tu. If you're good, I don't see you as a color, I see you as a person. Orang Melayu, aku pun Melayu, tapi tiba-tiba marah aku tak pasal-pasal sedangkan kau boleh cakap elok-elok. Lagi satu decible nak jerit kat aku. Infront of other people. (ok, teremosi di sini)

1Malaysia, tapi usaha nak rapatkan bond between the races tu, bukan senang kan? Kalau takat bagi propaganda memang lah senang. Do something to stop the racism!

2nd point of the 1st person who gave the speech is about Bersih 2.0. He dared to compare it to the riots in London. I personally, don't think that people of Bersih 2.0 go around, destroy shops, and burn stuff, like what happened in London.

His excuse? "Because we have take precautions from letting that to happen."

Bersih is not a riot, it's a rally/demonstration. Yeah, they can get really annoying and loud with speakerphones and stuff but they don't plan on destroy anything.

If they do, I'd be receiving a mail saying "Jom pergi Bersih 2.0. Bawak gasoline, lighter, KITA BAKO JE!!" Lol.

and I quote, "...when PM visited London there's bunch of people, Malaysian and locals shouted 'shame Najib' and now, shame on them, because they had to spend so much money on weapons to stop the riot, while we spend a little on tear gas..."

For Bersih, ada je penjual complain their sales ruined and rugi, etc. Tapi takdelah terbakar, kan? Okay la kan?

Once again, aku bukan pro mana-mana. This is what I see.

And thus, that concludes, I don't like that person's speech.

Bayangkan dia duduk preach orang macam tu, and the hall majority on indians, some chinese, handful of malays. Their age is around mine. Ni nak brainwash kitorang ke bang?

2nd person, speech dia mantap. He has skills! Although if you hear his name, you'd probably go, "Ah, mamat ni!" dengan tak puas hati. I don't know what he has done, but his speech is really good.

He said youth should really get into matters to make 2020 vision work. You don't have to support the opposition or the government to do that. Yes! He also said, do not believe everything you read, whether it's from the government or the opposition, or even, anything. Agree~ He also mentioned that it's okay for overseas student to do internship overseas instead of in Malaysia but after a few years, come back to Malaysia. He knows we youngsters wanna run from these politics crap. He did mentioned that he's not gonna ask us to love the government because they have helped you so much. Lebih kurang lah. I can't remember what he said more, but more or less, he might just say things we wanna hear. Haha.

Whatever it is, this is how you attract people. Not by worshiping whoever's in charge and trash the opposition. Frankly, most of us didn't care. It's the age where we wanna run from these things.

Tiba-tiba aku terfikir, memang bukan senang nak tadbir sesebuah negeri.

Dengan nak jana ekonomi negara, dengan duit agak overflow untuk orang atasan, dengan hubungan diplomatik.

Bukan senang, bukan aku bermaksud apa. Aku bermaksud, bukan senang nak lari / atasi dugaan tu.

Bayangkan, ekonomi down, and the only way to make fast money is night clubs. Yang lain tu boleh tapi lambat.

Apa kau buat?

Ekonomi down ni. Rakyat dah nak buat demo dah. Keputusan kau?

That's why aku yakin, kalau cara pentadbiran macam khalifah, or even zaman Rasulullah S.A.W, everything would be okay.

Macam-macamkan Allah uji semua orang.

Kita senang nak cakap orang tu tak pandai buat ini dan itu. Kita pandai ke?

*diam*

Lailatul Qadr

2011-08-20T19:12:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

alhamdulillah. hari ni dah masuk hari ke 21 Ramadhan. nampak gayanya orang ramai sibuk membeli-belah untuk raya nanti. sayangnya, Ramadhan yang ada di depan mata, Syawal yang nun jauh di sana juga yang dinampak. ni dah macam gajah depan mata tak nampak, kuman di sebelah rumah nampak pulak.

"Kalau orang datang rumah kita, mestilah kita jemput masuk yang di depan pintu dulu, baru yang di belakang tu kita jemput masuk." lebih kurang lah, ayat dari solusi.

sangat bersyukur Ramadhan kali ni berbeza dengan tahun lepas. perbezaan yang positif. rasa bertuah dapat nampak apa yang orang ramai tak nampak - keberkatan Ramadhan tu.

wa ma adro kama lailatul qadr? apakah itu lailatul qadar?

lailatul qadri khairummin alfi shahr. lailatul qadar itu lebih baik dari 1000 bulan.

"Orang bukan nak kejar lailatul qadar, orang sibuk nak kejar lailatul Kamdar." Akmal, coretan jalanan.

ada 9 hari lagi untuk kita mengejar segala macam kebaikan untuk bekalan 11 bulan akan datang. sebab apa? pada bulan ini, dan especially 10 yang terakhir, akan digandakan semua pahala.

cuba bayangkan Kamdar buat crazy sale. confirm semua generasi -- dari moyang sampai ke cicit akan serbu Kamdar. Ramadhan ni lagi hebat. kita semua tak nak serbu dan rebut peluang tu ke? kalau pergi Kamdar, barang dia limited. balasan Allah, unlimited. takkan habis, kerana Dia maha pemurah, maha besar, maha agung!

untuk effect yang terbaik, kejarlah keranaNya dan bukanlah untuk fadhilatnya.

jom kita kejar sampai dapat. ;)

on a personal note;

I'm truly grateful I went to RSSR. one of the most valuable moments indeed. I've no regret, but one--for leaving the program for a while to do something that is insignificant.

insyaAllah, next week I'll be at pre-departure russia-ireland-uk at pwtc, helping out my umno people. plus, I wanna check out whether any of my friends will be there. I'm not going back to that club, I don't like what I've become when I'm in the club. lagha semacam. with these people in the club, they just give me a major headache. sometimes it feels like i'm mothering naughty kids. yeah -_-"

but then again, Allah will never burden me with what I can't handle.

so, have faith.

"If you see an injustice ACT on it, and if you can't, then SPEAK on it, and if you can't then FEEL it with your heart, because that's the WEAKEST form of faith, but at least that's a start."

edit : apakah tips untuk bangun qiam?

lain orang, lain ragam lah kan? personally I'm the type who is so difficult to wake up, because I love to sleep. -_-" but, try these tips, see whether it helps.

tidur awal. kalau dah cukup tidur, senang nak bangun.
set alarm yang kuat, pastu letak jauh sikit, so that kalau nak matikan alarm tu you have to wake up. haaa!
drink plenty of water. besides helping your dehydration problems, you'd be waking up to go to the toilet. ta-da~ :p
jangan tidur dalam keadaan terlalu selesa. confirm susah nak bangun.
suruh mak/ayah kejutkan. in my case, ayah. sebab dia kejutkan FUHH terus bangun!
having a newborn around you helps. my niece, a 4months old selalu nangis nak susu time2 4am. so. terbangun la jugak. hahah.

actually kan, paling penting lah, sebelum tidur, niat nak bangun qiam. at least dah niat kalau pun tak terbangun. that's 1 point there, folks. pastu, doa sikit (bebanyak pun boleh) minta Allah permudahkan untuk bangun nanti. :)

speaking of sleep...

Allah memegang jiwa (orang) ketika matinya dan (memegang) jiwa (orang) yang belum mati di waktu tidurnya; maka Dia tahanlah jiwa (orang) yang telah Dia tetapkan kematiannya dan Dia melepaskan jiwa yang lain sampai waktu yang ditetapkan^[1]. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu terdapat tanda- tanda kekuasaan Allah bagi kaum yang berfikir.

(Surah az-Zumar 39 :42)

that's why orang kata bila kita tidur, kita mati seketika. kerana Allah menahan jiwa kita. bila kita bangun, kenapa kita baca "alhamdulillahil ladzi ahyana ba'da ma amatana wailaihinnushur" yang bermaksud : Segala puji hanya milik Allah yang telah menghidupkan kami setelah sebelumnya mematikan kami, dan hanya kepada-Nya-lah kita kembali. Sebab apa? sebab Allah dah bagi kita peluang untuk hidup -- bukan bagi peluang nak repeat our mistakes, Dia beri peluang untuk kita repent.

i was told it is best that, before tidur tu kita muhasabah diri.

yakinkah kita boleh bangun esok?

adakah esok masih ada untuk kita?

wallahu'alambithawab.

Older than my age.

2011-08-07T19:46:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I get this all the time.

Everyone does not think that I'm 20. By right, I do not even turn 20 yet.

Kak Husna has told me that I'm matured for my age and I do look matured, thus I do not look 20.

Okay, I'm taking that as a compliment.

"Where do you stay?"

"Block 2D"

"Oh, with your husband?"

"No, I live with my parents."

*wide eyes, shocked.*

Yeah, what a 25-year-old do living with her parents? No, lady, I'm not married, and I'm 20. Ehem.

"Who do you have usrah with?"
"Kak Husna."

"Kak Husna???"

"Yeah, she was born in '88."

"And you?"

"Erm, 91?"
"No wonder! You look matured!"

Kak Farihin, wondering why did I call kak Husna, 'kak'. Hahah

and the day when I wore my contact lenses; a lady said :

"Do you go to school here?"

"Err, nope. :)"

Oh, do I look younger without my spectacles? Hahahah

Anyway, I believe that my mature look is a factor why I don't get duit raya anymore.

Not that I'm complaining, rezeki itu ditanganNya.

Mama said it's the height factor that makes people think I am older than my age.

A man who is selling whatever he is selling, clearly older than me :
"Kak, nak beli ____ tak? Kak mari sini kak..."

Honestly, I rather him calls me kakak than calls me 'adik'. Geli kot kalau lelaki tak berkenaan panggil adik.

"Adik tinggi!"

"Kakak...rendah?"

"Heyyy~"

Lol, kak Shitekk. She's so cute, and she does look younger than me.

"Berapa lama lagi kat sana?"

"Lama lagi aih, 5 tahun.."

"Uih lamanya!"

"Sya year berapa?"
"1st year..."
"Laa, ingatkan Sya dah 4th year!"

Yeah, yeah.

*looks at Kak Farhana who told that she has graduated recently; pointed to me*

"Ni pun dah grad jugak eh?"

Hoho, how I wish.

Medical term pun aku tak tahu.

Family dah ingat aku doctor tak boleh pakai.

Alasan aku : baru nak masuk 2nd year!

HAHA

Oh well.

Kids

2011-08-03T18:49:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

abang : aku tak tahu macamana kau boleh layan Melor
me : why?
abang : kitorang had this idea yang kau tak suka...
me : ...kids? yeah, i don't like kids.
abang : haa. tapi aku tengok kau dengan Melor ok je. macamana kau boleh tolerate budak kecik tu aku pun tak tahu.
me : dia kan kecik lagi
abang : hmm, ok. tapi tak explain macamana kau boleh layan dia.
me : i don't know, dia kecik lagi so tak banyak ragam kot? macam Hadif tu mana ada adik (me) layan sangat.
abang : yeah

haha. dah lah previous post was about marriage, and now, kids?

aiih, takde la drama mana pun. he was right though, i don't like kids. i think i've made it very clear although i have never say it out loud.

i'm the last child, so you get the idea. when i was little, when i saw mama or ayah holding someone else's baby i get jealous. i don't play with little kids, babies, i tend to avoid them. i didn't even care about them because usually there's other people who does. so. yeah.

Melor is my 2nd niece but the first one, Azizah is always away so I don't 'talk' to her that often too. plus, i think she's scared of me. ahaha. Melor is always at home so you can't ignore her, right? LOL.

nah, i think i just need time to really get to know someone, even if it's a baby. so it takes time for me to really go and tolerate with one.

that's how bad i am with kids.

hey but i was and still am excited for baby boy from my sister!

heheheehe

Marriage

2011-08-03T03:10:00.005+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

On an quite irrelevant post today, I think I'm seeing things in positive way. Which is really good.

Okay, first of all, I'm not getting married. The jokes of me being the next in line to get married is never funny. -_-" I'm gonna wait for my cousin sisters to get married first. :p

Lately asyik jumpa pasal kahwin-kahwin ni. Maklumlah, sebelum Ramadhan banyak juga kenduri kahwin a.k.a walimah. Mama talked about her friend's daughter who just graduated and will be starting her HO soon and getting married on October. She's a 4.0 student. *terbatuk kejap* Pandai oh!

Plus, that short story of aiman azlan about marriage also. Hmm, marriage!

No lah, it's just that, I somehow think that marriage is a beautiful thing. Serious! Looking at married couple, and how sweet they can be. No matter how sweet you are with your bf/gf, I don't see it, I still think married couple are the sweetest, ftw. Haha. I'm just saying. Looking at kakak-kakak that are married, so sweet lah even though they did not show any of it.

Excuse me, it's just that I believe love after marriage and not before it. So, yeah. :P

I also believe that marriage is not a matter where you can force someone into. If the person think that she's not ready, then don't push it. Or else you'd have the celebrity marriage style. Married for 3 months, divorced. La la la. Maybe everyone is just pressured to be married while you yourself is not ready. Bear in mind that divorce is hated by Allah.

Kesederhanaan tu penting untuk walimah. Kalau aku yang kahwin, jangan harap nak buat grand-grand. Haha. Bazir duit je. What's the point if you have 'wedding of the year' thing if your marriage don't last? Call me kuno or whatever, I still think it's best to have a simple wedding. Oh and please, avoid upacara tepur tawar, baling2 beras kuning, upacara batal air sembahyang or whatever do people usually do in weddings. Islam has never taught us that.

The other day saw kak Enal's post about "happiness". She said something like this :

"Kunci bahagia itu ada pada Dia maka carilah Dia terlebih dahulu sebelum mncari si 'dia'."

Yeah.

So true. If one day I'd be married, I want to be with the person who has the same ambition as me; that is to get to ustaziatul alam level.

*berangan*

For now, let's bercinta with Him. Hehe. Ramadhan is a golden opportunity to grab His love! While stock last**

Lol, kidding. His love and mercy for us is unlimited kot.

#sorrytaklawak

Fidyah, oh Fidyah

2011-08-01T10:59:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Fidyah -- macam nama orang je kan?

Tahukah anda apa itu fidyah? Rasa macam pernah belajar untuk SPM dulu. Haha. Memang pun!

Aku kena bayar fidyah tahun ni. Tahniah kepada aku. -_-

Kenapa kena bayar? Ehem, macam tak tahu. Disebabkan tak habis ganti lagi puasa Ramadhan lepas, dan sekarang ni dah Ramadhan baru, aku diwajibkan bayar fidyah.

Mama : Tu lah, kenapa tak ganti awal-awal macam mama. Kan dah kena bayar...
Me : Bukan tak nak ganti, awal-awal dulu puasa dah, tapi jadi puasa sunat sebab dah lepas subuh baru nak niat. Kan kalau qada' puasa kena niat sebelum subuh / malam sebelum tu macam puasa Ramadhan.
Mama : Laa. (aku tahu mak aku dah speechless dah dengar cerita aku)

Hahaha

Seriously. Banyak puasa aku dulu jadi puasa sunat. Tersangatlah rugi, kan? Aku selalu terlupa nak puasa the next day, till dah lepas subuh, or pagi-pagi nak pergi kelas. Ye lah kan, sesetengah orang cakap niat tak semestinya melafazkan "Sahaja aku berpuasa esok hari, blablablabla", cukup sekadar "hmm, esok aku nak ganti puasa hari tu la. lillahita'ala". Dah aku jenis pelupa, memang tu pun aku tak teringat nak buat. Dah pagi nak pergi kelas baru lah sedar, terkedek-kedek nak niat.

Kawan : Tak payahlah nak kejarkan sangat puasa sunat, habiskan yang wajib dulu (which is qada' puasa)

T.T

Dah lah dengan dugaan winter yang malamnya panjang, dengan summer yang siangnya panjang.

Nasi sudah menjadi bubur.

Lepas ni aku mesti ganti sebelum Muharram tiba!

Info sikit :

Fidyah dibayar ikut harga secupak beras. Ada beberapa jenis beras, ada yang mahal sikit (sikit je, beza beberapa sen je) Ikut korang lah nak pilih nak beras jenis apa. Lepas tu darab dengan jumlah hari anda tertinggal. Kalau 4 hari, bayaran darab 4 lah. Lepas bayar fidyah diwajibkan qada' puasa tu jugak. Kalau 4 hari, ganti puasa 4 hari. So. Kalau kumpul bebanyak, kena qada' jugak, kena bayar jugak. Aku serik dah ni.

Tapi ni kes macam aku lah, tak habis ganti puasa Ramadhan lepas, Ramadhan yang ni dah tiba. Kalau kes lain, kena refer dekat Jabatan Agama untuk keterangan lebih jelas. Call je diorang. Tanya je. Kalau dorang tak boleh jawab dia akan suruh orang lain jawab, so kena tunggu la kat telefon tu. Jangan give up, haha.

Adoi.

Mudah-mudahan Allah mengampuni kesilapan kita.

Jangan jadi macam aku. Sekian.

berani kerana benar.

2011-07-30T21:53:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

"Biasakan dengan yang benar, bukan benarkan yang biasa."

Kalau ada yang nak kata aku 'macam ni' dan 'macam tu', sedangkan aku yakin aku berada di jalan yang benar, aku takkan goyah. insyaAllah.

Irrelephant

2011-07-24T05:29:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

"Anything that doesn't related to Elephant is called 'Irrelephant'."

Nice.

Now, let's talk about something irrelephant today.

I realised that this summer I've been trying to spend time with my family. Which is going great. I had one on one session with ma and ayah seperately. My 2 nieces are growing up and I'll be a getting a nephew soon. I feel so blessed, really. :)

It's just that, I only decided to see my friends a week after I came back. I met Dana. Okay, more like Dana came to see me, haha. We had late dinner. Few days after that I went to see the rest of the gang. Teri, Sasa, Man Kit, Chai Theng. and incidently, Ken. Casey's not back yet, so, yeah. They didn't know about my return, which makes sense because I don't tell anyone I'm coming home -- except to those who asked. Anyhow, Chai Theng asked me when I was back and I told her it was a week ago and she was like, "And now only we get to see you?!" Hahaha. :P

I mean, I don't know. I like and love my family time, even though it doesn't feel much like it.

I didn't even contact my friends much since I got back. I mean, I smsed who? Mainly my family, and my Kursk friends. Hahaha!

Point is, I don't feel like calling anyone. I'm having changes in my life, and you know, trying to restrict my life to things that matters and that are right to me. I don't wanna put my life to waste with something insignificant. It's just that, I need to do some adjusting with my life.

Sadly, my high school friends are mostly boys. I've mentioned being friends with boys makes life easier, less emotional stuff I'll go through. But the thing is now, I gotta stop being out with boys, because you know, it's not right. Being all non-muhrim and all. Like I said, I'm gonna make some changes. I know if I was my old-self I'll be out with the boys lepaking here and there.

Plus, I've lost 'connection' with most of my friends here because of the distance we had when I was in Russia. It's really nice to have someone to relate to even when you're away and when you came back they'll be around and most importantly when they really care. I know who are these people in my life and I'm keeping in touch with them. I mean, let's face it, not every one will bother your return and it's just another year and they go, "Oh, yeah, she's back. Let's hang out and catch up like I care what you do." No, I don't dig that.

I don't need people who don't give a damn about me. I'll just concentrate to the people who actually cares, thank you.

Irrelephant. That's genius. Who came up with that?!

#nowplaying Outlandish - Triumf

Aurat

2011-07-21T12:37:00.004+04:00

First of all, I'd like to explain the difference of wearing hijab and covering your aurat (for the girls).

I'd like to ask you, do you remember what we've learnt in school?

What is the aurat for a woman with her ajnabi or with her non-mahram?

Wait, what is ajnabi and mahram? :\

Mahram is for woman is basically her dad, mom, siblings, kids, husband. You know, when she touches them her wuduk is still 'valid'.

Non-mahram is every other people besides the mahram.

Non-mahram is called ajnabi. It's the same thing. :)

So, yeah. What is the aurat for a woman with her ajnabi or her non-mahram?

Every parts of her body except for face and 2 hands -- that is from her wrist to her fingers.

So, wearing only hijab without covering all other aurat, does not means you have covered your aurat. I know there's a lot of cases where the hijab girls wear sandals and their feet got exposed. So, you know what that is. They did wear hijab but they didn't cover all their aurat yet.

There was a point where I thought covering aurat is just covering your hair. This is WRONG.

A woman's aurat is everything except her face and her 2 hands.

Let me ask you, why did we wear telekung to pray? Because it covers everything, except our face. Our hands doesn't need to cover but if it does, why not? So, when you pray and your hand is exposed, it is alright, as long it doesn't expose more than the wrist part.

Yes, there was a point where I thought we need to cover our ALL our hands during prayers. No, we don't. If the wrist part till the fingers got exposed, it's okay. Why? Because when we pray we need to cover our aurat, and woman's aurat is every parts of her body except for face and 2 hands.

Please remember that Allah ask us to cover our aurat, not just to wear hijab.

A friend asked me, why did woman wears hijab?

Well, they might wear for many reasons. Parents, friends, university rules, just because, etc.

I can't tell you exactly why they do that, you gotta ask that person personally.

Maybe I can tell you why woman needs to cover themselves.

Covering aurat is defined like covering your shame. Why bother to wear clothes at all? You wanna cover yourself so you won't feel ashamed right? It's the same thing.

It is also for your own protection. I'm pretty sure a man can get turn on easily with woman who doesn't cover her aurat, right? Plus, man has very interesting imagination. Even with a slight glance on a woman's aurat he can fantasize about things -- which is a sin. So, by covering your aurat you can prevent other people from sinning. It also can prevents from fitnah to happen.

Above all, Allah ask us to cover ourselves, it's part of Islam and He'll loves us if we do so. Isn't that enough? :)

"You're wrong, hijab women are more prone to danger. All the victims of acid man are hijab women."

Don't tell me we gotta stop wearing hijab to be safe. Who tells you that? If the world's gonna end in 2012, it will if Allah wants to.

Every thing happens for a reason. You wouldn't know, maybe one of the acid man victim is mean to her mother. I'm just saying. I don't know. Allah is all-Knowing.

"Not every hijab woman are holy! Look at me, I'm free haired and I pray everyday."

So it might be true. At least she tried to be one, by wearing hijab. That's a start. And you, you started with praying. That's good.

"It's too hot here. Are you crazy?! How am I suppose to cover myself?"

Like a vlogger said, even if you wear skimpy clothes and short pants, you'd still feel the warmth and hot air. What is the difference then? Just remember that, no matter how hot the weather is, think about how hot Hell is.

"I can't do it, I haven't gotten any 'hidayah' yet."

Hidayah is everywhere. Allah is all-Giving, He puts hidayah everywhere. You gotta search for it. I mean, when you're thirsty you don't wait for the water to come to you right? You gotta look for water. If you truly seek for hidayah, insyaAllah you'll found it.

You don't have to be an ustazah to wear a long hijab. It's cliche to think that only ustazah do so. There's a case where an English teacher is mistaken as ustazah by a primary school children, just because she wore a long hijab.

Who says only ustazahs are going to heaven? All of us are entitled to heaven, insyaAllah as long we do the things that are Allah loves.

InsyaAllah, if we seek for His love, He'll loves us too.

-

2011-07-15T17:41:00.002+04:00

Aku tak tau macamana nak luahkan perasaan ni.

ceyy ayat, bajet habis.

tapi seriously, this is madness. i need to get this out my chest.

I seriously hate the tv shows in Malaysia. Especially those on Astro Channels.

THERE. I've said it.

Why?

Because it is full of sampah sarap yang busuk menusuk hidung.

First of all, KILAUAN EMAS. whadhupp with that? Ala-ala AF tapi untuk orang tua-tua? (mengikut pemahaman sendiri about the show) sebab aku tak nak tengok show tu, geli, malu dan bermacam-macam perasaan ada.

Ingatkan bila dah makin berumur, makin ada usaha nak dekat denganNya. I'm not saying that we as teenagers need to wait till we're like 50 to actually seek for God but, USUALLY, when we're aging we tend to look for Him because we're tired of the world. Ini tak, macam dah world end aku rasa. Seram ok. It's like they're trying to make their old dreams come true. Yea lah, AF tu untuk budak2 muda.

Okay?

Whatever shows berkaitan with dancing. Dari dulu yang sehati berdansa tu aku dah rasa tak sedap dah. Mari Menari ke. Showdown ke. Whadhupp la? SEMUANYA nak tiru orang barat. Silap-silap hari bulan kau tiru show "16 & Pregnant" tu. Naa kan, macam tak tau kat Malaysia ni banyak kes buang bayi. Jangan nanti ada yang tampil ke hadapan dan bagi solution ni :
Bagi mengelakkan kes pembuangan bayi makin berleluasa, kita buat realiti tv yang bertajuk '16 dan mengandung' supaya mereka ni ada sense utk tanggungjawab kat baby tu

MALAYSIAN, Y U NO THINK?

Betul kata-kata seseorang tu (aku tak ingat siapa) yang kata kita sebenarnya tak merdeka pun. Sebab fikiran dan mentality kita serupa dengan orang barat.

Arak? cool.

Pre-marital sex? cool.

Sexy? cool.

Drugs? cool.

Clubbing? cool.

Who says these things are super cool? It's all up to you man. If you think these things are cool, then 'cool' it will be. Kalau kau bukak minda sikit, kau akan fikir, apa kejadahnya benda ni buat kat body aku? Arak and drugs rosakkan minda and judgment, pre-marital sex & being sexy buat aku macam murahan, clubbing yang kononnya nak release tension tu seronok sementara je.

If you are doing these things to get away your problem, let me tell you a fact, you can never run away from your problem. Makin lari darinya, makin dikejar. Problems won't go away if you don't sit down and settle them. Kalau judgement samar-samar camana nak settle betul2?

ok, aku dah detour habis jauh dah.

back to tv shows.

tv shows plays important role in one's life sbb semua benda kat tv 'cool'. tengok laki caring sikit dgn awek, terus si perempuan nak laki camtu. boo. (contoh je lah) then, tv kalau dah tunjuk benda2 sampah, menjadi sampah la masyarakat tu KALAU dia tidak berpikir.

again, MALAYSIAN, Y U NO THINK?

judgement kita lemah, tak boleh nak beza mana satu ok dan tak ok. even kita tau, kita tak follow, sbb kita lemah.

aku kalau ada anak aku tak nak anak aku tengok tv. huhu. nanti rosak. anak-anak kecik asyik ikut tagline celebrity AF. wow so cool. so comel. SO ROSAK.

ape anak kau dpt if dia ikut2 AF, nak jadi celebrity, jadi artis.

ada satu show kat mtv tu dia train anak dia dari kecik utk jadi celebrity. ohmy. americans. desperate nak anak dia famous. pastu dia famous then what? oh im sorry, we are talking about getting gazzilions of money cos of being famous.

yeah 'who says money cant buy happiness?'

sure. it can, but bukan eternal happiness. keseronokan yang sekejap, pastu duit habis, happiness pun habis. kalau we find a deeper meaning about life, that's like the ultimate happiness.

ok. detour teruk dah.

done for the day.

post-reading

2011-07-15T01:45:00.005+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

All I can say after reading my old entries, I had seriously anger management problems and I was one of heck emo kid. Seriously emo. Like, I-hate-my-life, I-hate-my-parents, blablabla. Aku pun tak tau apa jadi. Padahal entry paling lama pun 2008. 3 tahun tu. So many changes in 3 years.

and all those high school drama. makes me feel like uni life is rather boring, hahaha.

Alhamdulillah I have become a more decent person. I now proudly state, I LOVE my parents. and life is great. :)

and I'd like to share a link on a blogger, quite famous lah. He has good point this time. Hear him out.

I'm still laughing at myself. My old self, writing those meaningless entries. Adoii, nasib aku jadi insan baguih sikit. Kalau aku terpele'ot dan sungkur? Ya Allah, syukur, aku masih di sini.

top of the world

2011-07-12T23:45:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Alhamdulillah, dapat jejak lagi di tanah airku.

I've been sitting around my home, doing nothing significant. I did write down my to do list. Most of them requires me to go out of the house and frankly, I don't feel like it. I like my home. It's too comfortable to go out. Despite the hot weather, (mind you, the sun directly shines through our huge window panes) I still love it. Plus, watching Ma and Ayah entertained by baby Melor. It's a bless. *tearing* They are so GOOD with kids! I mean, just look at them handling baby Melor and other kids of our relatives. It seems like they've done it so many times. Come to think of it, they had us 3 as their kids. So. Yeah. Baby Melor is 5kg now. That's pretty heavy for a 3 months old. Her cheeks are like pao. I'm gonna eat it soon. :)

I feel so glad that my parents are not 'bored' anymore since now Melor is around. I was so worried with them being alone, bored. Looking at each other and wander around the house. Lol. It's good that Melor's here. Abang and Kak Wani will come here more often. It's like we're holding their baby for hostage. *evil laugh* Nah, just kidding.

Back to the real world, it's eerie out there. I don't feel like going out at all. I don't know where to go. Bosan kot pi shopping mall. Pi makan = buang duit. Tengok wayang = buang duit. Pi main games = buang duit. Bowling = definitely no no. Absolutely buang duit. Nak buat apa lah pi mall? Bosan I tell you. Looking at Teri's album on Bukit Gasing, macam menarik. Dapat tengok alam. Hoih, I wanna go see the beach, the trees, the wonderful seas! Haa ni kurang buat duit. Hihi. Tapi buang duit minyak lah. Haha.

I think I'm gonna go stay with grandma soon. I think she'll love that.

Oh I feel like baking! But we have no oven! I feel like cooking to but I can't cook at home, well, actually I can but I don't like to cook for other people when I know they can cook better. Hehehe. Tadi masak nasi lemak jap sebab craving and didn't get the chance to eat since I came back. I said I wanted to cook only for me. Then Mama mcm, hinting. I'm like, yeah sure I can cook some extra but if it's not edible than it's not my problem. Hahah. Well. Aku bantai ja la. I'm the type that when I cook, I can eat my cooking. Really. I'm not picky. :D

Can't wait for CAMP! and I feel like going pre-departure. And Kak Wan's wedding. and Ramadhan! Indahnya nikmat. :)

Bee-tee-dubs, I did the I'm-so-emo-I-want-to-cut-my-own-hair.

The regrets are kicking in right about... NOW.

pasrah

2011-07-02T10:56:00.001+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

it's done.

what's done is done.

I'm pretty much prepared for what I'll get tomorrow but I know I screwed up. I didn't study well.

no one to blame but myself.

why can't I learn my lesson? this is not the first time i've been through this.

WEAK.

-________-

tau dah nak exam tapi tak study betul2. memang carik pasal la. pastu nak emo, salahkan diri.

sesal kemudian memang langsung tak guna.

therapy.

2011-06-28T02:50:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

just when i said one day i'll bake, it turned out to be today. but it was for khadeejah & adnin mostly, bcos they wanted it. and i was like, ok lah, got the ingredients from khadeejah that bebby left behind and its not that hard to bake butter cake. this time i made it 3 colors, red, orange, yellow. :) did little experiment by sprinkling those strawberry powders on top. haha. it was just a small amount of cake, i didn't get to give everyone. sorry.

i figured out that baking could be my therapy. i'd feel better after doing so, even when the cake turned out to be a disaster. i don't really eat them, i just kinda like baking them when i'm in the mood. and yeah, i'm in the mood -- i should be out studying but i don't feel like it. baking is a good therapy!

and made dinner super banyak. homemade pizza. it's gonna be our breakfast tmrw, sasa. haha. it's my therapy too. its fun lah. its a bonus if it tastes good.

the day before did a little clean up. a little. cos im super lazy. ha.

conclusion : cooking and cleaning are a good therapy! one should try it when one not in a mood!

getting personal

2011-06-26T20:30:00.006+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

warning, personal blog post.

aku rasa mcm dah habis exam. no, belum lagi habis. satu lagi paper. satu lagi! tapi mood hilang. biasalah. towards the end rasa mcm maaaaaaaaaaaaalas semacam. ugh. harap2 esok aku boleh start kumpul mood. lepas exam latin semalam terus rasa mcm bingung2 sikit. haha. alhamdulillah, so far all the exams i did okay. (ma, ayah, just okay ya. no excellent or what not) im so grateful sebenarnya. kalau nak ukur usaha aku, memang tak setimpal, rasa sangat sangat tak deserve apa yang dapat tapi syukur, Tuhan tu Maha Pemurah. insyaAllah inilah yang terbaik buatku.

aku dah berfikir. kalau-kalau aku diuji dgn fail exam, macamana reaction aku? aku rasa aku rilek je. percaya yang itu terbaik untuk aku. yang melenting mak bapak la. haha. tu aku risau. apa aku nak cakap. "ma, i failed. okbye". confirm dia kasi cancel aku punya extra club activities kat sini. byebye UMNO. HAHA. dah byebye pun. sangat tawar hati dengan reaction si kawan. haih. apa nak jadi.

semalam rasa sangat sangat gembira, bukan sebab result exam ke apa.

1st, i went to a shop with sasa & niza and nampak kasut that are actually my type. idk why there's like super duper excitement there. saya dan sasa happy!! lama tak rasa mcm tu. haha. tgk je la. nak beli tu ada tapi rasanya tak kot. kasut kamu tu banyak, syahaneez. -___-

2nd, went to 5th hostel, jumpa dgn family bahagian sana. <333 i realised that ive been missing them so much! takde hal lah naik tangga 9 tingkat utk korang. LOL. tapi lift, jgnlah lama2 sgt rosak. :/

then 3rd, join sekejap usrah sii ima. hehe menyibuks. rindu untuk berusrah. duduk & share. :)

4th, skype ramai2 with kak farhana who was in st pete. bestnya. lepaskan rindu~

5th, talking to my usrahmate. yeap. *hugs*

6th, this is actually uhm, lagha sikit. uno sessions with them. aha

sangat sangat <3 i just feel so happy. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdullilah.

dan hari ni sasa and minah gave me cakes! i love people who give me cakes. hehehehe. jazakillah sasa. jazakillah minah. nanti my turn to bake pula. ;P

feel so blessed. just hope i won't go astray. huhu.

photo

2011-06-22T13:47:00.005+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

from left : roommate kedua, roommate pertama, roommate keempat, roommate ketiga.

from left : sya, eli, kak husna, kak farhana, khadeejah

usrah, merupakan perkataan arab yang bermaksud keluarga. inilah sebahagian keluargaku di Kursk. <3

yeap.

2011-06-18T02:29:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

who knew when you're about to do something good you'll get really sleepy?

and when you're about to do something bad you'll get super awake?

yeah. satan's in da house yo. messing with you whenever you wanna do good.

simple example;

i wanna study. but as soon as i hold my notes, i get really sleepy. ok. note to self, read lotsa doa beforehand. mhmm.

and when i wanna online, just browsing websites, random youtube videos, i could stay awake till 3 in the morning. what the????

i don't like this feeling.

a'uzubillahiminashaitonirrajimmmmmmmmmmmmm.

aku berlindung kepada Allah, dari syaitan yang direjam.

happy studying people.

3 more weeks to home.

i'm too excited for that.

haha.

alrighty then.

PS : there you go, a post from yours truly after months. happy? :)

salahkah aku bercinta?

2011-04-10T08:23:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

NOTE : aku tak rasa title relevant dengan post ni. just... random. hahahaha.

Soalan : Kenapa cerita / drama "Islamic" kat Malaysia selalunya kaitkan dengan cinta antara kaum Adam & kaum Hawa?

"Hanya Tuhan sahajalah yang tahu betapa aku rindunya dia.."

"Ya Allah, janganlah kau pisahkan aku dari dia. Aku terlalu mencintainya.."

"Alhamdullilah, aku dapat juga berjumpa dengannya setelah lama merindu.."

and PALING la favourite ve mire ayat ni! (ve mire = in the world)

"Jodoh kita di tangan Tuhan, kita hanya mampu merancang, tapi Tuhanlah yang menentukannya.."

something like that lah. aku tak pandai nak buat ayat jiwang, ketahuilah bahawa aku tak pernah bercinta dan aku geli dengan ayat-ayat macam ni. dan aku sangatlah jarang tengok drama-drama macam ni. sangatlah allergi ye. *can pengsan oh!*

takkan la pasal cinta2 ni dah tak tau nak mintak kat sapa, kita mintak kat Allah. ok la, tak kata yang mintak kat Tuhan tu salah tapi kan, pasal benda lain terus alpa pada Tuhan, tak baguih na?

pastu jodoh di tangan tu. cannot go la dei! (tak boleh bla) sebab sebenarnya semuaaa la ditentukan Tuhan. bukan jodoh je ye. mati bila, makan cukup ke tak (rezeki) semuanya dah ditentukan.

ok. cukup!

macamana ntah boleh terpikiaq nak tulis pasal ni. oh ya, pasai lirik lagu Hujan - Walaupun Jauh la.

Siapa yang bertuah memiliki mu
Tuan empunya sang bidadari itu

Bolehkah aku menyentuh kulitmu itu
Agar ku bisa merasakan syurga seketika waktu

Tiada kata yang dapat ku lafaz kan untuk mu
Biarkan diriku terbang jauh
Ini bukan mimpi walau dalam tidurku ini
Biarkan aku mendekati mu - walaupun jauh

Namun kurasakan memang jauh
Jarak antara kita berdua Tuhan saja yang tahu

tolong lah ye. macam apa je aku baca lirik dia yang 2nd paragraph tu. terus menyesal pi download album dorang. haha nda bha. tapi seriously, perlu ke nak sentuh2 kulit ni. berkarya la pun tapi.. hahaha. ok. tetiba rasa aku macam haters pulak. *we got some haters in the club~~~*

ketahuilah bahawa relationship between non-muhrim, yakni ajnabi, ada batasannya. kalau dah tacing2 (touching) ni, haihlaaa, macamana? mula-mula ye la tacing2, pastu holding2 pastu.... hang pikiaq la sendiri.

just wanna let you know that, bila kita buat benda salah ada beberapa tahap. it applies on anything yang salah la.

tahap pertama ;

first time nih buat salah. tu dia! takut bukan main. tapi dah kena influence orang lain ataupun terasa nak buat salah kan, buat je la. lepas dah buat tu PUUUUUUNYA la rasa bersalah. nangis2 ke. rasa berdebar-debar pula.

tahap kedua ;

buat lagi. sebab dah pernah buat, rasa nak buat lagi. pastu rasa gak la bersalah tapi dah rilek. boleh gelak-gelak lagi sebab rasa cuak. he he *gelak cuak*

tahap ketiga ;

buat lagi benda yang sama. haih ok ja pun? takde pun rasa bersalah? laa apahal laaa selama ni rasa bersalah sangat? rilek la bro!

tahap keempat = chronic ;

WOOHOO bestnya! aku adalah orang yang bebas! (translation dari "I'm a free man!!") alriiiight, bro!

MY DEAR! *style orang russian* kalau dah namanya benda tu SALAH, how good you feel doing so but dia tetap salah. cuma korang je rasa okay. sebab layer ketebalan muka tu dah cukup baiiiiik sampai apa yang salah pun tak rasa salah.

kita TAHU benda tu salah, tapi still buat. sebab apa? dah takde dah rasa malu nak buat salah tu. muka tebal dah. ketahuilah takde product kat kedai boleh kasi nipis muka korang. hohoho

last but not least,

hampa pikiaq lah sendiri!

PS : sorry, banyak dah campur bahasa. utara selatan timur dan barat. malas nak tulis proper. xde mood.

sayang

2011-03-24T00:05:00.002+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

lama tak menaip. terlalu lama, sampaikan hampir lupa akan kewujudan blog ni. afwan, bukannya apa, cuma sibuk dengan itu dan ini. topik kali ini, adalah topik yang sering bermain difikiranku.

sayang. aku pasti semua ada idea mereka sendiri apabila ditanya, apa itu "sayang".

soalan : betul ke kalau cakap je sayang tapi tak tunjukkan yang kita sayang, ertinya kita tak sayang?

in my opinion, tak jugak. silap, in my case, tak. sebab aku memang bukan jenis yang reti nak jaga relationship baik-baik dengan orang. lagi-lagi aku di sini, di negara orang, jauh dari family. boleh kira dengan JARI berapa kali je aku contact mama and ayah dalam SEBULAN.

nak kata aku tak sayang dorang, tak. aku sayang. mama dan ayah aku kot. sangat sayang, selalu disematkan dalam doa harianku. tapi, aku tak call. tak sms. email? hmmm sangat jarang. bila call pun, tak tau nak cakap apa. just tanya this and that. call can last paling lama pun 20 minit. aku tak tau la. aku sangat takut aku sayang mereka bukan fillah. sebab tu jadi macam ni...

sejujurnya, aku sangat cemburu, kawan-kawanku di sini, every week call parents dorang, ada yang setiap hari pun ada. aku? ada satu hari tu aku just call parentsku, tapi masa tak sesuai, mereka sibuk, dan ntah macamana, tak dapat nak cakap lama, so. yeah. entahlah...

rasa bersalah tu ada, sebab masa cuti winter hari tu balik malaysia, tak spend time sangat dengan dorang. 1stly, dorang memang busy with work. and 2nd, aku pun ada things kena settle.

aku rasa kalau boleh aku tak nak sangat contact family, sebab aku akan jadi homesick. dan itu sangat bahaya, can't focus on anything if i'm homesick. and i always focus on other things supaya myself takkan rasa sedih or whatever. mechanism untuk protect diri. hm.

aku sayang dorang. aku bukannya call sebab nak mintak duit. bukannya call sebab aku ada masalah je. dan bukannya...

aku asyik kata aku busy tapi dengan benda lain aku ada je masa. haih.

to be fair, aku tak contact pun siapa2 dari malaysia for few weeks dah. ke dekat sebulan, tak tau. tak ingat. parents pun jarang aku contact. abang? kakak? best friend? kawan2 lain? lagi la.

malasnya layan perasaan.

absurd

2011-02-24T08:53:00.004+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

"Life can sometimes be so absurd." - Outlandish's After every rain fall.

first of all, terima kasih to Aisha Ahmad for the internet cable. my cable is not working. and i'm planning not to take the internet for the next month. seriously not worth paying about rm85 and the speed changes. they said i should get 3mbps but not really, you know. ok lah sometimes it feels like 3mbps, the goodness i get when i downloaded house episodes in less than an hour. :P but yeah maybe this is for my own good.

second of all, i'm still trying to figure out what's up with me. one minute i'm all smiling and the other i'm all frowning. i keep thinking that i might have something huge burdening me but when i really think of it, i don't have it. am i imagining myself to be burdened by something is not real? people think i'm angry with them while i'm actually more angry at myself. reading that article makes me really think, who do i have when i'm all down and below? myself and Him. so i need sometimes to be left alone and gather my courage to move on. oh yeah, i speak of this as if i have something huge going on, but really, i don't. i just think too much. (partly why i hate facebook for putting up "what's on your mind" thing there) in one moment, every single thing was on my mind. i just need to focus on good things, the important things, ~~and the people that matters.~~ scratch that last part, i'm not sure if i can focus on that.

i now know why most of the time i can't be left alone. why i need the crowd, the noise, the people. -- i think too much.

i just have to strongly believe that He has things going on for me for a reason.

and for that, i breathe.

berita.

2011-02-16T23:09:00.002+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

ku fikir mahu ulas tentang berita. berita apa? berita yang terpampang di dada akhbar berita harian. tentang doktor pelatih graduan dari luar negara. terutamanya pelajar dari russia.

...

.....

........

tidakku tahu mahu berkata apa. semalam waktu ku baca tentangnya, banyak pula di kepala. hari ni tiadaku peduli pula. mungkin semalam 'memanas' bilaku mula-mula baca berita tu.

senang cerita, inginku maklumkan, bukan senang ye nak graduate dari russia. dengan dugaan harian menghadapi orang tempatan di sini, dengan sistem pelajaran berbeza dengan di malaysia. ( russia menekankan bahawa mereka mengajar pelajar untuk ilmu, bukan untuk persediaan ke peperiksaan seperti di malaysia ) bagus, tidakku sangkalkan sedikit pun sistem ni. cumanya sudahku terbiasa dengan sistem di malaysia, itu saja.

yang mengkhabarkan bahawa universiti di russia buruk, kerana menerima sebarang sahaja pelajar, tidak menapis, inginku katakan, siapa juga menghantar pelajar ke sini? *agent la siapa lagi* buruk sungguh, kerana wang ringgit, kualiti diabaikan. ini memangku tidak setuju ya. siapa mahu dikaitkan dengan mereka ini? sadisnya.

juga inginku tekankan di sini, bukan senang untuk adaptasi ilmu di dalam otak dan aplikasikannya dalam realiti. itulah gunanya kami perlukan praktikal. dan bagaimana dengan nasib pelajar-pelajar yang tidak berpeluang untuk membuat praktikal di malaysia? praktikal di russia dan di malaysia sangat berbeza ya. tidak semua pelajar dapat sesuaikan diri dengan begitu sahaja.

apa-apa pun, ini hanyalah pendapatku seorang.

buruknya, kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga.

tidak pula kamu semua mahu memuji doktor pelatih yang bagus. yang buruk dicaci, yang bagus menyepi. hmm.

afwan jika ada terkasar bahasa.

:)

valentine's day.

2011-02-11T18:48:00.002+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

actually, aku tak nak ulas perkara ni. tapi, post-post di news feed facebook buatkan aku nak tulis 1001 perkara.

artikel pengharaman v'day. [link]

i don't know what's going on the news and all, which politician said what, but all i know, they said v'day is haram.

*tarik nafas dalam-dalam*

panjang topic ni.

1) what is the story behind v'day?
some say it's about a love story between a priest and a girl, how their love somewhat forbidden, and he sent to her his love letters, from prison. (i forgot how he ended up there) and somehow he died, without meeting his love.

how true was that story? probably 0.01% -- because it's more a 'fairy tale' rather than reality.

what is the true story behind v'day? i don't know. read wikipedia and you'll find various version. i don't really care anyway.

2) v'day is from christian's belief
in Islam, we're told not to follow anything that resembles another religion. but about v'day comes from christian belief, i don't know how true it is. because, i'm not a christian, and frankly speaking i don't really know what is their point of view on this day. all i know is that v'day is related to saint valentine, a martyr. that's all. there was a recent news, it states that v'day is not a christian celebration -- at least not in malaysia. [link]

my thoughts :
1) v'day is a day where one express their love for another, regardless their lover or their relatives (parents) my say, why should we wait for this one particular day, namely 14 feb, every year just to express our love for them? love should be unconditional.

2) rakyat kita memang suka mengikut. takde pendirian sendiri. agama sendiri diabaikan. kalaulah dari dulu nenek moyang kita sembah berhala (style ala-ala zaman jahiliah) confirm kita pun ikut saja la. lepas tu, tiba-tiba lah ada orang buat announcement, cakap sembah berhala tu salah, semua bising. sebab dah BIASA dengan perkara tu. tiba-tiba nak ubah. mestilah marah.
old habits die hard, you know?

3) "kenapa haramkan v'day? new year tu lagi teruk sampai gaduh2 kat klcc." bagi aku sama je. dua-dua celebration results bad things. kenapa v'day je diharamkan? sebab dah dikata, tak elok celebrate, tiada siapa nak faham. masih celebrate. mereka yang declare benda tu haram, sbb dah tak tau nak buat apa kot. tapi bahayanya, suka suki jatuhkan benda itu ini haram, rakyat fed up. senang cerita kan, explain elok-elok kenapa haram. rakyat sekarang bukan macam dulu, ikut arahan bulat-bulat. aku rasa memang patut benda ni jadi issue, supaya semua orang bukak mata, pasang telinga, tahu what's really going on.

4) "but we're not like, following one's religion or do zina. it's just for fun." couple, kekasih, boyfriend-girlfriend is actually haram. [link] what more to celebrate LOVEY DOVEY day with them. super haram.

my conclusion :
there's no need to celebrate valentine's day.

simply

2011-01-21T17:05:00.002+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

tiba-tiba rasa nak menulis.

atas dasar & reason apa, aku tak pasti.

*melihat ayat tadi, menggelengkan kepala*

ayat rojak aku makin menjadi-jadi. dan menurut mama, ayat bahasa melayu aku pun tak berapa nak betul. sesetengah perkataan aku guna, kurang sesuai dengan keadaan.

aku rindu suasana kursk. sebab kat sana constantly ramai orang. walaupun kadang kala aku perlu untuk bersendirian, I still like the atmosphere. rindu dengan suasana riuh, ramai-ramai, gelak ketawa release tension belajar. aku balik malaysia macam takde sangat purpose. boleh dikatakan buang duit dan buang masa. aku cuba manfaatkan masa. cuba untuk spend time with my family. aku tak rapat dengan family aku sangat, tapi aku takde lah renggang dengan mereka. I'm just 'okay' with them. nak kata aku lepak dengan kawan, tak jugak. jumpa mereka yang perlu. the best friend, the close friends and certain kawan yang lama tak jumpa. part of me tak nak jumpa sangat dengan orang sebab aku rasa takde point pun. plus, attitude dorang buatkan aku LAGIlah tak nak jumpa dorang. *sinister smile*

berbalik kepada spending time with family. aku memang fail dalam communication with other people. dari dulu lagi. tapi ntah macamana ntah aku ok la sikit sekarang. dan aku paling tak suka bual kosong. sebab aku akan rasa kosong. so if I don't have anything to say, I won't say anything. so apalah yang aku buat? duduk diam, senyum dan respond apabila ditanya. percaya atau tak, macam tu lah aku dengan family. boleh dikatakan aku fly on the wall. orang tak perasan aku ada kat tempat tu kadang2. kalaulah abang tak bercakap dengan aku, aku pun tak bercakap. melainkan ada benda nak ditanya. aku tak rasa nak bercerita pasal life aku sebab aku rasa benda tu irrelevant melainkan aku nak mintak advise ke apa ke.

mungkin dengan kawan-kawan seperjuangan situasi dia lain la. banyak benda nak dicakap sebab we have things in common. aku teringat yang Ivin cakap kalau age gap besar between siblings, susah sikit nak relate to each other. haha. quite true lah.

peliklah. I was so used to me being alone in the house last time. cos abang and kakak have their own life, all that's left in the house is the three of us - my mom, my dad and I. my parents are always out working and I was always alone in the house. now, dah biasa dengan hostel life yang constantly ramai orang, I don't like staying alone. I'm prone to do stupid things when I'm alone. tak berfikir secara rasional.

*grunts*

benci bila aku mula melayankan perasaan.

-

2011-01-12T19:55:00.003+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

tak tau macamana tapi, benda dah terjadi.

aku emosional secara tiba-tiba. aku rasa benda ni hormonal sebab aku perempuan. tapi, still. kenapa harus aku berkelakuan begitu?

aku rasa serba tak kena.

rasa down.

sebab aku tau apa puncanya dan aku masih di takuk lama, tak maju ke hadapan.

aku rasa aku tak mempunyai kekuatan, dan aku sebenarnya tak pernah rasa aku ada kekuatan untuk hadapinya. aku rasa nak rewind balik pada masa tu. masa yang aku tak rasa apa yang aku rasa sekarang ni. pada masa yang aku maju ke hadapan, dan tidak sedikit pun menoleh ke belakang.

aku tahu apa yang aku perlukan. aku pernah ada. tapi sekarang ianya hilang.

aku perlu belajar mendapatkannya semula. tapi terasa sangat berat kakiku untuk melangkah.

aku perlu lawan sifat pessimist aku.

seriously i dont know what's wrong with me.

just because of these things, i feel like throwing other things away. far far far away.

i need to set things straight.

i need to.

i have to.

i want to.

*inhale*

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusanku.

you gave "love" a bad name.

2011-01-10T18:38:00.003+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

have you ever heard of that song?
you gave love a bad name? ~~google it~~. no need. it means what it means. you gave LOVE a bad name!

i'm not gonna talk about love.

i'm not gonna talk about bon jovi. (yeap, it's a song from bon jovi)

i'm talking about people who gave islam a bad name.

last night i had dinner with my parents, my uncle and his chinese friend. his friend, who is totally not speaking malay or english, communicated with us in mandarin & body/sign language. amazingly, we somehow managed to understand each other. and at one point, we were talking about me studying in russia. and he went russia = vodka. i was like, yeah, it's their thing. my mom told him we muslims can't drink liquors and such. (he drinks) and he was like, no no no. the muslims in moscow drinks. and i think my face went =.=" eventhough deep inside, i knew what he was talking about.

i wanted to say, those who constantly remembers god wouldn't do such things. but since language is a barrier there and i didn't really wanna start a debate, i kept quiet.

another thing that's been bothering me is mainly the people here. i think ive had this problem before this. i'm not a people person. so. here we go.

i think i am being judgemental and all. but girls, you give islam a bad name.

oklah. you wear tudung. nak berfesyen. idk whats the name of it, but you ikat rambut mcm bun pastu ikat tinggi2, then pin the tudung so it will look fittingly 'awesome'. i'd say fine, you dont know about the hadith. i also found out few months back la. ok, dimaafkan mungkin.

another, wear tudung scarf. scarf selalunya pendek. so it just wrapped up your head nicely. ok. jarang lagi tu. mhm. then the baju you wear, besar betul neckline dia.. jadi? bertudung scarf, tapi baju punyalah hot. nampak collarbone cik adik. ini ke definition bertudung tapi seksi? mungkin dia tak tau jugak. (cant blame her, aite?)

idk lah dia betul2 tak tahu atau buat2 tak tau. parah. sebab. ok la im not perfect myself tapi im sad because other non-muslims that really don't know anything about islam will look at these people and think , "oh, islam like this la eh?" not everyone has the initiative to ask about these things. and sadly, if these people were asked about certain things about islam, i don't think they can really answer well to the non-muslims.

plus, the non-muslims would like to believe what they see, rather than to ask and find out.

"my friend, X is a muslim! but we go and have a drink (beer) every weekend".
their conclusion : muslims can drink. why dont YOU drink?
why cant their conclusion be : X is not a muslim ?

islam = terrorist.
why terrorist? bcos certain people jihad and initiate a war.
don't you wonder WHY they initiate the war in the first place?
or don't you wonder WHO are these people, really? are they really a muslim by heart, or just a title they carry and misused islam to endanger the other people?
and some still believe that all muslims will go to heaven and the rest will go to hell.

*paused*

i shall not get carry away with my writing this time.

last note :

"how come you dont do this but the other muslim does it?"
"supposedly, we are told not to this."
"really?"
"yeah, its like, your religion told you not to do that, but why do you do it?"
"bcos i don't really follow my religion."
"exactly."

:)

Who I Am Hates Who I've Been.

2010-12-28T09:32:00.003+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I now think I'm starting to change again, and I'm thinking that this is a bad change. I just couldn't put myself together to avoid this change to happen, I didn't even see this coming but it happened. It started slow and now it became part of me. A part of me would like to believe that the good changes I did, was really abrupt, so that is why I'm changing back to my old-self. It could be true, but could be I'm just making excuses to make myself feel better?

I'm starting to feel like I'm turning into the most hypocrite person in the universe.

*dizzy*

I need air. I need You. I need Your love. =(

-

2010-12-23T21:50:00.002+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

dari tadi cuba aku menelaah nota-nota biologi.

berapa peratus dapat serap dalam otak? aku rasa kurang dari 10%. silap-silap boleh jadi -10%.

*menghela nafas panjang*

aku sangat tak suka bila aku perlu belajar dan aku tak dapat nak belajar sebab dalam minda aku berpusing-pusing pasal sesuatu benda yang tak dapat aku selesaikan. benda yang tak penting pun waktu ni, tapi asyik aku fikirkan.

sudah aku bincang dengan sasa & minah. tapi masih lagi benda ni berlegar dalam kepala aku.

sudah puas aku suppress perkara ni supaya aku tak perlu fikir. sejak minggu lalu lagi. sebabnya aku tahu minggu ni dan minggu depan aku ada major test.

tapi sekarang?

it's all out. i feel that it's suffocating me. aku lemas. l e m a s !

ada ke mior kata masalah bf? *gelak terguling-guling*

lawaklah kau, mior.

alangkah bagusnya kalau kawan baik aku berjaga waktu ni. aku sms tapi takde respon. ketara lah dia sedang dibuai mimpi.

:|

*menghela nafas*

selain kawan, aku ada Dia untuk menenangkan fikiran aku.

syukur.

setelah 20 minit, fikiran aku waras sedikit.

ok biologi, masuk! masuk!

bismillah.

:)

force.

2010-12-04T21:23:00.002+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

i dont know how, i dont know where to start.

ok. force. i'm not gonna speak in terms of physics or whatnot. this is about, memaksa. paksaan. forcing to do something.

ok, force is good at times, it gives us a push to do something (good) that initially we don't want, and have benefits out of it.

i do admit, sometimes i need a good push (force) to do something because i'm too lazy, none of the words in the world can describe my laziness. but at other times, i just feel like, "it's too much".

bear in mind, i'm a human. i have my patience limits, i have conscience, i have a heart. ok, the point is, i'm a HUMAN.

i don't like it when people forcing me to do something i don't like (let it be good or bad) and when i insist on not doing it, they make me feel guilty for doing so. W H A T ?!

i easily feel guilt out of things, and after analysing my own behaviour, i usually feel guilty out of stupid things. (some might say it's not stupid)

so i usually ended up doing the things i don't like because i just want you to stop talking about it or i just want to end my guilt. are you satisfied? you've succeed making me doing things i don't want, without my own will.

on the note of doing good things :
"mula-mula rasa terpaksa, tapi dah lama-lama baru rasa ok dan akan suka sendiri".
true. i don't deny this. it has happened to me. it takes time, and i actually thank the person who gives me the push on this matter. certain things, dear, certain things.

i have friends who doesn't like to be forced to do things so i understand how they feel. i tend not to force anyone to do anything they don't like, even though that might be a wrong thing to do at that time. they should come to sense by themselves, by our help. not by forcing them or anything.

sigh.

i just think that there's other ways to make someone to do things, without forcing anyone (directly anyway) and makes them feel guilty.

i just don't like it when you did this to me. i didn't see that coming, i just didn't think you'd do such things. maybe you're just doing your part of the job.

fyi, it kills me when i get the texts. first i feel guilty, after a few texts i feel annoyed and when there's more texts i just feel fed up. it feels like you don't understand me. and this has sadden me. i don't hate you, i just hate what you've done. can't really blame you.

i have thought about it, maybe i did have a change of heart, and maybe i start to act differently now and this has worries you, but that was not the way to make me feel better. it might just scare me away, didn't you think of that?

yeah, thought so.

simply.

2010-11-22T21:13:00.002+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

some say "do to others what you want others do to you".
to which i say, YES, if you don't like when people say bad things about you, stop saying bad things about others. :)

some say "buat baik berpada-pada, buat jahat jangan sekali".
to which i say, why must we limit our good deeds? sangat kedekut kah kita? kan elok buat benda baik.

some say "ah, buat apa aku buat baik dengan dia, dia jahat gila dengan aku!" or "buat baik banyak sangatakan dipijak kepala".
to which i respond, dia buat jahat, itu urusan dia dengan Tuhan. dan kau buat baik, bukankah itu urusan kau dengan Tuhan juga? Tuhan suka orang buat kebaikan. memang rasa tak worth it lah konon tolong orang "jahat". tapi, we can't judge people like that. everyone is the same, deep deep inside. as for me, a medical student, takkan lah aku nak pilih kasih, tak mahu treat pak cik ni sebab dia penjahat, orang mafia. dan biarkan dia mati. < no. very unethical. mana lah tau, after kita treat pak cik tu, dia akan jadi LEBIH BAIK dari kita sendiri. point is, buat baik je. sebab apa-apa pun, itu untuk kebaikan kita juga.

kita buat baik = Tuhan suka = kita dapat benefit = kita pun suka. (it's sorta a long chain :p)

be good to others, even they're not good to you because trust me, that is the sweetest revenge. wait, no, i'm not telling people to take revenge or anything but, theoretically, isn't it the best revenge? for me it kinda is. ha ha.

let's do good.

but don't be naive.

:)

kenapa?

2010-11-21T17:00:00.002+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

kenapa bila seorang muslim buat salah, Islam dipersalahkan?
tapi bila orang lain buat salah, tak pulak disalahkan agamanya?

pelik, tapi benar.

darurat.

2010-11-12T20:02:00.006+03:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

what's the meaning of darurat to you?

i've always thought darurat = tak boleh keluar rumah = lockdown = perang dingin. haha.
but tu dulu lah. when belajar sejarah kan. itu je la aku faham. but now lain lah.

today we learn about transplantation, and one of the methods are transplant between animal to human, and the example was pig's organ.

"can you muslim use pig's organ for transplantation?"
"of course not, it's already haram to even touch it."
"but then, what if it's darurat?"
"then yeah, i think we can. it really depends on the condition. for example, you are dying of hunger and the only food you have is pork. you are allowed to eat it. but that is if, if you don't eat you're going to die."
"oh, so you can have the transplant if it's darurat"
"yes, it depends on the situation"

aku takut orang salah faham explanation aku. dan aku salah bagi explanation jugak. tapi, itu ikut kefahaman aku sendiri. tapi bagi aku, nak jadi darurat tu, sangatlah rare. dan bagi aku, aku sanggup tak makan even it's darurat sekali pun.

jangan pandang mudah pasal darurat.

Islam itu mudah, bukan untuk dipermudahkan.

edit : jazikillah for the info. it's quite true as well. but i was told the transplantation is only for temporary. tapi kalau dah bercampur dgn babi, apa lah maknanya? my friend pernah cakap, kalau termakan pork (especially us in the non muslim country) akan jadi darah daging kita. was horrified when i heard that. the explanation i gave was to my non-muslim friend btw. nak bagi info banyak2, saya sendiri kurang ilmu. nak cakap tak tau, apa pula yang akan dia fikir tentang Islam. (you know what they say, kita ni ibarat cermin agama kita. kadang kala kita yang salah, dia akan salahkan agama kita, haih)

and like i said, the real meaning of darurat is.. rather complicated. boleh jadi darurat like you said, kalau dying and the only food ada is pork and rasa nak hidup sbb nak berjuang, etc. for me, aku elakkan semua benda-benda ni. senang cerita. nak tau lebih detail, kena buat research sendiri.

on another note, sedih bila orang ambil mudah tentang halal dan haram.

as we all know, dogs are najis mughalazah. dikatakan haram disentuh. tetapi kalau tersentuh (tidak sengaja ataupun sengaja) hendaklah samak. like i learn before 1 kali air bercampur tanah, 6 kali air mutlak. ada yang guna je sabun mutaharah (betul ke namanya?) tapi i dont know how legit is that soap.

is just sad that people think its nice to touch dogs just like that , thinking we can samak later on.

simply pegang anjing, sebab boleh samak.

:[

seriously???!

2010-10-27T23:54:00.005+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

"ok aku nak tidur 15 minit, nanti kejut aku."
*kacau2 aku*
"haih, jangan kacau aku"
*still mengacau*
"jangan laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kacau. aku nak power nap 15 min niii"
*diam 2 minit*
*starts talking again*
"blablablabla (responded to the conversation) ok, 15 minit"
*starts calling my name repeatedly*
"apa? hm, blablablablabla (responded to conversation again) haih, ok la aku nak bangun"
*stops me from waking up, pins me down and ask me to go to sleep*
"kau ni kenapa? aku tadi nak tidur kau nak ajak borak, skrg aku nak bangun kau tak bagi?" << sudah annoyed, tahap hampir menjerit.
*laughs*
"dah la, aku nak study."
*told me that she wants to sleep and not to disturb her*
"aku bukan macam kau, aku takkan kacau kau tidur macam kau kacau aku"
*sleeps*
"(bukak buku, study. pasang lagu. tenangkan hati)"

well dear, it may be a joke to you but it's not funny when you're the only one laughing while i have my eyebrows frown.

frown

2010-10-24T17:35:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

been feeling down.
felt so guilty.
plus the news of someone's dad passed away.
its just sad.

in a week, there must be a day that i'll be thinking, what if one of my parent leaves the earth?
not that i'm hoping they would but i know one day they will and i'm trying to imagine, how will i cope, what would i do, who will i be?

*mengeluh*

sometimes i just need to be left alone, where i should muhasabah myself, thinking what i've done. and i want some alone time now, but the timing was bad cos everyone is here. i outcast myself and they asked me "what's wrong with you?" here, there's nothing wrong with me, i just want to be alone.

*menahan air mata*

it has been a sad weekend.

i need to go for a walk. right now.

senyum

2010-10-23T20:46:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

tergerak hati untuk blog tapi banyak kali aku tutup balik windows blogger ni. entah kenapa sebabnya. takde idea. takde masa? ntah. but, since kawanku seorang tegur kenapa blogku menyepi, aku gagahkan diri untuk post satu entri.

waktu aku pulang dari class, aku menunggu bas, ada seorang mak cik ni membawa satu karung besar, isi apa ntah lah, dia pun tunggu bas. then banyak bas dah lalu, she's still around. aku punya bas tak sampai lagi. then ada satu bas lalu, ada seorang wanita & anak lelaki kecil umur mungkin 4 tahun turun dari bas dan si kecil terus mendapatkan mak cik ni. she hugged him. and the lady greeted the mak cik, and they talked, smiled. and i was so amazed, i don't know why. si kecil kononnya mahu tolong mak cik tu angkat karung tu, (he is btw almost the same size of the karung) then mak cik tu mcm cakap tak payah la, then she took the karung. and gave him chocolate wafer. dorang pun senyum2, bual2. aku seriously amazed.

mungkin aku rindu rumah. rindu family. mungkin aku just rasa dorang sweet. hehe.

petang tadi went to the park with a few friends. the memorial park where they put up specially for those who died during the war. the park was alright, boleh tahan lah. but the trees, subhanallah. cantik gila. (it's autumn now, hehehe) there's one particular tree yang sangat yellow and sangat cantik! i like trees. and nowadays aku suka tengok langit. check out the awans.

heh. cantiknya. :)

pasal diri, aku sekarang rasa sangat bersalah, sebab aku tau apa aku buat salah, aku berada di tempat itu ketika semua mengata, menggosip tentang si A tapi aku diam, dan kadang-kadang gelak-gelak. aku try to avoid benda-benda macam ni. aku tak nak outcast A seperti orang lain buat. dia perlukan kawan. tapi kadang kala sikap dia buat aku regret concern pasal dia.

note to self : buat baik kerana Allah. *terdiam*

fyi,

2010-10-08T21:47:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

alim. apa maksud alim? selalu disalah tafsir; dianggap orang yang alim = kuat agama.

"kau ni alim dah.."
"haela alim gile rilek aaa"

alim sebenarnya bermaksud berilmu. alim. ilmu. sama perkataannya dalam arab. orang alim = orang berilmu. tak semestinya ilmu agama. ada banyak gila ilmu kat dunia ni. jadi, sorang professor non muslim boleh dikatakan alim juga.

warak. warak ni pun konon kuat agama juga. warak pula maksudnya orang yang mengelakkan perkara shubhah. apa pulak shubhah ni?? shubhah adalah perkara yang samar-samar, tak pasti halal ataupun haram. jadi, kalau aku elak perkara2 ni, aku adalah warak.

bukannye pak haji je warak.

harap maklum.

:)

Hadis 15

2010-09-26T09:47:00.000+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Daripada Abu Hurairah r.a. berkata: Rasulullah saw. bersabda, "Ada dua golongan yang akan menjadi penghuni Neraka yang belum lagi aku melihat mereka. Pertama, golongan (penguasa) yang mempunyai cemeti-cemeti bagaikan ekor Iembu yang digunakan untuk memukul orang. Kedua, perempuan yang berpakaian tetapi bertelanjang, berlenggang lenggok waktu berjalan, menghayun-hayunkan bahu. Kepala mereka (sanggul di atas kepala mereka) bagaikan bonggol (goh) unta yang senget. Kedua-dua golongan ini tidak akan masuk syurga dan tidak akan dapat mencium bau wanginya. Sesungguhnya bau wangi syurga itu sudah tercium dari perjalanan yang sangat jauh daripadanya". H.R. Muslim

mengapa?

2010-09-22T17:48:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

mungkin post ini sedikit kasar.

kenapa kau buat-buat buta bila kau ada mata?
ada telinga, pendengaran baik kau buat-buat tuli?
dan bila ada mulut, untuk bercakap, tak pernah kau cakap elok-elok?

dua perkataan buat kau;

BIKIN PANAS!!!

raya lagi.

2010-09-19T22:11:00.004+04:00

from left : christina, haly, ira, bebby, myself, jenny. and penny with white baju kurung.

@ open house ira, haly and bebby.

changes.

2010-09-12T23:28:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I don't like this one.

I keep telling myself to not to try to be someone and just start being yourself. Right? But I don't even like myself. So I did some changing.

And maybe, just maybe on certain things, I change things way too much and it's just all happened too fast that the change doesn't stay permanently. It's just a cover. and inside, it's all lies.

Just for being home for 2 months and I've become such a horrible person again. I don't like this, I don't like me. I feel I'm being too hypocritical.

Clearly I still need guidance. A LOT OF THEM. I can't fly with my own wings, I still need to learn how to crawl before I run.

Strength & hope, I need you guys.

Syawal 1431

2010-09-09T22:44:00.000+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Syawal 1431

Selamat Hari Raya
Maaf Zahir & Batin

mickey

2010-09-09T22:35:00.000+04:00

this is mickey. once own by kak ifa, who graduated. roommates with madhy. so now he's kind of madhy's. but mickey just walk around. currently crashing our place cos some of us give him food. and he just love that.

during summer he's super thin. should get his pic during summer. he's not cute then.

but during winter. SHO CUTE. chubbs. ;)

and this is him, fattening up.

randomise.

2010-09-07T22:30:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

isn't it sad that all we ever talk about is the past? and even though we had a good laugh talking about the past, it's still the past. we can't move towards the future if we keep talking about the past. i once dislike a friend of mine who couldn't let go of the past, the life of primary school when we were in secondary school. i mean, there were so much changes from primary school to secondary and i remember screaming in my head, "for the love of God, MOVE ON". yes, i was mean. i don't know why though. i guess kids don't have reason to be mean. they're just mean.
anyway, yeah. i can't talk about the present with you, let alone the future. actually i can, but you wouldn't give a damn and that sucks. i'm not saying we shouldn't be friends at all. we're friends. and only that. nothing more and hopefully nothing less.

and surprisingly, it hurts me. why surprisingly? i've mentally prepared for this and i still feel like this. i wonder what will happen if i don't give myself a heads up. i'd probably die inside. a little. and of course not literally.

there's more to life than this.

this is indeed, a sad reality.

on the other note, raya is in few days. and my friends here probably have classes and all. who am i gonna celebrate with? :( nah, i'm kidding. i don't really mind. i've lost the meaning of raya many years ago. so, the heck with it. and i hate the fact people only ask for forgiveness during raya. and celebrated raya too much. but raya is the only time family and relatives gather around and see each other. hm. well. i've once said raya is just another holiday. but here we don't even get holidays. so. the heck with that.

here we go again.

2010-09-03T22:16:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

31 aug
good day. mama's birthday. buka puasa with family. nabil & kerel stopped by. goood day.

1 sept

started bad. geram with my agent. bagi info sekerat, sekerat. tension. terus emotional tak sudah. mencarut-carut di twitter. ugh. not literally mencarut lah. but, cakap karut.

packing dalam keadaan terpaksa. dah half pack, just nak finalised everything. hm.

pergi betulkan specs with mama at giant. tu pun emotional jugak secara tiba-tiba. i don't know why. hormones menggila hari tersebut. sikit benda pun terus nangis.

they came. dana, teri, casey, haris, man kit, chai theng. was so thoughtful of them. they made me feel better. they gave me stuffs. paramore tshirt, another turqoise top, 1 framed picture of dana, teri and i, another pictures of all of us plus sasa. and the rip curl bag. haha. when they're about to leave. when i hugged dana. i just couldn't tahan my tears. i'm just, haih. i'm just gonna miss my bestfriend & them.

continue to pack. then off we go to klia. met kak wani before she left to japan. she looked happy. duh, of course. haha. then met aisha and niza. waited for our flight. felt like we've been waiting for hours! checked in, had my last beef -- double cheese burger. kenyang gile. ahha. saw abu and his fiancee at mcd. heh.

2 sept
naik flight. cari-cari muka familiar. saw adrian and priscilla. tak nampak pun shane! hmm.

oh oh oh. hahaha. must tell this one. saw these bunch of dudes, FAM dudes lah kot. wore black tshirt, with nike logo and FAM logo. must be a footballer lah kan. wondering where they go. surprise, surprise, they also going to dubai. haha. nothing interesting lah. it's just that SOMEONE was eyeing them dudes. hahahaha. :P

at dubai. jalan-jalan. deeenggg, my bag so heavy. too many hand carry stuff. heh. got my 10 dirham. haha. saje je mengada nak jugak 10 dirham. :P jalan-jalan again. sad lah our flight mesti the gate is at the end of the airport. jauh gila kena jalan. then saw shane, savinder, some other familiar faces yang gua tak ingat nama. hehe.

sampai moscow like, 3pm. at the immigration, the dude keep looking at the pic of passport and visa and then look at me. yes yes i look diff now. lama gila dia observe. -.-"

then wait for luggage lama jugak. si hijau (the bag) lambat sampai. and niza tak dapat the bag. turned out her bag labelled as fragile.

yeah, then waited for the bus to kursk. tapau-ed some sandwhiches. nak subway tapi jauh la subway. so we tapau-ed cikai sandwhiches lah tapi knowing it's at the airport, mahal gilak. redha je lah. better than nothing.

bus sampai. my stuff were the last to put in the bus. bus tetiba penuh. my bag kena sumbat-sumbat in. kesian si hijau. and my kotak. :[ oh well. haha.

sakit tengkuk and belakang okay! bumpy ride. dah la i tidur dont know how but i moved a lot. haha. almost fell. :/

3 sept
it has been a good day. arrived at kursk around 3 am, angkat barang macam menggila cos heavy. luckily they helped, thanks. transport suddenly buck up extra 200 rubles in the last minute but hmm tak kisah lah. still okay ada transport.

naik atas, tengok bilik, bukak drawer, HOMAGAD. lipas madness! suicidal banyak-banyak kat dalam drawerku. aaa~ habis barang gua! tapi nak buat macamana. dah season mereka. ok next year i'll know what to do. hehehe.

fon and minah excited kami balik. hehe. yea lah, they were lonely. they even buka puasa with ibra and wan. kesian kakak-kakakku. :P

hm, went to uni and settle things. to my surprise, my biology result was settled. i got what the malaysian government wanted. alhamdulillah. gua serious terkejut, i guess the last sitting made a difference. :)

knowing them russian, to register or to get contracts or to deal any admin stuff, you have to wait. for hours. so we did. sakit kaki tunggu madam natalia.

myself and minah. taken by aisha's BB. ;)

after dah settle semua, we went back to our hostel. minah wanted to cook nasi lemak -- and she did!

*for illustration purposes only. real food may vary.

it was really good! thanks to minah and fon. :)

alhamdulillah :)

racist

2010-08-31T21:58:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

53 tahun merdeka, betul-betul ke kita merdeka? aku rasa tak. langsung tak. aku tengok orang russia sambut victory day every year, (the day their war ended) lagi semangat dan buat aku rasa, malaysia merdeka = hampeh.

stop saying we're merdeka. cos we're not. even after 53 years we couldn't achieve a good merdeka like it was the first time. russia's victory day dah 65 tahun, kalau tak silap. and their spirit, lagi hebat. itu aku kagum.

our 53rd merdeka. kita masih racist, masih buat dakwaan tak berasas, masih amal rasuah, masih merempit dan masih tak tahu apa-apa pasal negara, especially belia-belia. aku pun clueless pasal negara ni. still dalam process ambil tahu sebab apparently, they don't teach us what we really suppose to learn. sejarah text book = lies. okay maybe not lies but not all truth. ada konteks yang kita tak tau. kita pun blur-blur. i dont like sejarah text book tapi kalau sejarah yang betul-betul sejarah macam peristiwa 13 may, aku suka ambil tahu.

i dont know if im racist if i feel like this :
melayu ni apa hal membabi buta buat statement tak pakai otak? melayu ni banyak masalah. dah lah asal usul pun tak tau. adat-adat melayu ni angkat dari mana? melayu does not equal to islam.
etc etc etc

sebenarnya aku tak suka benda-benda politik macam ni. like abang said, "kau cuba buang and tak nak peduli pun, kau akan terbaca something dan kau akan rasa geram." and yes, i feel geram.

the whole siti inshah and namawee thing.

sudahlah. focus on the real stuff? jangan perbesarkan benda yang kecik.

ps : aku tak setuju bendera dijadikan costume. disrespectful.

farewell august

2010-08-31T20:17:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

had buka puasa with family & close relatives today. it was mama's birthday + my farewell, and funny thing was, i didn't invite any of my friends to come over cos well, i thought it was a family thing.

ayah : berapa orang kawan adik datang nanti?
me : hm? nabil just datang nak hantar cookies.
ayah : ha? habis tu tak buka puasa sekali?
me : tak lah. he's coming after terawih.
ayah : ni kan your farewell, if your friends takde macamana?

=.=" right there. haha. tapi takpe. it's just =.="

and YEAH i got them cookies from nabil & kerel. thank youuu. but this year no mr gingy. :( no im kidding, im still happy. :)

kakak dropped by to send raya festive cookies as well. and little azizah is getting bigger! she's chubbierrr, i love her cheeeks.

kakak : eleh macam dia masa kecik tak tembam.
me : yeah but i cant play with my own cheeks. :P
kakak : tengok dia, macam you. hidung tak mancung, pipi tembam, dahi jendul, bulu mata panjang.
me : tapi dia sepet, hahaha.
kakak : hahaha.
me : tu lah, it's your genes anyway. recessive on you but dominant on her.

and today i talked on the phone lama. with you know who (; i miss this! don't you? last time we always see each other and yet we still balik and talk on the phone for hours. haha. house phone boleh lah gayut. handphone? i hope your credit didn't die. sorry. AND I'M SO GONNA MISS YOU. *tahan diri untuk curse* :(

listening to oh chentaku album irfan got for me. dude, i forgot to pay you. :/ next year? lol. im kidding. i'll pass dana the money. this album cos i got them lyrics. finally know what myo sings in the songs. selalu tak faham apa dia cakap. haha.

sampai kat lagu "counting days and swings".

almost into tears.

aku akan rindu malaysia. not really the country tapi family and friends. tapi macam biasa, buat cool, happy, and like haris said before, just smile. and i will.

i have the rights to be emotional and i will post emotional stuff. so stay tuned for some emotional stuffs! :P

i had a great day. praise the Almighty.

paramore

2010-08-31T00:56:00.002+04:00

i mean i just had to post about them. they're all over facebook and twitter. about the whole live in KL thing. gila. yang bukan fan - the one only know one song, either the only exception or decode pun pegi. bertambah jelesssssssssssssss. haha. but to those are die hard fans, macam sqeen, deserves it lah. haha. :)

nah, i just wanna say that paramore has been good to me. their songs, their melody, their energy. it's all gooooooood. i always quote from paramore's lyrics. cos they have one of the best lyrics. we can count good song lyrics nowadays. usually its all about sex, drugs, money and sex. -.- which i hate. harap je melody catchy. lyrics merepek. geram!

and paramore band members are young. i mean, they start at a very young age. heck the drummer, zack is a year older than me. and I'M YOUNG! :P ahhhhhh.

apa apa lah. aku suka paramore. takde band ada 3 album gempak berturut-turut. macam band-band lain i used to like - my chemical romance, panic at the disco, all one hit wonders kind of album. lepas album best, there comes the merepek phase of their talent ke apa.

but hey i know why the reason i won't be able to go to see them live. and when i know and remember always why, aku lega. :)

menghitung hari.

2010-08-30T22:12:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

selamat menyambut hari kemerdekaan yang ke-53.

ada reason kenapa diucap selamat. supaya tiada yang tercedera main bunga api, mercun dan sebagainya. tiada yang drink and drive. but hey, aku suka merdeka during ramadhan. AMAN. tersangat aman, takde konsert merepek dan less people getting into troubles and stuffs. which leads me to think, maybe the main corrupted minds are malays. ha ha. aku suka rasa racist terhadap race sendiri kadang-kadang dengan statement macam ni.

don't get me started what i really think of them malays. aku simpan thoughts tu untuk waktu lain. :P

hari ni hari jadi mama. dan aku, serba salah. sebab aku tak suka hari jadi, tak sambut dan sebagainya. aku just wish dia. the way she thanked me macam aku bagi sejuta ringgit kat dia. :')

okay, counting days to departure. dipaksa packing hari ni by mama. aku bukannya tak tau packing tapi aku tak nak. so. yeah.

part of me tak sabar nak pergi, the other part wants to stay with family and friends. :(

mama, i love you.

memories

2010-08-27T21:18:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

the best thing about strong friendship & love.
when you have a bad day, just go and see them. hang out. talk about things. and there's no need to tell them your bad day, somehow they just make you feel better.

why do i keep taking a stroll down to the memory lane? and why to THOSE memories? go away memories. you might seemed all sweet but the truth is, you're bitter and ugly. someone had got you all covered with nice things to make it seems all pretty and nice.

biarkan aku merepek. biar aku je faham apa aku tulis.

kekecewaan

2010-08-19T10:55:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

i have the rights to post my disappointments.

y o u

kenapa kan kau janji baik punya lepas tu still mungkir jugak? then, you said you wouldn't repeat the same mistakes and yet YOU STILL DO. what kind of human is this? i've never heard of your species before. you killing me. theoretically of course. sakit hati. pening kepala nak memikirkan, macamana nak ubah perangai kau. aku nak tolong, tapi kau sendiri weak, tak nak kalah dengan bisikan setan. i hate what you did, but i don't hate you. please remember that.

pedulikan aku type pasal siapa. it doesn't really concern you. this kinda between me, "you" and God.

ya tuhan. tolong lah "you" ni. aku tak tau macamana. dia tahu jalan, tapi tak nak ikut. hampeh bagai. -.-

jangan buat assumptions tentang siapa aku cakap ni. nanti jadi fitnah.

ah~

good temptations.

2010-08-17T09:36:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

somebody wise once told me the temptations of the devil does not always come as the bad temptations. there's also good temptations but it is considered as 'wrong' because you should be doing something else at the moment.

for example. you have an examination coming up. let's say, biology. and yeah, you have to study for biology. lots of thing to be read. but, you don't feel like studying. you feel like you rather study your holy book all the time.

isn't studying holy book is good? yeah it is. but at that time, you have to study for your biology too. you can't be hogging the holy book and only the holy book. you gotta read some biology as well. exam - higher priority at the moment.

this is sort of what i'm feeling now.

the devil sure has various ways to detour us. sigh.

menegur.

2010-08-16T17:01:00.005+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

video tentang dosa 24 jam di facebook.

a convo somewhat happen la. edited for publication purpose. lol

A : orang yang buat video ni bangang.

B : kenapa tak puas hati dengan dia? apa salah dia?

C : hm, aku setuju, dia bangang.

B : no, i don't get it. apa yang dia buat tu salah? he just reminds people.

A : kenapa dia sibuk nak buat video camni?

C : orang suka critic orang lain tapi tak tengok diri sendiri.

D : ye la kan orang tak nampak kelemahan sendiri.

C : tu la, lain kali jangan tengok orang lain, tengok diri dulu. baru boleh cakap pasal orang lain.

B : *diam*

the subject were dropped.

mungkin kerana aku sudah adapt satu ideologi di mana, teguran tu bagus. walaupun datang dari seorang yang berakhlak buruk.

pemikiran manusia yang typical adalah : "kenapa kau nak sibuk tegur aku, kau sendiri macam apa je."

tapi, apa salahnya si jahat menegur orang supaya berbuat baik? apa kesalahannya? kenapa kita rasa kita tak perlu ikut nasihatnya? sebab dia jahat? cos it makes them hypocrites?

entahla. i still think that it's okay to accept an advise from anyone. i personally think the ego inside us that refuse to take the advise.

my theory : nak tunggu until diri sendiri perfect, untuk menjadi layak, baru boleh tunggu orang, takkan ke mana. takkan menjadi. sebab no one is perfect.

apa salahnya tegur sesama kita? okay, okay. tegur kena ada caranya. betul tu. tapi...

okay lah. everyone is different. different thinking, different ideology. different different.

tiba-tiba takde mood nak ulas panjang benda ni. bagus lah. nanti ada jugak yang sakit hati atau fikir aku ni ntah apa-apa.

2 in the morning.

2010-08-14T22:31:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

di kala aku menaip lagi, menaip sesuatu yang mungkin menyakitkan hati sesiapa dan mungkin menyumbang dosa kepada diri sendiri, abang mengajakku bersahur di luar. aku berfikir sejenak.

"serious?"
"ye la. sekarang dah pukul berapa. nanti dah subuh."
"hmmm. okay"

belum sempat aku habis menaip dan tekan "publish post" aku bangun dan bersiap untuk keluar. kami jalan ke destinasi, memesan makanan dan makan. di luar tidak begitu sejuk, hanya suam-suam kuku. aku rasa duduk dalam rumah lagi sejuk. (kerana air-cond. hoho) kami berbual, dan satu headline menarik menangkap matanya. di muka surat khabar itu, terpampang sebuah gambar, seorang perempuan amerika memegang sepanduk menunjukkan ketidakpuashatiannya. headline itu berkaitan tentang perancangan binaan sebuah bangunan islam berdekatan "ground zero".

apa itu ground zero?

ground zero - the place where the world trade centre was on.

"the religion is already corrupted," he finalized.
"every religion is, because of the people," i said.
"yes, i didn't say that it was only Islam." he smiled.

dan mungkin aku tidak sepatutnya menaip post itu. jadi, biarkan ia diselubungi misteri. :p

guilt

2010-08-14T20:34:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

1.34am local time. (pedulikan when it is publish, the time zone is still russian's)

tiba-tiba rasa.. tak selesa. physically dan emotionally. tiba-tiba rasa semua serba tak kena.

rasa bersalah.

i'm not doing whatever i'm supposed to do. my obligations are just abandoned. not on purpose, okay, maybe it is on purpose but i don't feel like doing so when the situation is like this. OBLIGATIONS, sya. it's not a little thing. and you're running out of time, sya. why are you doing this to yourself? why are you making things more complicated? i guess the evil side of me has spoken and it is dominant right now, and it says, "just forget about it." my conscience says, "YOU CAN'T." i have promised, to myself that i'll do them obligations but why am i breaking my own promise? such a hypocrite and selfish. and lazy!

i wanna start making a difference but i don't know if i can. actually i know i can but i don't know if i can continuously doing it. discipline has been the issue for most of my life.

when im here, (the city where the buildings are boring but neat, where there are less trees and more buildings, there are little land for spaces because they pretty much take the space) i don't feel like i belong here.

few days back i didn't even bother to pack until the very last hour. i forced myself to do so. either i forced myself or i get yelled by my parents. so. either way. and i told my best friend i wasn't excited for it at all. but she said it's normal cause my excitements are always late. but when i walked through the departure halls, sat down on a chair for more than 6 hours to travel, i still didn't feel anything. and the weird part? i couldn't help but to think, "what if this thing crash when i'm on it? whatever it is, it's in God's hand".

when i walked out the immigration counter, i smiled, when i hear the locals talk. i like hearing them talking even though i couldn't understand a word. it reminds me of this one show where the famous line was "I AM NOT GAY". i did laugh and smiling to myself. and i thought, wow, here it is, my excitement. but now, i don't think that was it.

i like the view, and i remembered who has created all these things. and i remembered the lines to "open your eyes". and i smiled even wider. i thanked the Almighty for giving me an opportunity to see the view from the other side of the world.

i just don't feel like taking a stroll in the park or something. i just feel like staying in and do my work, the one i procrastinated for a month. even though i told them i wanna go here and there, the truth was, i don't really wanna go anywhere. but i didn't wanna bring the mood down, you know. i don't wanna ruin this. that would make me even worse. selfish tahap melampau!

i even told them not to post any picture of me on anywhere. i think i kinda ruined it by saying this but this is vital. i really don't want any picture of me posted anywhere. sure, i wanna take some pictures but it's personal.

sigh.

i'm ranting so much on life when i can just be thankful to God for letting me breathe and live. for letting me to have wonderful family and friends. and the best nikmat ever : a little piece of iman. even though i don't have it all the time, (astaghfirullahala'zim) but i tried to keep it with me, and try to 'collect' them more. with God's will & my effort.

sorry for the trouble. i just feel like putting this into an entry. i know i would like to read it one day and say something. hehe.

ramadhan menjelang lagi.

2010-08-11T13:00:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

“ Dan tetaplah memberi peringatan, kerana sesungguhnya peringatan memberi manfaat kepada orang-orang yang beriman”
(Surah Azzariyat: 57)

teragak-agak untuk menaip entri baru. tapi digagahkan juga diri untuk taip (macam la kena guna banyak energy) sebab, dalam kepala otak ada banyak benda aku fikirkan. somehow i have to let them out, kan? ingatkan diri sendiri sambil share dengan kawan-kawan.

malam semalam, sudah diumumkan bahawa hari ini bermulanya bulan ramadhan. bulan berpuasa. dan seperti yang sedia maklum, berpuasa merupakan rukun ketiga dalam rukun islam kita. ingatkah lagi kita dengan rukun-rukun islam?

p u a s a

adakah sekadar menahan lapar dan dahaga dan perkara lain yang membatalkan puasa? sudah tentu tidak. ustazahku di sekolah pernah memesan kepada kami, masa puasa kita kena puasa dalam segala-galanya.

puasa mulut bukan sekadar menahan lapar dan dahaga tetapi tidak mengeluarkan kata-kata yang kesat. tidak menipu, gurau senda yang melampau, mengadu domba, mengumpat, ataupun bertengkar.

sebaik-baik kurangkan berkata-kata dan lebihkan zikir.

puasa mata - jaga penglihatan kita. jangan ditengok benda yang bukan-bukan. jangan ditenung lelaki hensem atau wanita cantik. ingat, pandangan pertama adalah untuk kita kenal pasti siapakah mereka. tapi takde la sampai nak tenung diorang, ye tak? of cos, pandangan kedua and seterusnya adalah pandangan syaitan. elakkan menonton filem ataupun series, mana lah tahu ada benda yang tak sepatutnya tengok.

puasa telinga - elakkan mendengar lagu-lagu yang melalaikan. jangan dengar orang lain mencarut. sebab member non muslim manade puasa. tapi ada certain member yang memahami, alhamdulillah.

puasa anggota-anggota badan - jaga anggota badan khususnya tangan dan kaki jangan sampai melakukan hal-hal yang terlarang. aku tahu semua boleh fikir benda ni dengan logik.

jangan melakukan benda-benda yang lagha (melalaikan)

dan yang paling penting, bulan ini kita mendapat untuk upgrade iman kita.

upgradekan kesabaran kita. jangan marah-marah~ inhale and exhale. kalau boleh, jangan terlintas niat untuk marah-marah dalam hati sekalipun.

melakukan solat sunat. bukan tarawih & witir sahaja. ada solat-solat sunat yang lain boleh kita lakukan. dan jika kita terkejar-kejar melakukan solat sunat, jangan pula ditinggalkan solat yang fardhu.

solat tarawih, jangan lakukan quantiti instead of quality. ;)

jangan lupa sahur! sahur bukan je penting untuk perut tapi memang dituntut. ditegaskan oleh Rasulullah untuk bersahur. iA akan diberi pahala kepada yang bersahur. ada sebuah hadis yang diriwayatkan oleh Muslim yang bermaksud lebih kurang gini "perbezaan puasa kita dan puasa ahli kitab ialah sahur". sebaik-baiknya melewatkan sahur. :)

dan segerakan berbuka - rasanya ni takde masalah :p tapi ada rasanya yang suka solat maghrib dulu baru nak "concentrate" makan. >> saya macam ni lah dulu -.- lepas tu tak buat dah, sebab at least berbuka sedikit sebelum solat. :)

apa lagi ye? saya tak ingat lah. apa-apa pun, kita mahukan QUALITY ibadah kita, bukannya quantity. remember, everything is lillahi ta'ala.

oh ye, jangan pula ibadah-ibadah kita berakhir apabila berakhirnya bulan ramadhan. moga-moga ianya berterusan. takkan nak beribadah time ramadhan je dan bermaafan time syawal je? bulan-bulan lain jeles la nanti. (;

harap-harap ramadhan ini adalah lebih baik dari sebelumnya.

this is, none other than a reminder for myself, and at the same time, a reminder for all muslims out there. yang baik datangnya dari Allah dan yang buruk datangnya dari saya sendiri.

selamat menyambut ramadhan al-mubarak.

si setan

2010-08-08T04:42:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

salam 2 malaysia. (gelak dengan joke sendiri)

mari-mari. aku nak rant pasal chenta lagi. hiahiahihaiha.

kenapa aku cakap you're not in love when you claimed you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back? sebab kau memang not in love. kau boleh bagi aku simptom-simptom dan tanda-tanda orang in love and aku still dalam hujahku, IT'S NOT LOVE.

kata-kata sumbang, "kau apa tau. kau pernah ke bercinta? kau couple pun tak pernah."

and you know what, alhamdulillah aku tak pernah. sebab bercouple hanyalah menambahkan dosa yang sedia ada. tapi aku tau asal usul perasaan cintan cintun ni.

dalam Al-Quran, ada ditulis tentang pasangan. setiap orang diciptakan pasangannya. and lebih kurang it's meant to complete each other.

tapi, bukan bermaksud kau kena bercintan cintun lebih-lebih. seperti post aku sebelum ni, lahirnya perasaan cinta yang sejati, adalah cinta kepada seseorang kerana Allah. bila kau tengok dia, kau ingat Allah, kau syukur yang kau diciptakan, kau turut mengagungkan ciptaan Allah. dan sebaik-baik teman ialah teman yang mengingatkan kita kepada mati.

"tapi aku serious rasa aku jatuh cinta. setiap kali aku tengok dia, aku rasa sangat tenang.."

that's my dear, the work of satan.

tahukah anda, satan berbakat, haaa, berbakat dia ni. bakatnya ialah menghiaskan perkara-perkara buruk. contohnya, bergaul bebas adalah perkara yang sangat buruk, sangat hodoh dan haram. tapi satan boleh edit baik punya, sampai nampak semua ni indah. pegang tangan bf indah, peluk-peluk indah, kissing pun indah. tapi hakikatnya TIDAK.

tell me, siapa yang dapat tahu bila masa setan berbisik kepadanya?

aku bagi contoh paling simple. bangun subuh.

time nak bangun subuh punya la susah. alarm dah bunyi. kau fikir, "ala, baru pkul 6, ada 1 jam lagi. tidur kejap". alarm bunyi lagi "hmm baru 6.30, lelap kejap lagi" alarm bunyi dan bunyi! "ALLAH ! dah pukul 7. mati la aku terbabas subuh!"

kau agak suara siapa la yang cakap "tidur kejap" dan "lelap kejap" tu. tu bisikan setan tu. tapi kau dengar macam suara sendiri kan? mcm sendiri yang merelakan tapi bila betul- betul sedar, which is too late, kau menyesal.

jadi segala benda yang tak baik tapi kau rasa FUN, BEST, AWESOME tu, adalah hiasan yang diedit oleh si setan ni. dia tak payah guna software apa-apa pun nak edit. jap, itu wallahualam, aku tak tau dia guna apa bagi edit-edit ni. tapi yang pasti, dia edit la.

dia juga memberikan kita pandangan yang serong. sampai sesetengah fikir, pergi ceramah agama = tak cool. pergi concert katy perry= sangat cool. okay ni pun sebahagian propaganda yang sedang berleluasa. orang fikir benda buruk = cool. benda baik = tak cool.

who defines the word cool anyway? it's yourself.

kawan-kawan. hakikatnya, hati semua orang bersih. suci. tapi kita sendiri mencemarkannya dengan buat benda-benda tak elok. at one point, you will think benda tak elok tu benda biasa sebab dah selalu buat.

kenapa aku cakap couple-couple haram, dating tu haram?

dating tu antara 2 pihak je, lelaki dan perempuan. dan selalunya bila ada seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan duduk berdua, akan datang pihak ketiga. aku bukannya cakap pasal perempuan lain ke apa. pihak ketika tu si setan la. apa lagi. then dia pun ayat korang dua baik punya, mengindahkan perkara yang buruk, sampaikan korang dua terjebak dalam maksiat. terus jatuh haram.

couple-couple pun sama je. couple mesti dating kan? aah. sama la hukum

"macamana aku nak kahwin nanti kalau aku tak couple sekarang. nanti aku takde experience.."

kau nak experience apa? tak payah. banyak sangat experience nanti kau tak boleh handle dengan kekasih sorang. hahaha.

aku tahu ramai kawan-kawan aku yang berchenta-chentun ni. aku tulis semua ni untuk korang.

"kau jealous sebab bf aku hot"

ya Allah aku tak jealous la. kalau boleh aku nak cakap : ambik la bf kau aku tak mau pun. tapi aku tulis semua ni untuk korang baca, dan mungkin ada sedikit kesedaran. sebab aku tau kadang-kadang kita tak tahu certain things kan. sebab benda ni tak diterapkan sejak kecik. ada ke kecik2 pandai kiss anak orang? pengaruh barat habis la. semua jadi kebiasaan.

kau tau tak perasaan aku pergi shopping mall dan witness semua ni? aku sakit hati. sakit yang teramat. sebab aku rasa kalau aku tak cakap, siapa nak cakap? aku dah terangkan. pada yang tak puas hati, sila tinggalkan comment ataupun contact je aku. tak payah cakap belakang, kau cakap je dengan aku. aku takde hal.

"eleh, kau tipu. aku tau kau jealous sebab kau tak pernah rasa nikmat cinta"

...... takde maknanya nikmat cinta. nikmat cinta hanya pada Allah. tak mau aku rasa nikmat yang haram.

dan aku admit, aku bukannya sempurna. aku masih ada cacat cela, siapalah aku nak berhujah lebih-lebih tapi, kalau aku nak tunggu aku perfect, time tu mungkin aku dah terlalu lewat untuk berhujah dan tak sempat nak mengingatkan kawan-kawan.

lagi-lagi dekat bulan puasa ni. siapa betul-betul percaya setan kena ikat time puasa? mungkin setan yang freelance kena la ikat. tapi kalau setan tu dah sebati dengan diri kita, takkan kita kena ikat kot? jadi dia stay je la dalam diri kita. jadi, suppress syaitan dengan mengupgradekan iman. insyaAllah, you'll find a way.

menjadi kejam seketika.

2010-08-08T04:15:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

SALAM 1 MALAYSIA << i've always wanted to say that. and now that i did, HAHAH lawak deh.

anyway. aku tak puas hati. sebab. ntah. just tak puas hati. i've been reading blogs and aaaaaaaaah tak puas hati !! bukannya apa. sebab kawan-kawan blogger aku yang meluahkan perasaan diorang, dan aku rasa, benda tu kici punya hal, tapi jadi benda besar sebab benda tu diperbesarkan. walaupun takde kena mengena dengan myself, aku tetap rasa tak puas hati.

okay, sebagai teenager, atau to be exact, teenage girls. these are the main things you blog about.

1) how sucks your life is.
"today my mom shouted at me and took the remote control away. omagad! so annoying and tiba-tiba je hi-jack remote control tv tu apahal? menopausal ke? eeee. i nak tengok cerita gossip girl pun tak dapat. dah la season finale!!! EEEE FML"

girl, it's just a tv show. you won't die if you didn't get to see an episode of it. and heck, i think your life would be better without a show like gossip girl cos it's a CRAP show. and to kutuk your momma like that? it's a no no. God's watching ya!

2) how your friends hurt you
"ada ke patut dia tak ajak aku gerak ou sekali. wadahek. aku kalau keluar ajak dia. EVERYTIME!!! *toot *toot* betul mamat ni. geram aku. lain kali jangan harap aku nak ajak kau. pergi mati la kau. ingat kau bagus sangat. ingat kereta kau gempak sangat? pfft"

.... okay, memang terasa sebab tak diajak. tapi mesti ada reason sebab dia tak ajak. mungkin kau ni annoying? kau selalu pau dia time bayar lunch? atau whatever reasons lah. kalau orang suka kau confirm dia akan ajak kau keluar sekali. kalau kau perangai buruk, siapa nak lepak dengan kau, brader??

3) how you saw your crush today
"hari nampak dia :))))) dia sangat hensem aaaaaaaaaaa. kiutttt. and he smiled and said hi. omagad cair. i kept looking at him. ok best day in this week~~"

*MUNTAH* believe it or not, for me to tulis ayat-ayat diatas tersebut memerlukan guts yang banyak sebab aku GELI. nampak je dah cair. kalau cakap-cakap dengan mamat tu ntah kau dah tak bernafas dah kot? ha ha.

4) how you are in love with someone you're not supposed to be in love with
"sigh, aku nampak dia dari jauh je. pilu. aku tak tau nak buat macamana dah. he's all i've been thinking about. dia pulak buat bodoh je. kau tau tak aku terseksa!! and stop hanging out with that ugly b***** !! aaaa. jeles :((( im in love with you la bodoh"

where do i even start? he's not meant for you so MOVE ON. it's hard? try doing it, then you'd know it's possible or not. gila ke apa kesian kat laki tu kena maki sebab kau yang beriya-iya suka kat dia. and jangan cakap you're in love. cos you're not!

nanti aku post kenapa it's not love. ni satu topic yang panjang. haha.

5) things at school
"aku benci betul cikgu bm tu. apahal selalu attack aku ni? aku buat kot homework kau semua. yang si X tu tak buat langsung kau tak nak attack? eee benci."

hahahaha. cikgu nak mengajar pun salah. ntah la. all i can say is, one day you'll thank her for being like that cos if not you wouldn't be studying.

6) for the ones ada gf/bf
"it's our 7 weekaniversary today. i love you sayang. you're my only one, baby. rindu hugs and kisses from sayang :( nanti kita celebrate okay hubby sayang"

MAK AIH GELI GABAN. maaf, aku allergic benda-benda ni. sejak bila pulak kau kahwin dengan mamat tu? aku rasa ramai orang melayu ni tak sedar yang dating tu haram, dan couple-couple before marriage tu haram.

akanku elaborate issue ni lagi.

7) the must have words in blogs
F***
S***
C****
L*****
babi < the only word aku mampu taip sebab dia binatang.

konklusi? aku pun pernah lalui zaman muda-mudi teenager ni. jadi aku tau la sikit-sikit. aku mengaku, aku pun ada entry pasal tak puas hati dengan kawan-kawan, benda yang terjadi kat sekolah and etc. tapi aku takde la sampai mencarut setiap ayat.

contohnya :
"F*** bodoh gila minah ni aku dah cakap jangan kacau babi l***** setan sial."

apa kau dapat dari mencarut ni? puas ke hati? aku rasa lagi kau sakit hati ada la.

dan aku, alhamdulillah sedar akan perangai buruk tu so aku stop. aku kalau boleh nak sedarkan orang ramai jugak tapi nampaknya orang ramai lagi suka berperangai buruk, mungkin dia ingat macam tu cool kot. aku pun confuse.

sudah-sudah lah tu. sedar la wahai kawan-kawan.

aku tengok malaysia ni future dia tak cerah sebab pemuda pemudi perangai macam ni. orang kata, nak predict future negara kena tengok belia-belia. belia sekarang pun ke arah kehancuran. apa nak jadi wehhhh?

masa.

2010-08-07T18:30:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

salam.

aku rasa aku kesuntukan masa.
nak beli barang, settlekan sijil, post barang.
aku tak sempat nak jumpa dengan kawan-kawan. kalau ada masa, jumpalah, iA.
sebab aku plan punyalah baik, hari ni buat ini dan itu, tapi akhirnya, rasa tak sempat juga. next wednesday dah mula puasa. which is really great, aku excited. :) dan sabtu depan ni aku menghilang seketika, harap maklum.

there's one thing that always lingers in my mind. sifat aku yang suka judge orang. aku rasa aku terlalu judgemental. aku cuba suppress perasaan ni tapi dia tetapi terlintas dalam kepala. aku rasa the root of the problem is hati aku. kalau hati aku tak judgemental, takde lah dia sampai kat otak aku kan? haih. moga-moga aku dapat suppress perasaan ni dengan jayanya.

sekarang tengah tengok cerita tv3. cerekarama tu. crap juga la in sense of lifestyle modern, datin-datin konon. ada sugar mummy and all. tapi acceptable sebab dia nak tunjuk keburukan berbomoh-pawang ni. jadi aku layan. kalau cerita macam akarasia, hotel mania, ntah apa-apa title dia, wasalam lah okay. banyak cerita merepek. ikutkan style barat sangat. hish. buruk betul.

sayang.

2010-08-06T09:16:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

nak share satu cebisan daripada satu cerita yang aku dapat dari blog akhwat. cukup menarik.

---------------

Pada suatu hari, saya bertanya kepada emak,

"Mana satu pilihan hati, orang yang sayangkan kita atau yang kita sayang? "

Mak jawab,

"dua-dua bukan.."

Saya tercengang.. Mak mengukir senyuman.

"Pilihan hati mak adalah yang sayangkan kita kerana Allah.."

Saya menarik nafas dalam-dalam.

"Macam mana nak tau orang tu sayang kita kerana apa?"

Mak diam sekejap berfikir dan kemudian tersenyum.

Rasanya mak dapat menduga apa yang sedang bermain dalam hati anak perempuannya. Mana mungkin saya mampu menyorokkan rahsia hati dari mak sedangkan sekilas saya pun mak mampu membacanya.

"Yang paling tahu hanya Allah.."

mak merenung dalam-dalam wajah anaknya.

"Kerana hanya Allah mampu membaca hati hambaNya.. "

mak menyusun ayat-ayatnya.

"Dan keikhlasan kerana Allah itu akan terserlah keberkatannya tanpa perlu sengaja ditonjokan oleh seseorang tu.."

Saya memintas,

"Tak faham.."

Mak menyambung

"Cinta di dalam jalan Allah.. Bertemu kerana sama-sama mencari redha Allah.."

Mak menyambung lagi,

"begini, setiap insan yang bergelar manusia telah Allah ciptakan berpasang-pasangan. Rasa ingin dikasihi antara seorang suami dan isteri suatu fitrah. Automatik boleh ada daya tarikan magnet tu.."

Wajah saya merah, sedikit cemas jika mak dapat mengesan gelora jiwa muda ini.. Mak menyambung

"Setiap manusia telah Allah tetapkan rezeki,jodoh dan maut sejak azali lagi. Persoalannya ialah, Siapakah jodohnya itu?"

mak berhenti seketika. Saya tunduk malu, cuba menyorokkan rasa panas di pipi. Emak buat-buat tidak nampak.

"Kakak.. Jatuh cinta perkara biasa. Apabila kita jatuh cinta pada seseorang, itu tandanya ada sesuatu keistimewaan pada seseorang tu. Apatah lagi orang yang kita jatuh cinta tu di atas jalan dakwah ni..Tetapi kita kena ingat.. Kita tak akan dikahwinkan dengan seseorang atas sebab jatuh cinta atau saling cinta mencintai.. Bercouple mungkin.. Tetapi bukan berkahwin... Kerana kita berkahwin dengan jodoh kita, jodoh yang Allah dah tetapkan sejak azali.. Dan tak mustahil orang yang kita paling benci itulah jodoh kita yang kita akan dikahwinkan dengannya.."

Tiba-tiba air mata saya mengalir. Argh! Ego saya kalah bila mendengar hujah emak. Emak meneruskan,

"Allah itu Maha Adil.. Dia tak pernah menzalimi hambaNya..Sesungguh nya, yang selalu menzalimi hambaNya ialah diri hamba tu sendiri.. Sebabnya hamba tu degil. Dia mahukan yang bukan haknya, yang bukan milik dia.

Mencintai seseorang tidak semestinya memilikinya.

Dalam Islam, kita dah diajar untuk saling mencintai antara satu sama lain seperti diri sendiri.. Jadi apabila kita mencintai saudara perempuan, kita bebas peluk dia. Tetapi bila dengan lelaki, kita ada batas-batasnya.

Orang kafir kata batas-batas ini suatu diskriminasi, tetapi sebenarnya batas-batas syariat itulah yang memelihara kehormatan seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan. Cuba kakak renungkan, kita mengenali seorang insan yang amat baik, sempurna agamanya dan rajin. Lalu kita jatuh hati padanya.

Ditakdirkan jodohnya dengan insan lain, kita pula dengan yang lain..

Tetapi itu tidak bermakna ukhwah antara kita dan dia terputus.. Kita dan dia sama-sama mencari redha Allah.. Kita dan dia masih boleh sama-sama bekerjasama untuk mencari redha Allah.. Perbezaannya, dia halal untuk isterinya sedangkan untuk kita, dia tetap lelaki ajnabi seperti yang awalnya."

emak berhenti seketika..

Tentu kering tekak emak menerangkan kepada saya persoalan hati ini.

"Kakak.. jadi di sini mak nak kakak faham, jatuh cinta bukan perkara luar biasa..Dan berkahwin pun bukan suatu jaminan untuk tak jatuh cinta pada lelaki lain.. Kerana itulah ramai isteri yang curang, suami yang curang..

Ada orang tukar pasangan macam tukar baju. Apa yang penting ialah kita kena perjelaskan pada diri kita supaya setiap kali kita jatuh cinta, jatuh cinta itu kerana kita jatuh cinta kepada Pencipta dia. Kita bagi tau pada diri kita berulang kali yang kita mencintai Allah, kerana itu kita mencintai si dia. Letakkan Allah sebagai sempadan hati kita, segala perkara yang kita cintai dan sayangi termasuk mak abah adalah kerana mencintai Allah.. Dan apabila kita membenci seseorang atau sesuatu, beri tahu pada diri sendiri berulangkali yang kita benci sekian-sekian hal kerana Allah semata-mata. ."

"Kakak.. Hati kita ni walaupun dalam dada kita sendiri, ia tetap bukan milik kita. Kita tak mampu untuk mengawalnya. . Hanya Allah yang boleh memegangnya. . Sebab tu kita kena dekatkan diri dengan Allah.. Sebab kita nak dia pegang kukuh-kukuh hati kita. Bila dia pelihara dan masuk dalam hati kita, itulah nikmat lazatnnya bercinta. Masa tu biarpun satu dunia menyakiti kita, kita tak rasa sakit sebab kita asyik dengan nikmat bercinta dengan Allah..Bercinta dengan Allah sangat berbeza dari bercinta dengan manusia. Kerana tentulah pegalaman bercinta dengan lelaki kaya,rupawan, sempurna dan bijaksana tak sama rasanya bercinta dengan lelaki miskin, hodoh,cacat dan dungu.. Betapa nikmatnya cinta Allah, hanya mereka yang pernah merasai sahaja yang mampu mengerti. "

"Kakak.. Walau siapapun jodoh yang Allah hantarkan untuk kakak, terimalah dengan hati yang redha.. Tak mustahil dia adalah orang yang kita benci.
Kalau yang kakak sayang, tak jadi hal lah.. Tapi kalau dapat yang kakak tak nak, lantaran kelemahan yang ada pada dia, ingatlah bahawa dalam diri setiap insan telah Allah ciptakan dengan kelebihan masing-masing. Dan mungkin kakak ada kekuatan yang dapat mengubah si lelaki tadi supaya hidup dia bermakna dan mungkin kakak sahaja yang mampu mencungkil kelebihan yang ada pada dia.. Mungkin juga si lelaki ini ada sesuatu kelebihan yang kakak sangat-sangat perlukan yang satu dunia tak mampu bagi pada kakak..

Alangkah bertuahnya kakak kalau kakak mengerti setiap pemberian Allah dan belajar untuk bersyukur.. "

Sekali lagi berjuraian air mata saya turun. Terasa lemah lutut hendak berdiri.
Emak menarik tubuh saya dan memeluk erat. Pelukan emak sangat-sangat kuat.

---------------

renung-renungkanlah.

grateful.

2010-07-31T07:58:00.003+04:00

remember to thank God for every breath you take.
every seconds, minutes, hours, days of your life.
your life is precious, don't waste it away with something insignificant.

khamis.

2010-07-30T08:22:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

hari khamis yang penuh dengan aktiviti.

mula-mula pergi rehlah dekat shah alam with the sisters. aku lewat sejam, dari KL ke shah alam, took me an hour to reach. one hour! adoi. met mar, nad, nurul, azlin, farah, mun, farahin, ika and han. had a good time with them. :) iA we'll meet again next week. aku seriously excited. hehehehehe. tapi down sikit, sebab eli tak jadi pergi. haih. takpe. it's like what i've told her : next camp kau kena pergi, aku tak kira! hahaha.

lepas rehlah and said goodbyes, gerak ke taman sea, pick up dana and sasa. pergi mid valley untuk memburu kasut itu. lepas sejam baru sampai mid valley sebab berpusing-pusing cari parking. adoi. banyak gila kereta...

mencari-cari, jumpa kedainya. nampak kasut tu on display. terus laju je jalan masuk.

"boleh mintak kasut ni size 8?"
"8? lelaki ke perempuan?"
"err, perempuan?"
"hm? 8? kasut ni size berapa?" *tunjuk kasut yang aku pakai waktu tu. converse dark blue, 8*
"8.."
"hah? 8? tengok tapak"
*tunjuk tapak*
"ok"
*lelaki sales assistant tu pun mencari*
"takde la."
"hmm, boleh ambik yang display ni?"
"display tu size 7.."
"tak, dia size 8"
"oh? boleh."

try lah the kasut. mula2 ingatkan dia besar. tapi actually sama je. it looks big cos the lace is tied differently. mana la tau ada 8 lelaki 8 perempuan. sexist la pulak converse ni. then terus nak beli. tak kisah dah. lepas bayar and all, muka pun jadi macam ni >> :))

maka, aku pun gembira. pergi bangsar kejap, dana ambik cake untuk mahesh then singgah tempat man kit, lepas tu pergi makan kat ara damansara. later on, teri and haris joined us. before they came, dana said "they're coming. act natural." i gasped. lol. saje je la.

pergi watson, beli ubat. sakit perut, HCl dah berkeledak dalam perut sebab lewat makan lunch. bayangkanlah, lunch at 4.30pm. niiice. -.- pergi bank, hantar dana balik, hantar sasa balik, stop kat al-hidayah, balik puchong.

PENAT. penat drive satu hari. walaupun ada masanya dana drive. adoi. nasib kereta auto. manual nanti ntah camana. dah dengan traffic jammed semua. adoi.

terlalu penat hinggakan aku tidur lebih daripada 10 jam. tak terbangun sahur dan subuh. :/ ni melampau sangat! geram dengan diri sendiri. :S

Pagi Yang Masih Gelap.

2010-07-27T01:08:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I can't get the lines from the novel out of my head. Why do this novel gets to me so much? Not exact lines lah but the meaning and all.

"Who am I to you?"
"Who says there's nothing more complicated than E=mc²? It's called emotions."

Amie asked me to read all hlovate's novel. Best ke Amie? Gayanya macam best, tapi saya malas ohh bab-bab membaca ni. Serious...

I blame this novel for the tinnie tiny lovey dovey I'm feeling now. MUSHY. ew. =.=" Haha. Pernah I posted about what I wanted of love. *mencari entry lama* here it is! aku ada baca entri-entri Fynn Jamal dan buat statement berani macam tu. Little did I know she read that post. *maluuuu* I don't know why but when you're married, and you bercinta macam unmarried couple zaman sekarang = SWEET. :) Macam Fynn, macam Addin dalam novel. Aaaa. Comel gila ! Saya mahu macam tu? Kidding! Ha ha ha ha ha. Stop berangan lah. HEHEHE.

Semalam tengok Inception with gang wednesday. We broke the rules. We went out on Monday! Hahaha. Went to Pyramid, upon my request, semata-mata nak check out Converse Pyramid. Hehe. They had lunch kat Shihlin, we catch up on things. Inception, gempak la. I really like the movie. I'm starting to like C.Nolan's movies. :D The actors ramai famous juga. Ada J. Gordon-Levitt, tu penting. And C. Murphy. My favourite villain. Tapi dalam movie ni dia adalah mangsa. Haha. And Ellen Page! My Junebug :D And ada cameo by my favourite British actress, Talulah Riley. Ohsem line up. Not gonna write spoilers for the movie. Don't worry. :)

C. Murphy's eyes. Blue eyes. Why and why do I like blue eyed guys? Macam S. Knight. Gojes ais. :D Ok, did some digging on C. Murphy, aparrently he does not like the fame and all. He never reveal his private life with the press and never have interviews unless it's about his movie. Family man lah ni. Haha. He's part Irish. Lagi aaa suka. IRISH!

Athirah said J. Gordon-Levitt looked more manly in this movie. Yeap, he looked good. Smart.

After movies, went to Carl's Junior upon my request juga. HEHE, thank you kawans. ;) Chilli cheese fries + Chilli jumbo dog + Iced lemon tea = kenyang gila. Alhamdulillah~

Oh yea, TGV Pyramid macam apa je. Student price also RM9. Kepala paip betul. Mahal gila. Sunday GSC pun RM9. Apahal mahal sangat ni aku pun tak paham.

Saya dah takde duit. Sedih. Nak pegi MidValley! Nak check out Converse sana pulak. Siapa nak teman ni? Semua ada class, gang wednesday je lah free. Mari mari? :P Thursday ni iA ada rehlah. Macam excited tapi segan sikit. Hehehe.

Ada orang tu "marah" sebab schedule aku agak compact. Especially in August. Hey, apa kes? Ada plan masa cuti pun bising. :p

quickie.

2010-07-25T19:27:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

first of all, i need to announce this.

it's been quite sometime this thing started but no one really knew, except few ones were with me in Kursk. i do no wish people for their birthday. i do not celebrate birthday. i don't wanna sing the birthday song. i have my own reasons for this. too long to explain here, takut korang takkan faham persepsi aku. insyaAllah satu hari nanti aku explain. bukan sekarang. jadi, tolong jangan terasa kalau aku tak wish. sorry.

if nak tau reason sebenar, tanya je aku bila jumpa. settle. k?

tadi tengok despicable me & toy story 3. had a great time with my girls. despicable me made me teared, bcos laughed too much and toy story 3 ending sedih, teared lagi. (nasib baik aku tak obses dgn toys time dulu2 kalau tak balik rumah nangis2 selongkar toys lama2) hahaha.

btw, cerita / shows kat tv sekarang mcm crap. or it has always been like this but mentality aku berubah?

apa nak jadi dengan aku?

apa nak jadi dengan dunia?

ya rabbi, berikanku kekuatan untuk menepis segala keburukan. aku hanyalah hamba yang lemah.

chenta.

2010-07-23T11:07:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

semalam aku beli novel aA+bB, aku tak tergerak hati nak cari pun semalam tapi bila nampak kedai buku popular, terus zupppppppp, cari, nampak, ambik. hehe. cari tafsir Al- Quran tapi tafsir dia lain, buat pening bila baca. nanti cari kat mph je lah.

balik je semalam kemas sikit dengan mama. lepas tu ingat nak tidur, tapi bila dah online.. haih. lalai betul. tiba-tiba tengok jam dah pukul 3am, tu sedar sebab aisha cakap dia nak tidur dah. adoi, aku nak buat apa? takkan nak tidur, alamat lepas lah subuh nanti. suddenly i remembered about the novel. okay, let's read!

baca dan baca, i couldn't put the book down, sampai lah pukul 6.30am. huish. aku bukan jenis yang membaca, and i don't really read malay novel. tapi bila kat kursk dulu si eli, aisha, ima recommend kan baca tunas, a novel by hlovate ni, i'm hooked. and aA+bB is the continuation lah kira, eventhough aA+bB was published first. i seriously don't like to read. tapi these 2 novels, i really like. not to say i love cintan cintun novel. last month i read pilot cafe novel i borrowed from nadia pun baca tak baca je. skip banyak sebab bosan. and it's a love story lah jugak. plus, i finish the book within a day je sebab banyak skip. wahaha.

aA+bB really is interesting. nak kata jiwang, tak jugak. main characters are trashers, tak main ayat cinta-cinta ni. girl named addin shah and boy named benz alif. addin sempoi, benz cool. tapi towards the end of the book diorang agak mushy lah but not so, so i can still tolerate.

cerita macam ni lah buat aku wonder maybe, there is someone out there for ourself. like really meant for us? i've heard that, girls are made from one of the guys rib cage. so each girl is meant for specific guy. (this is the saying because Hawa was made from Adam's ribcage) erk, entahlah.

this novel macam bittersweet love story. benz sweet lah. aku jatuh hati. hahah. dana cakap ni macam edward cullen aku lah konon. i said, benz is more realistic cos he's not 107 years old vampire. :P

itulah dia my point of view bila baca this novel. tapi bila snap back to reality, couples sekarang macam apa je. okay, not all of them, most of them anyway. haha. aku bukannya jealous dan aku obviously "tak rasa apa yang diorang rasa" which is "rasa berchenta" ni. aku rasa tak payah nak tunjuk kau berchenta tahap gaban lepas tu break. sebab aku tak rasa diorang rasa apa yang patut diorang rasa. mostly infatuation, please don't call it love. you have ruined the reputation of love by saying that you're in love but clearly you are not. (at least to me you are not, you yourself, apa you tau. hahaha)

strong like and love tak sama. sayang = love or cinta = love? sayang and cinta lain kay.

apa2 lah. aku rant pasal chenta ni takkan habis punya. aku dah pernah post pasal cinta ni kat blog lama pun. haha.

chenta je lah pada yang satu, pada yang Esa, padaNya kerana hanya Dia takkan kecewakan kita.

empty.

2010-07-22T09:39:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

tried to take a picture of love. i wanna fill this new frame, but it's empty.

aku rasa the cons of balik rumah is these feelings. perangai makin teruk. im back to my old self. mood swing tak pasal. is it really bcos of the enviroment kat rumah or i am what i am? aku tak suka dengan perangai sendiri, tapi bila cuba ubah, dia jadi macam tu juga. willing tak kuat. lemah! manusia yang hina!

aku buat benda2 yang aku tak sepatutnya buat, seperti buang masa. serious aku buang masa. aku balik 8 july kan? skrg dah hampir 2 minggu and satu apa pun aku tak achieve. buang masa, buang duit je kerja. menyusahkan parents. menyusahkan kawan2. seriously annoyed with my own self!

semalam pergi KL with parents, nak settlekan visa tokyo. lepas tu aku ckp aku nak keluar, yeah, aku actually nak makan naan, haha. aku ajak dana, dia ajak the rest of the gang. aku pun pergi lah KJ jumpa dorang semua. haris picked me up, cos i didnt have the car with me. pegi digital mall, got myself something. pergi baker's cottage. got my fav tuna filled bun. :) :) << mood happy.

lepas tu they decided to go makan kat picadilly. aku ikut je. aku tak jadi makan naan. diorang je la makan, aku lepak je. << mood dah turun.

lepas tu dana and teri had to go back, so haris send them home. aku terus diam, time tu dah almost 9pm. << mood start hilang.

aku tak rasa sbb picadilly tu aku hilang mood, aku sebenarnya marah dgn diri sendiri, tak tau kenapa rasa nak jerit je time tu, tapi cool, cool. jgn buat gila, buat scene dpn org. aku hampir nangis sebenarnya tapi tahan je lah, aku tak nak buat scene, like i said. after hantar dana, sasa cakap "sya is quiet already." << mood betul2 hilang.

aku cakap aku mengantuk, which was true pun. haris pun pelik kenapa aku ngan teri diam. teri sakit perut actually, haha. aku? ntah. lepas send off teri, we're on the way to puchong, my place. aku rasa sedikit bersalah sbb haris kena hantar aku, dah la jauh weh. tapi aku takde transport lain! lagipun dorang kata okay bila aku tanya boleh ke hantar aku balik. hm. << mood tenang.

bila sampai rumah, sasa and haris were so excited. aku pun melayankan je lah. showed them around. haris said this is his dream house. hahaha. sasa cakap ni cantik, tu cantik. semua la dorang suka. << mood dah okay.

at the end of the night, aku okay,

MOOD SWING GILA. aku rasa hormones aku pun menggila. jerawat banyak gila kat muka, macam aku stress padahal tak pun. ke memang aku stress duduk rumah? hahahaha.

part of me nak balik kursk, sebab kat situ aku WARAS.

weird, tempat yang tak waras buat aku waras. tempat yang waras buat aku GILA!

tak suka.

erghghghghg.

baca post entry blog pun tau time bila aku waras, time bila aku gila. dan time tu aku kat mana.

gileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..

;S

a trip down to memory lane

2010-07-20T17:22:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

first of all meet John Denver, my current bf. :p

my fortune cookie said this. :o

form 5~ one of the best years. :'))
cantik kan tag. tgk laa siapa designer dia. HAHAHA *angkat bakul sendiri*

my primary school time where my obsession about barbie stuff. mannn.. i was THAT girl?

gmbr dream world time f2. homagad!

keychain. i dont rmmbr why but i was called chicken. i think we had our all animal names back then. f2 time

during primary. athirah gave me this. hahahahaha. i dont even remember! but this is the proof. i bet athirah pun tak ingat kan ;D

and the worst thing, my diary. i tak sempat tak pic of the front cover. but the content, omg! GELI GUA. EW EW EW EW EW EW. all those writings about hate and love. mostly hate lah kan, about this person and that person. the way i wrote. GELI. EW!!!

:D

but something caught my eye, i wrote there :

" i wanna be a doctor!"

aku terdiam. i wrote then when i was 12. i was determined back then, but why doubting it now? i should regain my strength and faith. i wanna be a doctor. :)

someone once said if you laugh at your old-self, that means you are growing up. yeay im growing up. :)

speaking.

2010-07-20T15:19:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

aku tahu satu hari nanti aku akan tulis pasal ni.

kalau aku cakap english, aku ni nampak arrogant ke? poyo? sebab tak reti2 nak berbahasa melayu?

sometimes i do feel comfortable speaking in english tapi most of the time aku hantam cakap melayu jugak.

hari tu time jalan2 with aisha, aku asyik ckp english. aku perasan, tapi bila try tukar cakap melayu, automatic akan tukar to english balik. macamlah aku duduk russia aku cakap english. kat russia aku cakap melayu selalu. sampaikan roommate aku yang tak paham melayu boleh cakap melayu dah sikit2.

serious time balik ni aku asyik ckp english. then lately, abang cakap aku punya english ada slang. MANA ADA. ke ada? hahahaha, aku rasa mcm takde. pelik ah.

aku tak cakap yang english aku power. tolong sikit. grammar english aku tunggang terbalik, tatabahasa melayu ntah ke mana. padesh ruski? ooohhh way beyond horrible.

i speak broken. malay. english. russian. i can't speak proper.

"can't you speak prop-er?" quote from a british movie. lol. tetiba xD

i can't! mostly sekarang i speak rojaks. english malay russian. tapi now in malaysia siapa je paham ruski, jadi kita buang ruski tu jauh2. :P

tapi best, time jln2 with aisha, we spoke russian so no one can understand. nyahaha. tapi aku pun pening laa kalau aku cakap russian aisha pun tak paham. ;[ haha

so tak kisah lah aku cakap bahasa apa. janji paham. nanti cek dok habaq kat hang macam orang kedah, hang dak paham, cek pun susah. keche' kelate kang mu dok pahe gok. nasib baik mek sik tauk kelakar sangat, mun sik kitak pun pening.

arai na? mai ru, mai kau chai. 55555555! (thai)

pahe dok? 555!

:)

oke lah explain sikit;

arai na? = apa dia?
mai ru = tak tau
mai kau chai = tak paham
5 = ha
5555 = hahahah

whatever it is;
SAY it don't SPRAY it.

weekends.

2010-07-19T09:36:00.000+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

abang : adik, kau jangan kahwin.
me : hahahha kenapa?
abang : penat !

dont get it wrong, bukan penat apa. penat nak buat preparation. the walimatul urus. the hantaran, the bunga telur, etc.

PENAT ! and i'm not the one who's getting married. bayangkan laaa. like i said, we've been through this last year, during kakak's wedding. but i think last year lagi penat. tido like 3am to siapkan things. etc etc. eventhough i have to admit, i'm the lazy member. i only do maybe 30% of the work and i already complaining penat. kudos to mama. idk how she does it. shes a superwoman~ ayah can la also be superman. hehehe.

few months ago, i have this 'dream', that time wedding abang i wanna play the Barakallahulakuma song by Maher Zain. cos it's the doa for newlyweds. tapi tinggal mimpi je la. i don't have the song to pass the dj. :( ok la, here, i tujukan the song to them. haha.

and ramai suka buat joke pasal next year i pulak getting married, cos last year was kakak's and this year is abang's. =.=" sudah2 lah. i'm giving my parents at least 7 years of rest before my wedding begins. ;) haahaa.

it's nice to have abang around. and kakak. i like it when we're all here together. despite every bittersweet we've been through. *sentimental sekejap* lepas ni aku confirm solo. kakak has her own family now and abang gonna start his. wow, if i already feel like this, my parents lagi lah. with myself gonna be home for only 1-2 months in a year. i'm gonna missed out every exciting thing. :(

my niece is interesting. she's nocturnal. sleeps during the day, despite of all kinds of noises. wake up during the night, trouble her parents. huahuahua. little azizah. miow. :D

kakak doesn't look like a mom. and we still got mistaken as each other. old news. -.- most of ppl think i'm the elder. cos i'm taller. ha ha. heyy i'm taller than kak wani. kesianlah, she's been wearing 4 inch heels during the wedding reception. well you know what they say : beauty is pain. speaking of shoes, i wore my black sneakers to both events on saturday and sunday. on saturday still ok i think cos i was wearing black pants. on sunday i wore the sneakers with the turqoise baju kurung. what to do lah, i don't have any other shoes. i can't wear anyone elses' shoes cos my feet is 'delicate'. i thought i could wear teri's but, oooh dear. i couldn't. so the heck with it, not like people gonna notice. BUT, a'd noticed. that's bcos she always look at the shoes i think? she was like "next time, jangan pakai kasut ni!" hahahahhaah. i already warned my parents i'm gonna wear it. abang and ayah were like, just wear it. im like yeah !! the dudes in the family supportive gila. ahhahaha. on sunday abang mentioned about my shoes. kak wani was like "semalam pun dia pakai kan?" haha. black sneakers ftw! (Y)

it's good to be home. i thanked the Almighty for that. but one thing i dont like being home, my attitude changes. to my old self. the negative me. i don't know why but the environment makes me become so. i must learn how to control these behaviours. ;S

b-b-break

2010-07-16T08:45:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

i feel like blogging. whoa oh. im THAT bored. :nods: but hey, that's holiday. if only i were in kj. i wouldn't even be in the house so often, hahaha. staying here is nice but it's so hard to go out without transport. ;[ and like, ok, i need a car to go anywhere cos i dont know how to take public transport in here. ok more like i dont want to. i hate ktm. thats the closest thing right now. i hate ktm, did i mention tht? mhm.

o well.

abang's back. i cant believe he still steals my blanket when i was asleep. i dono why but he always do that. i woke up in early morning (like really early) realising my blanket's gone. oh look, it's on the floor with a dude lying on it. oh, brother. -.- i had to get something else to cover myself. and i was like ahhh malasnyaa, i'm alrdy lying down. ok, think, you wanna be lazy and get cold for the rest of the sleep or be slightly rajin and go get the towel? (i seriously said that to myself) so i got up and grab the towel and cover myself, sambung balik tido. yeay me. lol.

when everyone else was awake, talking and talking, i just feel like sleeping. i think my mom or was it my aunt, fold the blanket my bro used and cover me up. lols.

oh yeah im pretty sure its my aunt. cos she would say something like "oo selimut, selimut. sexy, sexy." -.- i was wearing shorts je kot. not like i'm well... ahhaha, ok. :$

btw, abang bought this armani perfume, limited edition. it looked nice. didn't smell it. the reason he bought it? the limited edition perfume comes with a limited edition playing cards. i knew it. hahaha.

mama wanted said, "we shud do bbq end of this month.." and im sure, by we, she meant me. -.- not that i dont wanna do, i just think there's not much time. with the wedding this weekend, and the post-wedding tire. hoho. we've been through this last yr ppl. it's not that easy.. i wonder why women, like mama, aunts and grandma, gets soooooooooooooo excited to plan the wedding. so many things to do. so tiring. so. so. so. tiring! (even if its not me who do most of the stuff, can u imagine?) and the dudes just laid back. ok not really goyang kaki but pretty laid back lah.

oh women. sometimes i dont get you. my idea of shopping, go to the shop, get the things, go back home. yeap. not going around every store and well, look at everything and then decide which to buy. i don't really like shopping much. i mean, i like when i get to buy something i like. but not the idea of going to every stores and check out everything. thats why i rarely shop. hoho. i dono. i like to think that sometimes i do think like a dude. hahahahahaha.

oh, watching the friday prayer thing on tv1. i dono why the camera ppl are so close to the ppl whos praying and with the camera flash and all. distracting la. plus, this particular saying like haunts me (in a good way) everytime i thought of friday prayer. something like this :

"takkan ada jemaah subuh yang lebih ramai dari jemaah jumaat".

SO TRUE. :S

what is the diff anyway? subuh prayer is no less wajib as jumaat prayer. but of cos, to pray as jemaah is optional but wouldn't it be great if we could build jemaah subuh as many as jemaah jumaat?

hm.

hunting.

2010-07-12T06:37:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

yes, i'm back for the summer break. back in malaysia that is. been meaning to blog but didn't have the mood. so here's the mood.

journey from kursk to malaysia is like almost 24 hours. tiring, my back hurts like an old lady. but alhamdulillah, i've made it to malaysia. we had some drama going on during the journey but hey, what's life without drama? haha.

i don't know if my friends know i have moved from KJ. i think some of them knows anyway. yeap, right now it's either i'm in Puchong, or in Sentul. so, yeah. you guys still can reach my at my old number. so just call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me. :D

yesterday went jalan2 for a bit. and i saw MY PRECIOUS. i've told myself and some others that if i saw a green converse, i would so totally buy it! and i did. and i was like having a moment there. *everything was in the dark and a spotlight lighting to the green converse* and it's not just green, it's apple green. i really hope no one touches my precious. i mean, to everyone i know, PLS DONT BUY IT. dont touch my precious. :) one of these days i'm gonna go get it. pls wait my love, we'll be together soon. <33

oh yeah, there was also turquoise and purple. the purple is not that nice. but the turquoise is nice too. i'm thinking to get them both. haha. *tamak haloba*

i think i need to go and do some medical check up. the rashes are gone worse and now i feel like dizzy. maybe that's because i've been eating a lot of malaysian food and stuff. everything. i want everything. ahhaha. i wanna go hunt for foood. but no one is free enough to teman me go anywhere. everyone i'm close with have either school, college, uni, work maybe. ahhh :( sedihs.

i feel like hunting tmrw. food and my precious. maybe do a little visiting. i shall propose this idea to mama. nyiahaha.

oh and spain was the world cup champion. big deal. i like spain but seriously i couldn't care less. lalala. and for the people to believe a "prediction" by a squid? he is a squidddddd. or an octopus? i'm not sure. yang penting dia Cephalopoda, Mollusc. khurafat gile percaya benda alah ni. bongeks.

lol, teringat my roomie ask me when we were in kursk;
"sya, what's the meaning of bongok?"
"you just look at niza, then you will understand.."
hhahahah. joke joke. cos niza lah always say bongok. bongok. :p

oh wells. i need to list the things i need to buy and want to buy. nyiahhaa. must go huuntingggg.

ignorance.

2010-07-11T21:39:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

If I'm a bad person, you don't like me
Well I guess I'll make my own way
It's a circle
A mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore
Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me
Well sentence me to another life

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same(no)
We're not the same(no)
Oh we're not the same
Yeah the friends who stuck together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good(hey)
It's good(hey)
It's good

Well you treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend

This is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person but you can't take it
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Well now I can fend for myself

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same(no)
We're not the same(no)
Oh we're not the same
Yeah we used to stick together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good(hey)
It's good(hey)
It's good

Well you treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend

Well you treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

I feel like this song suits THE situation. I'm talking about the person who couldn't let go of the past, still living the memories, fantasizing, not snapping back to reality. You're annoying and I still think you're an idiot. Tq.

Ignorance is bliss indeed.

dunia, oh dunia.

2010-07-02T00:34:00.000+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

hari ni aku settlekan exam bio. pass ke tidak, esok baru dapat result. lepas exam kami berempat (with ira, sasa & niza) mengejarkan signature utk approval balik nanti. sambil2 tu makan lunch kat italianski. pergh, sodap bro! sushi roll dia menghampakan. tapi pasta sotong dia. YUM ! :D sana agak pricey that's why we saved the last day of exam to go there. and then balik to uni.

kat uni, we were supposed to get few signatures lah as approval balik kan. one of them is our dean of faculty. hari tu mintak kat dia, dia kata lepas buat exam semua baru dia nak sign. so hari ni paper last lah kan, utk our faculty, punyalah gempak, sebab time kitorang mencari dia untuk dptkan sign, dia takde. yang ada secretary dia.

*translated convo from russian*
us : can we get the dean's signature?
secretary : dean is on holiday.
us : oh, when will he be back?
secretary : september.

GEMPAK RITE? -.-

patut vice dean lah kan sign bagi pihak. pegi kat vice dean dia kata secretary pulak yang sign. secretary dia ni pulak cakap tak tau tak tau, tanya muhammad. (muhammad mcm PR for foreigners la)

at last we asked our russian teacher to settlekan. jadi. ok lah. esok pegi collect paper tu.

actually bila collect signature ni kan, terigt time dulu kat sekolah, during my prefect probation. kena ambik signature semua. tapi tu bongek, sbb senior ask the ridiculous things for us to do! tanya la soalan yang bernas ke. ni suruh kejar sini sana, membuli ! saya dengan rileknya tak participate, i don't like the concept of it. kalau kau tanya aku soalan like "berapa umur pn lee" aku ok lagi. kalau kau suruh aku nyanyi sekuat hati lagu pengawas, kirim salam bro. *rebelious* ;) anyhow i think i managed to get 1 signature. tu pun from seng guan, the assistant head prefect, gave me, for the sake of mercy. gaha, i didn't even ask for it. sebab probates lain semua macam competitive, nak completekan semua list, or siapa complete terbanyak. i was actually touched that seng guan gave me his signature, cos with other people he gave a hard time to collect the signature.

another one was during form 6 orientation. collect signature form 6 teachers and ajk of form 6 council. i only take signatures from those yang don't ask us to do ridiculous thing. well actually from the start me, dana and chai theng tak nak buat. they said those who get the least signatures will be punish. so we did it anyway. BUT, we were still among those who got the least signatures. HAHA. then we had to choose a partner, to DANCE with infront of everyone to britney's CIRCUS. HOMAIGAD. i did it. and luckily there was sai. i didn't know who else to pick, dah la tak kenal semua org, hahaha. it was. omg. cukup2 la cerita psl tu. xD

enough with going down memory lane. back to reality.

balik hostel, found out tandas tersumbat, AGAIN. shiet, people don't you read? it clearly states : DO NOT THROW RUBBISH (TISSUES,CIGARETTES,PAD) INTO THE TOILET BOWL. and it was in russian & english. how hard is it for you to understand? pacimu vi ne panimaite? ya ujhe napisala pa ruski! shto eta takoi? glupiye ruskie ludi !

report kat mama vera. then try to tido, tenangkan hati yang cepat sangat marah & geram tak tentu pasal. haih.

bangun, lepak jap with wingmates. teman dorang makan. still kenyang form italianski, tapi kesian fon already cook for us. huhu. watched alice in wonderland halfway then tiba2 teringat ada remember me. so layan remember me. mula2 ingat nak solat dulu tapi mcm ala tgk la movie dulu, maghrib lambat masuk anyways.

tgk movie then tertido. cerita dia oke la, rob looks better there, when he doesn't try so hard to be a vampire. then the girl, her eyes, i love. aha. sedar time ira dtg bilik. talked to her, hu ha hu ha kejap. :)

time tu dah maghrib pun. tgk la tu. LALAI. serious bengong aku time tu. eventho part of me says "go go go go solat !" the dominant part says "kejap la kejap la" ... :(

basuh baju, socks. then time nak mandi, sedang shampoo dgn best, air sejuk takde. AIR SEJUK TAKDE. whtha. tgh shampoo !!! satu building takde air sejuk, penat check dgn member2. pergh ! tu la. balasan. lengahkan lagi solat. baru kau tau. padan mukeeeeeee.

at the end bilas dgn air minum roommateku. thanks fon. huhu. then terus rasa macam dunia ni macam tahi, melalaikan tak sudah sampai tahap lupa kat Tuhan.

betapa rasa bersalahnya aku. takut kalau2... :(

moral of story, jangan lengahkan benda baik. lapang sebelum sempit, kawan2. we don't know what's infront of us. what will we do tmrw. we can only plan but God is the one who sets everything.

this applies to another thing, the one moral i picked up from movie "remember me". *SPOILER ALERT* ellie, the girl, always eat dessert first. when asked why, she said that what if something happen right that moment and she couldn't have the thing that she most desired for? and the ending, where, tyler, the dude, was in the world trade centre building, and it was september 11, 2001. he didn't knew what was coming.

dont get me wrong, i'm not asking you to ENJOY sampai mati sbb nanti bila mati tak dapat enjoy. i'm saying that, we don't know when we're gonna die. sure, we take care our heart, we exercise regularly, eat balanced diet but that doesn't gurantee anybody's life. seriously. we can die on the spot if God wants us to. so stop, don't procrastinate good or even great things. we wouldn't know when our time is up, people. don't waste your time to do insignificant things. proceed to greater things.

& as usual, this is a reminder for myself and others out there. muhasabah diri masing2. :]

PRESSURE

2010-06-26T01:12:00.004+04:00

tell me where our time went?

and if it was time well spent?

cos i fear i might break.

i fear i can't take it.

tonight i'll lie awake.

feeling empty.

i can feel the PRESSURE.

it's getting closer now.

BUT...

Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place

If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday

If only time flew like a dove

Well God, make it fly faster than I'm falling in love

And we've got time on our hands

Got nothing but time on our hands

This time we're not giving up

Let's make it last forever

:)

another day.

2010-06-24T21:11:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Last night I downloaded Starstruck, a Disney Channel Original Movie. I was so excited to see it because the dude was in it, (haaha, you're WEAK !) So when I woke up, my breakfast was Starstruck.

Verdict?

I LOVE IT. I'm a sucker for these kind of movies. But then again, Disney's movies are so predictable and so 'fairy tale'-like. It's something unreal, something that can only happen in the movies. But, I still love it. Sucka! (Chad Dylan Cooper tone)

Snookey the cat, is getting much better and from what I heard he is so manja2 now with Aisha. Bajet cute lah tu.

Chatted with Kakak, skyped with Abang. I miss my siblings. :)

Abang lah, cuak gila when I messed with Puteri's Facebook. Yeah, I didn't tell him it was me until just now. HEHEHEHE. I didn't mean to be so evil, it just happened. Ha ha. Since I don't have a facebook anymore, I use Puteri's FB to check up on my siblings lah. He asked why did I do it, and when I said, "simply", he didn't believe it. He knows me. Jengjengjeng. Lol.

Kesimpulannya, saya merindui abang. Haha. :)

Right now, webcamming with Ira, discussing Chemistry. Tmrw is the paper. I need to FOCUS.

a sign of weakness

2010-06-22T17:49:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

WEAK !

I caved in to Formspring.

DEYHM, doesn't even take me a second to look back and think. Terus sign up. Haaha. I told Aisha to get it but she doesn't want to then now I'm getting one. Oh well. Since I like doing surveys, Formspring shud be interesting enough for me. :P

So. Just ask anything. Be random as possible, I like random. :)

On the other note, Snookey, Razis' cat is getting better. Alhamdulillah. He should! It's so sad to see him so weak and all. :/ Razis must've worried sick. Sorry bro, siapa suruh jejalan pegi St Pete tak ajak aku. LOL, JK.

Also, another sign of weakness is when you're supposed to be studying but instead you blog, you sleep and you lepak. OH TIDAK !

-.-

*collecting strength*

fesbuk.

2010-06-20T20:41:00.005+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

i'm in the mood of writing but i don't know what to write. if i start ranting again about human's behavior, my blog would be hated and might get suspended.

let's rant about facebook. *nods head*

why did I deleted my facebook?

i'd say "simply", but it's much more complicated than that.

maybe it's because there's so much cons than pros? don't you think about that?

i know before i depart from malaysia, i've said, if anything just find me through facebook, cos i'm always there. maybe that is the problem; I'M ALWAYS THERE!

i don't really give out comments or wall post but i just check on people. and like their videos, their posts, or something. and i stalk people. *gasp*

facebook is really a medium for someone to stalk you. (besides twitter) anyway twitter is just another thing, it doesn't give much of info unlike facebook. oh well, we'll get to that.

facebook allows you to post whatever you doing, whoever you're dating, wherever you're living, where did you get your education, where are you working, where are you now, who's your friend, your family members, your best friends, etc etc, you get the point k.

it's fun when you have everyone's info and their "what's up" at the tip of your finger but pls note that facebook never, i repeat, NEVER erases these infos. these infos are stored somewhere and will be use for some intelligence agency (i'm thinking CIA, haha) and yeah, you are pretty much pwned. and i used the game slang to show that you are really PWNED!!

you might say, "ahh, this is BS. where they gonna find so much space for all the infos. pfft"

let me respond to that. ehem. there's no limit of space when you stalk someone. they must've some technologically awesome nano thingy to store gazillions of infos. mhmm.

you might say i'm paranoid and such, but to prove it to you, give me a good reason why can't you delete your facebook for good? and if you deactivate it you'd be able to restore all your things, and it will be as good as where you left it.

ah-ha.

PWNED !

and if you do delete some stuff at facebook, it's just hidden on the eyes of the public, but not for the intelligence agency.

if you don't believe me, read the terms and conditions of facebook. that's right, you don't like to read the terms and conditions. how would you know what's really going on?

this doesn't really summed up why did i delete my facebook. haha. -.-

oh and twitter, you can only let ppl stalk you when you tell the whole world "what are you up to?"

so. this website is basically telling ppl like :
"Hey, do you like to be stalked? come and join twitter!"
"You'll be announcing to the world what are you up to" (and you can count the amount who actually cares about it)

i will let my twitter live because i know my dad checks up on me there. since my facebook died he should know what am i up to. right dad? hehe. and of course, my best mates. they'd know what's up with me.

actually, twitter is meant for celebrities cos we'll love to know what are they up to. but some ppl think they're celebrities by floating my homepage with their insignificance tweets. and to tweet every 1 minute? oh no. where is the block button? ha ha. kidding. you'll free to do whatever you want. just think that, "hey, maybe i shud lessen my insignificance tweets so ppl wont get bored of me?". :P

celebrities does that, (tweets every 5 seconds) but you do know when you like / adore someone, you wouldn't care about their annoying behaviours because they are "perfect" in your eyes. -.-

WOOHOO! my rants are getting longer and longer.

i think i shud create an email, in case the hate mails are coming. huahuahua.

on a short note, happy father's day to ayah. i miss talking mindless things with you. hee.

PS : stress pimples are out, sprouting like mushrooms!

let's make it official.

2010-06-18T11:13:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I've finally deactivate my facebook. The date says 12 June but I actually did it on the 9th, but somehow it got reactivated, so I de-deactivate it back. aha. Sadlah, i couldn't delete it for good. It's just "deactivated". And look at that, I could reactivate it by just one click. -.-

So, I don't own Friendster, Myspace, Facebook, Hi-5 and anything like that. However, I do have MillatFacebook but the server is always down, due to some parties that has been working to bring MillatFacebook down.

I only have my blog here, and of course, twitter.

Now. With my Facebook gone I guess my stalking activities are getting a little less? haha.

interview with sasa bat.

2010-06-18T08:48:00.003+04:00

What were you doing at 3:02am this morning?
sleeping. sepatutnya belum...

What is the first thing you thought this morning?
hahaha. ahh, matahari mencucuk mataku~ tidak boleh tidur lagi!

Is the person you have a crush on is THE person?
no, haha

What did you do last night?
chatting with sya, aha.

What do you hope to do this weekend?
study? hahahahahah buruknya!

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
if I found my KMH.

What song are you listening to?
skrg? mana ada.

How's your heart lately?
haha. normal. narmalna.

What were you doing this morning at 7 am?
still sleeping...

What were you doing yesterday?
nothing.

What is your plan for today?
hm, i dont know..

Are you Okay?
I think so?

What was the reason you last cried?
nothing, i watched this movie and it was so sad, so i cried.

What was the last movie you saw in theater?
harry potter & the half blood prince.

How did you meet the 2nd person on your ms?
myspace? saya sudah lupa!

How old is she/he?
-

Have you ever cried while taking a shower?
no!

Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
yes.

When was the last time you were given roses?
in my dream.

Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
asam pedas. sedap kan. (sya pun nak)

Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
always.

Do you drink tea?
yeahh

When was the last time you saw a cop?
everyday.

Did you ride in someone else's car today ?
i ride in someone else's avtobus.

Do you wet the toothbrush before the toothpaste?
yeah.

Does someone like you?
yes. but i don't like him.

What color is your shirt?
kaneshna black.

Do you watch the news daily?
nope.

Do you clean when you’re upset?
nope.

Where do you want to get married?
at the 5 stars hotel.

What day of the week did/will your birthday fall on this year?
i dont remember.. kenapa mau ingat benda2 mcm ni?

Are you wearing socks?
nope

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
I like my hair black.

Have you ever seen “Walk the Line”?
nope

Do you still get easter baskets?
i dont celebrate easter

When was the last time it snowed?
last april.

What’s the closest pink thing to you?
niza? hahahahah.

Do you have plans for tonight?
no?

Do you know anybody named Shea?
no but I know a person name Sya. haha

Are sunsets romantic?
yes

Have any cool scars?
*mencari* no..

Can you sing all the RENT songs by heart?
no.

Have any gay/lesbian/bi friends?
no.

Red or green apples?
red. red lah manis.

Can you make brownies without having to look at the directions?
no..

Do you have hairspray in your hair?
nope

Do you smoke weed regularly?
hhahahhahhaa. no

Miss someone?
no.

Do you like someone right now?
yeah but saya punya cinta putus sebelum berputik. HAHA.

What's annoying you right now?
uhhh.. uhhhh... hahaha.

Do you want to go back to school?
neverrr!

Have you ever watched a movie drunk?
no

Who did you ride in a car with last?
my parents, eh no! with sasha.

Are you tired?
no I just woke up.

What will you do on Sunday?
study?

Last person to call you?
my mom? eh no. niza....

How long does it take you to get ready to go out
30 mins, mandi included. xD

The last text you received on your cell was from?
minah.

forgiveness.

2010-06-17T22:20:00.004+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

i've been thinking of what shud i name this post. all i could think about is, "people". and i was like, hey, didn't i named my post "manusia" few days back. hoho, i seriously have issues with the people, huh? heh.

ignore the first line, it's just something random. i just want to share with you something that i've witness in my life recently.

can you imagine, a teenage girl, shouting to her mother because she thinks that her mother is annoying? my heart felt like it was going to burst, and my eyes started to tear.

do you think your mother is annoying?

if you answered no, you might not have encountered with this problem yet. as our parents grow old, they tend to forget things, so they might ask the same question over and over again.

we'd answered the first time nicely, and when they ask again, we started to raise our voice. masyaAllah, that, people, are one of the forbidden things to do. God has taught us to NEVER raise your voice to the our parents. and then they ask, again and again, and we, the youngsters, hot-blooded start to shout back the answers. oh Lord, how terrible would that be.

let me remind you once again, you can never ever complaint that your parents are annoying. you don't remember back then when you were in diapers, you poop, eat, sleep, cry MOST of the time and tell me, isn't that soooo annoying? who took care of you? your mother, who stayed up all night, to make sure you didn't have mosquito bites on you. your dad, who woke up every single time he heard you cries. yes, your parents. and tell me for how long they had put up for your so called "rebellious" behavior? they have done so much for you. and you dare to think that your parents are annoying? bravo.

don't even let me get started to those who send off their folks to the elderly home.

i admitted, i have shouted to my parents, unintentionally. i was tired, angry with some other people and then my dad did something that i didn't like and the anger was burst out to him. it's unfair, and when i finally calmed down, i felt so guilty, i apologized to him. but i didn't have the guts to tell him personally, so i just left him a text message. (he went out after the incident) and i was so relieved, but at the same time, amazed that he told me that he didn't blame me at all. he had forgiven me. i didn't feel like i deserved such forgiveness, compared to what have i done to him.

no matter how much damages you have done to your folks, they will still miss you and will be willing to forgive you. no matter how much it hurts them to hear that their own child said their parents are dead, they still hope for the best for you.

if you can imagine how much love & forgiveness parents could give to their children, why can't you imagine how amazing the Almighty's one of the greatest characteristics? The Forgiver.

there's is a saying that says "you'd never give forgiveness to the people who deserves it". but do forgive, for God likes people who are forgiving. another saying that says, "forgiving someone doesn't always means they deserve it but it means that you value your relationship more than your ego". forgive is to forget, but i know it's not easy to forget. but if you really look into life the way you should, you shouldn't keep such grudges. remember, keeping grudges would kill you. literally. heehe.

and songs that goes, "forgiveness, it's more than saying sorry.." which is quite true. say it, mean it, live to it. and "sorry seems to be the hardest word" is true when you actually mean what you say. i have known some people who loves to use the word sorry way too often, till i don't even think that they are truly sorry. and i started not to believe them.

and when you did something wrong to God, i believe if you try and sincerely apologize to Him (pray, stop the wrongdoings, taubat) He may forgive you one day for he is the Most Forgiver. but when you did something wrong to someone, pray to God he/she will forgives you because human has way too much ego to actually forgive someone.

according to a brother who gave a khutbah in US, when someone tested your patience, pls compare your anger with the anger of Abu Bakar As-Siddiq when his daughter got accused of zina by a man who Abu Bakar As-Siddiq has been giving allowance to. what Abu Bakar As-Siddiq did was, discontinuing the allowance. just that. mashaAllah, so much patience he had there. i think if that happens in today's generation, the man is a dead meat!

so, pls, think of these as the challenges that God gives to us, as an opportunity to be closer to Heaven.

and all these are reminders for myself and everyone out there.

i've finally found the perfect title. =)

PS : sorry, i always got carried away when it comes to things like this. initially i just wanted to point out about the girl and the mom incident. huhu.

thunder.

2010-06-15T16:39:00.002+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

listening to emo playlist. sad songs. i dono why but thunder by boys like girls in the playlist as well. i love this song. i remembered singing to it every time when it rained back in malaysia, when it was few more months to my departure.

i've read an email and i feel sad.

instead of feeling excited, happy and loved, (i don't know why) it makes me feel like i don't wanna go back home. i don't wanna face them, i'm scared. and even though they said they're okay with anything, i still feel scared & i feel like avoiding them. avoiding them, it's like cutting off our friendship. i know cutting off our friendship isn't a solution and obviously not a decision i wanna make.

i think this is the pre-going-home-for-summer-break feelings, no?

i feel like avoiding everyone now.

cis, staring at the sun is playing.

oke, minna has called me twice to cook. yes yes ayam kaming. (i am coming)

manusia.

2010-06-14T00:22:00.002+04:00

sikap manusia yang sering mengecewakan aku.

apa nak jadi dengan manusia zaman sekarang?

pentingkan harta, duniawi dan hiburan semata-mata.

sanggup korbankan harga diri supaya diminati orang ramai.

sanggup buat statement yang bold tapi idiotic habis untuk mendapatkan perhatian.

sanggup belanja harta supaya anak menang AF?

AF tu apa gunanya? setakat membuat dosa, melalaikan orang dan melahirkan "artis"?

artis tu perlu wujud ke? dgn skandalnya, dgn attitude yang kurang sopan.

Malaysia oh Malaysia.

macam mana aku nak bangga dengan kau kalau sikap & attitude rakyat begitu sekali?

self-declare negara Islam. tapi tak mengamalkan ciri-ciri keislaman.

bab2 poligami kau laju je eh. terus jawab "oh, ikut sunnah nabi". bab2 lain belakang cerita?

hang tau dak, nabi bukan sebarang je berpoligami. ada reason.

& hang ni tau pasai sunnah nabi hat satu ni ja ka?

orang ramai pun satu. kalau artis tu buat salah, punyalah mengutuk. kita sepatutnya ambik iktibar dari kisah mereka, reason sikit. bukannya mengutuk, maki hamun semua.

aku dapat tau, ada satu badan NGO buat kempen "baby hatch" which is actually a campaign where all the unwanted newborns can be send to a certain place and currently tempat tu kat PJ tak silap aku.

teruk sgt kan kes buang bayi sampaikan ada kempen "baby hatch" ni. aku tak nak orang salah anggap, tak fikir secara rasional, ingat yang sebab dah ada program "baby hatch" ni, tak perlu lah dorang risau untuk buat anak banyak2. kepala hotak hang ?!

abortion is considered as killing a life. apatah lagi buang new borns?!

manusia yang kononnya berakal tak dpt menggunakan akal mereka dgn sempurna. aku rasa mereka jatuh dlm kategori "gila".

apa yang buat dorang fikir tak rasional ni?

arak. yang berlambak di malaysia. yes, malaysia mempunyai kilang arak terbesar di asia tenggara.

hiburan yang melampau sampai sujud syukur kat artis mungkin.

dadah. suka high sbb high ialah "best".

terlalu ikutkan barat, sbb barat tu "cool". dan orang yang x up to date adalah orang yang kolot.

orang yang berpegang pada agama adalah orang yang kolot jugak. bajet alim la tu. hakikatnya, agama lah yang dapat menyelamatkan kita dari apa2 bahana di dunia ini.

kalau betul someone berpegang pada agamanya dengan sepenuh hati, takde la orang akan buat statement yang idiotic seperti ini.

jesus

2010-06-11T02:42:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I don't deny Jesus' love for his followers, but for this Joel dude to question "has Allah said to you he loved you? did he die for you?"

first of all, God doesn't die. He who creates all of us, doesn't die.

2nd, yes, Allah mentioned who He loves. He loves the kind, the just, the one who does good and does not harm others, the one obeys one's parents, etc. BUT, His love are unconditional. He gives his grace to everyone, to the good and even to the evil. He is the Most Merciful and Most Beneficent.

buang masa 20 minit;

2010-06-10T22:30:00.002+04:00

1) Have you ever been asked out?
yea. ahaha.

2) Where was your default picture taken?
near a lake during picnic the other day

3) What's your middle name?
eccentric. ;)

4) Your current relationship status?
:)

5) What is your current mood?
Lazyyy. chem, wait for me. 20 mins and i'm there!

6) What color shirt are you wearing?
black.

7) Missing something?
yes, my study mood. where art thou?

8) If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
nope. i like the way it is. i think.

9) If you must be an animal for one day, what?
nak jadi Pushkin (the cat) gilee ah, makan tido main2 berak tido makan main2 berak. what a life! LOL.

10) Ever had a near death experience?
:S yes, mashaAllah.

11) Something you do a lot?
Breathe.

12) The song stuck in your head?
aku punya kamu, by encik faizal tahir

13) Who did you copy and paste this from?
my old blog haha

14) Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Alex's bro.

15) When was the last time you cried?
smlm. lalalala.

16) Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
hahaha yes. dammn.

17) If you could have one super power what would it be?
super speed.

18) What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
SHOES. hahahahahahahahah.

21) What do you usually order from Starbucks?
dont go there. BOYCOTT PLS!

22) What's your biggest secret?
my chromosome is 44AA & XX . :)

23) Favorite color?
green . purpleeee. black. oo yea.

24) Do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?
when i get the chance to.

25) What's on your walls?
stuffs. board, bajus and stuffs!

26) What are you?
i'm definitely not you!

27) Do you speak any other language?
haha russian, broken russian. SHTO SHTO? ya hacu sdat ekzamin harasho no ya ocin lenivaya. damn!

28) What's your favorite smell?
fruity =D

29) Describe your life in one word.
dugaan!

30) Have you ever kissed in the rain?
nope.

31) What are you thinking about right now?
i shud go do my chemm...?

33) What should you be doing?
sseriously... chemmm? eh esok last class ngn olga. :((

34) Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ !

35) How often do u talk to God?
i dont talk to God la i only pray to Him and alhamdulilah every time i get the chance to, which reminds me, let's solat. ahah. (belum solat lagi gatai naaa pi blog2 ni)

36) Do you like working in the yard?
nope

37) If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
PUSHKIN, LAWL nooooo! hmhmhm. ntah la i like my name alrdy. A.J :D

38) Do you act differently around the person you like?
yeah ! with ppl i tak biasa with im so quiet. serious. but ppl i like, i jadi gila, sorry. :/

39) What is your natural hair color?
its black. YEAH BLACK :D

40) Who was the last person to make you cry?
the same that made me angry. ;0

listening to OCK - Asthmara. Myo, your lyrics, your voice................. :)

rindu?

2010-06-08T23:16:00.003+04:00

In The Name Of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

aku tgh browse page fb. aku nampak sesuatu dan hati aku tersentap; terasa. bersalah. aku tak wish siapa2 cikgu pun time hari guru yang lalu. dah lah tu aku memang lupa time 16 mei tu hari guru, then bila dapat tahu pun tak wish. aku bukannya tak ingat mereka yang telah mendidik aku. serious aku tak pernah lupa cikgu2 aku, since kindergarten sampai lah sekarang ni. nak bagi nama mmg aku tak ingat lah semua tapi aku ingat mereka didik aku camana, camana mereka tolerate perangai buruk aku. apa yang dorang suka buat dalam kelas. :>

sbb bagi aku, tak perlu ucap rindu walaupun kau rindu seseorang teramat sangat. (bm tatabahasa sgt lah salah)

bapak aaa kalau everytime i miss someone i have to announce... aku akan geli dgn diri sendiri. hahahaha.

selalunya kau akan dgr aku cakap aku rindu someone is when that someone said they miss me. jaga hati mereka. dan kdg2 aku serba salah. perlu ke aku cakap? ye? x yah? ntah..

:)

Malaysia adalah negara Islam?

2010-06-04T22:09:00.002+04:00

ASAS-ASAS NEGARA ISLAM

Asas-asas utama sesebuah negara itu diiktiraf sebagai negara Islam antaranya ialah;

· Sesebuah negara yang tunduk akur di bawah kuasa Islam dan orang Islam sebagai ketua pemerintah.

· Tanahair orang Islam adalah sah sebagai negara Islam.

· Sesebuah negara yang aman dan bebas didirikan syiar Islam di dalamnya.

MALAYSIA ADALAH NEGARA ISLAM

Hasil dari definisi dan pandangan ulama mengenai negara Islam, jelaslah Malaysia sebagai negara Islam kerana ciri-ciri berikut;

· Malaysia adalah tanahair orang Islam sejak turun temurun.

· Ketua pemerintahan negara dipegang oleh orang Islam.

· Malaysia masih didiami oleh orang-orang Islam sebagai pemunya.

· Umat Islam bebas menunaikan amalan syariat Islam malah dibantu oleh Kerajaan.

· Sistem mempertingkatkan ibadah, munakahat dan muamalat dilaksanakan di serata negara.

· Pendidikan Islam diajar dari peringkat sekolah rendah hingga ke peringkat institusi pengajian tinggi dan sentiasa ditingkatkan mutunya.

· Mahkamah syariah ditubuh dengan rasmi dan hasil keputusannya tidak boleh diganggu oleh mahkamah sivil.

taken from this website. click for further reading.

Kalau Malaysia negara Islam, takkan diluluskan lesen perjudian WORLD CUP 2010.
Kalau Malaysia negara Islam, takkan ada rempit2, segala masalah sosial belia zaman sekarang.
Kalau Malaysia negara Islam, takkan belia2 alpa dengan tugas mereka.
Kalau Malaysia negara Islam, takkan terjadi kes bunuh2 yang dahsyat.
Kalau Malaysia negara Islam, takkan dipisahkan ajaran agama dan ajaran saintifik.
(Yea, ajaran sains mmg selaras dgn ajaran agama!)

china mari~

2010-06-04T05:48:00.005+04:00

Salam . . .

boleh ke aku percaya yang aku mengalami miracle, a.k.a cuda (in russian) ?
sbb aku bangun jam 4 am! HAHA.
jazakillah to khodeejoh who made the wake up call. srazu aku bangun ni.

mungkin juga sbb smlm tido awal. bukan plan nak tido pun, tertido lps scribble2 physics. tak terbangun isyak. :S

anyways, did chem hw and check my gmail. apparently someone in china accessed my account!

WHO THE HECK FROM CHINA STALKS ME WEH. LOL.

srazu aku tukar password. haih. bahaya ni kalau china mari. hehe. o well. kalau jepun takpe gak. tht means my bro yg checking. (not that im accusing him such thing...)

lama aku tak on messenger. mengelak dari orang2. malas lah nak chat2 ni. apa barang doh chat2. (haha) apa barang doh tinggalkan comment kat facebook, wall to wall semua tu. (aku serious malas nak melayankan facebook, melainkan update status)

sasa said at least ada org tanya when im coming back. ala. kalau boleh i dont wanna tell anyone i balik bila. tapi dah announce kat twitter time kakak tanya hari tu. takkan la nak selindung2 lagi? lepas tu dorang tanya pun bukan sbb concern. sbb mungkin dorang dah takde benda dah nak buat kat facebook. semua orang punya pic dah dicomment, wall to wall ngn org sampai lebam dah. wahahah.

(Pn Lee -- Lower 6 chem teacher)

it's like... you love your parents but do you ever tell them that every single day macam orang mabuk chenta? like my lower 6 chem teacher said (who is btw hebat & hot mama, lol) when you really love someone, you dont have to say it out loud, and it is understandable that you love that someone. :)

jadi kalau betul2 concern, takde benda2 camtu. itu public stunt je. haha

YES, saya merepek. dan saya sudah selesai merepek. sekian.

warga baru msia.

2010-06-02T23:32:00.003+04:00

yang tak tahan tu, warganegara, ISLAM, lelaki. ahahahha!!

taken from PATRICK STARFISH menjadi warganegara Malaysia.

mcm2 lah kau ni Malaysia. -.-

daripada layan group ntah apa2 kat fb, baik create millatfacebook.

tak pun, baca ni haa : OBSES

haihh. aku nak tgk laa movie Fetih tu! mana nak download aku pun tak tau. dah la bahasa turki. aiseh.

PS : Jgn lupa panjatkan doa buat mereka yang berada di MV Rachel Corrie. GAZA, tmrw you will be free, ONE DAY! AMIN.

D:

2010-05-26T18:29:00.001+04:00

perasaan saya ketika saya takde mood, almost -50% dan kamu tiba-tiba menanya saya tentang perkara yang tak significant, perkara tentang kamu sendiri, dan kamu mengomel "kenapa kenapa kenapa kenapa" tentang perkara tak significant itu :

SAKIT. sakit. sbb menahan perasaan marah. :(((((((

hari ini.

2010-05-26T18:06:00.003+04:00

salam.

bgn 2 pagi. syukur dpt bgn juga. lps tu decide to call mama. she didnt expect the call. hehehehehe. rindus :( tido semula.

bgn lewat. siap mcm biasa, marathon sikit otw pegi class. ruski was fine.

bila ruski habis i totally forgot abt physics. aku lalai lagi. aku dah lah x belajar lg. jadi, confirm atra.

aku decide nak buat atra maths, topic limits. aku pun pergi dgn confident sbb masuk ni dah 3 kali aku ambik topic yg sama. aku x pandai maths.

time atra aku kecewa. esok aku buat lagi soalan limits. sbb ada kesilapan teknikal masa atra hari ni. aku tak blame siapa2 tapi..

k e c e w a !

hari ini sejuk & hujan. hm.

tanak!

2010-05-26T03:37:00.001+04:00

ladies and gents, my dear brother and cousin sister.

TANAK WEI. MASAK MASAK!

ROFL!

xD

malas!

2010-05-25T22:16:00.002+04:00

salam:)

malas. ohhh malas.
aku serious malas belajar sekarang ni.
aku rasa nak tido, tido, tido, tido!
dan online online online online
sbb apa? aku rindu org kat msia. mama ayah. abang, kakak. kawan2. dan hanya dgn online aku dpt contact dorang ataupun stalk je la, bagi hilang rindu.
tapi ended up hari2 aku buat benda yang sama
fighting spirit aku dah hilang.
aku ada test phy esok ni dan aku tak start prepare. aku dah la byk kali fail physics. cikgu dah naik fed up tgk paper aku.

aku tau apa tujuan aku dtg sini. tapi aku rasa aku takde semangat. aku rela baca blog2 tazkirah the whole day rather than facing phy notes. aku rela baca tafsir ayat2, rather than study bio facts. kenapa aku macam niiiiiiiiiiii. :(((((

kenapa aku sgt lemah, tak daya tepis perasaan malas ni? aku mungkin manja, sbb kalau kat msia ada orang tolong push aku utk buat something. tapi kat sini? semua independent. sendiri kena push. ya rabbi. apa nak jadi ni?

:(